Post by Hayate on Jul 7, 2007 16:28:17 GMT -5
*somewhere, in a mysterious field, a girl emerges from the fog and is seen walking on water*
Girl: Ka…zu…to…
~ Eternal City of Mac Anu; April 11, 2037 ~
*…Glaive LeGable @home…*
Izumi: …I’m sorry, everyone… I should’ve been more careful…
Neon: Don’t blame yourself, Izumi.
Izumi: …But I--
Orion: What’s done is done. All we can do now is move forward. End of story.
Izumi: …
Usa-chan: Hmm… I know! Let’s hang Coolidge from the ceiling and beat him with a blunt object like a piñata! That always cheers you up!
Coolidge: OH, NO!!! NO WAY!!! Last time we did that, my head nearly came off!!!
Izumi: *giggles* …Thanks, everyone… But I’ll be okay.
Hayate: … *stands up* …I’m going out for a bit.
Neon: Hmm? Hayate?
Hayate: …I won’t be gone long… *leaves*
*…Mercenary District, outside the @home door…*
Hayate: …
Kyuzo: Yo!
Hayate: …
Kyuzo: I guess this means I finally one-upped you, doesn’t it?
Hayate: …
Kyuzo: …The silent treatment, huh? Well, that’s understandable. After all, I did PK the crap outta your little girlfriend just for a weapon--
Hayate: You’re a creep, you know that?!?
Kyuzo: …Hmm?
Hayate: You set a trap for our guild and ambush an innocent girl all for a stupid pair of dual swords!!
Kyuzo: …That’s the way it is in this world, kiddo… Kill or be killed… Survival of the fittest…
Hayate: I don’t care about you OR your half-assed philosophies!! As far as I’m concerned, you and I are enemies!! Haishou!? *walks off*
Kyuzo: …Man, that kid’s got a lot to learn…
*…Alchemy District, bridge…*
Hayate: …
*suddenly, the graphics of the game become distorted for a split second*
Hayate: …Huh? *looks up* …Did someone just…call my name?
: Hey, Hayate!
Hayate: Hmm? *sees Coolidge running over*
Coolidge: Something the matter? You seemed kinda out of it when you left…
Hayate: …I just have a lot on my mind right now.
Coolidge: Hmm… Ohhh… I think I know what this is about…
Hayate: Hmm?
Coolidge: *smirk* You like Izumi, don’t you!?
Hayate: *blush* W-What?!? You’re crazy!!! I’ve only known her for a few days!!!
Coolidge: Sometimes, a few days are all it takes! Hahahaha!!!
Hayate: *groan*
: BANZAI!!!!
Hayate/Coolidge: WHAT THE HELL?!?
*Yahiko suddenly crashes into Hayate, knocking him over*
Yahiko: Hey, Hayate!
Hayate: …Hey, Yahiko…
Coolidge: …Friend of yours?
Hayate: *sarcastically* How could you tell? *stands up* Coolidge, Yahiko. Yahiko, Coolidge.
Coolidge: ‘Sup?
Yahiko: Hey! …So, Hayate, I haven’t seen you around lately. What’s going on?
Hayate: Oh, that’s right, I never told you, did I? I joined a guild. Coolidge is in it too.
Yahiko: Oh, really? That’s cool. I just recently joined a guild myself.
Hayate: What’s it called?
Yahiko: Canard.
Coolidge: Oh, yeah… I’ve heard of that. Isn’t that the newbie-friendly guild with over 100 members?
Yahiko: That’s the one! Heh!
*Hayate, Coolidge, and Yahiko walk together through Mac Anu*
Coolidge: Uh… Yahiko, was it?
Yahiko: Yeah.
Coolidge: Get this! Hayate’s in love with one of the members of our guild!
Hayate: *blush* COOLIDGE!!!
Yahiko: *smirk* Oh, is that so? …What’s her name?
Coolidge: Izumi! Isn’t that cute?!?
Hayate: C-CUT IT OUT, YOU GUYS!!!
Yahiko: Aw! Our little Hayate’s growing up!
Hayate: Well, at least I don’t have a crush on someone who doesn’t even know I exist!!
Coolidge: Hey! I’ll have you know that I got Ren’s autograph yesterday!
Hayate: (Yeah… For the 53rd time…)
Coolidge: And this time, she signed it with a kiss! That proves that she likes me!
Hayate: (Right…)
Yahiko: So, Hayate! When’s the wedding, huh? Ha!!!
Hayate: Grrrr… Oh, forget it! *starts walking away, but bumps into a pole*
Yahiko/Coolidge: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Hayate: (…I hate my life…)
*Yahiko suddenly notices a flyer on the pole Hayate bumped into*
Yahiko: Hmm? …Hey, guys, take a look at this!
Coolidge: Huh? What’s up?
Hayate: …A steam bike race?
Yahiko: “Have a need for speed? Participate in the Dragus-Runica Steam Bike Derby.” Sounds like fun!
Coolidge: And check it out! The prize for first place is…
Hayate/Coolidge: …ELK’S STAFF?!?!?
Yahiko: Elk’s…Staff? What’s that?
Hayate: You’ve never heard of the .ha--
*Coolidge suddenly covers Hayate’s mouth and drags him a short distance away from Yahiko*
Coolidge: *whispers* Information about the .hack//Arms are confidential only to our guild!
Hayate: Oh, sorry, I didn’t know…
Yahiko: …What were you guys talking about?
Hayate: Oh, nothing! So, anyway… Hey, guys, why don’t we participate in the race? It might be fun!
Coolidge: Sure, why not? I’m up for a little competition!
Yahiko: Cool! Where do we sign up?
Hayate: *reads the flyer* …In Lumina Cloth. The race itself takes place this Friday at D Hidden Forbidden Racetrack.
Coolidge: Alright!! We’re gonna totally dominate that race!!
~ Eternal City of Mac Anu; April 16, 2037 ~
*D Hidden Forbidden Racetrack ~ The Abandoned Racecourse of Dragus-Runica*
Announcer: Hello, and welcome to the 7th Annual Dragus-Runica Steam Bike Derby! We come to you live from the Racecourse of Dragus-Runica, where we have a magnificent turnout this year! 50 pairs of players have signed up to participate in today’s race, but only one is gonna emerge the winner! …Today’s Steam Bike Derby is brought to you by Kestrel’s Weapon Shop! Remember: If it’s broken, you probably didn’t buy it from us! If you did, no refunds!
*down at the starting line, steam bikes with two players on each are shown; Hayate is shown on his steam bike with Izumi sitting behind him*
Izumi: Alright! Let’s do it, Hayate!
Hayate: *groan* (How’d I get myself into this mess…?)
*four days ago…*
Hayate: Hmm… It looks like participants for the race sign up in pairs…
Yahiko: Two players to a bike? Hmm… I wonder who I should ride with?
Coolidge: *smirk* Hey, Hayate! You should sign up with Izumi!
Hayate: Okay, that’s getting really old, Coolidge!!!
*suddenly, Izumi walks up to the group*
Izumi: …What are you guys doing?
Hayate: *spins around* I-Izumi! What are you doing here!?
Izumi: I’m meeting with someone. …What are you doing here?
Hayate: Uh… Well… We were signing up for the derby.
Izumi: Oh, yeah. The Steam Bike Derby. I’ve always wanted to take part in it, but I’m too indecisive about competitions. Hehehe…
Coolidge: (Hmm…) *smirk*
*while Hayate talks to Izumi, Coolidge signs Izumi up with Hayate and hands in his registration form*
Coolidge: Hehehe…
Izumi: Well, I gotta go now. I’ll see you back at the @home, okay?
Hayate: S-Sure. …Hey, where’s my registration form?
Coolidge: No worries, Hayate! I handed it in for you!
Hayate: Oh. …Wait! What did you do?!?
*four days later, at the derby…*
Hayate: *groan* I’m gonna kill that Coolidge…
Izumi: You say something, Hayate?
Hayate: Oh, no, it’s nothing. Hehehe…
Announcer: The rules of the derby are simple! The front rider will concentrate on the race while the rear rider attempts to knock other riders off of their bikes using magic spells. If the front rider falls off of the bike, they and their rear rider are disqualified from the race! If you attempt to knock off another rider with anything but a magic item or spell, you’re disqualified! If the front rider attempts to attack another rider, they and their rear rider are disqualified! Whoever wins first place in the race wins the one-of-a-kind Elk’s Staff and the title of “The World’s Fastest Biker”!!!
*Hayate looks over to his far right to see Kyuzo riding with Haruhi*
Hayate: Hmph! (No matter what, we can’t let Kyuzo get the next .hack//Arm!)
Kyuzo: Heh… This race is in the bag…
Haruhi: …
*over at Kyuzo’s far right, Neon rides with Chibi-Usa*
Usa-chan: I wanna ride in front!!
Neon: One - It’s my bike. And two - You know more magic spells than me.
Usa-chan: I WANNA RIDE IN FRONT!!!!
Neon: …Keep up the tantrum and you won’t be riding at all…!
*over at Neon’s far right, Jack Russell rides with Piros VIII*
Piros VIII: WHOO!!!! Onward to victory!!!
Jack: I’m gonna kill Kyuzo for this…
Announcer: Riders, are you ready?!?
*the sounds of multiple steam bikes revving up echoes through the Lost Ground*
Announcer: ON YOUR MARK…
Hayate/Izumi: …
Announcer: GET SET…
Kyuzo/Haruhi: …
Announcer: …GOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Piros VIII: TALLYHO!!!!!
*all 50 steam bikes pull away from the starting line simultaneously*
Kyuzo: Let’s make quick work of these losers, Haruhi!
Haruhi: …Affirmative. *fires a Lei Zas spell*
Izumi: Hayate, look out!
*Hayate swerves to avoid a Zan Rom spell*
Hayate: Whew… That was a close one…
Usa-chan: *casts Ani Zot* …Ooh! I got one!
Neon: Good, Usa-chan… Now we’ve only got 47 TO GO!!!!!
Usa-chan: Hmph! Well, excuse me!
Announcer: Looks like this one’s heating up really early, folks! It’s only been 30 seconds since the race started, and already 7 rider pairs are out! And it looks like Team Kyuzo’s keeping up a steady lead!
Kyuzo: Heh! As if there was any doubt! How’s it look back there, Haruhi!?
Haruhi: We are currently keeping a constant 3.57-second lead ahead of Team Neon. Targeting… *fires a Lei Zas at Neon*
Neon: HEADS UP!!! *ducks down*
Usa-chan: Say what? *gets struck by Lei Zas and goes flying* AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
Neon: Usa-chan!!!
*Neon then pulls out the whip he denied Usa-chan one week before*
Neon: Usa-chan, catch!
*Neon throws the whip to Usa-chan, who uses it to “parasail” from the steam bike; she pulls on the whip and seats herself back on the bike*
Usa-chan: Ohhh… That was scary…
Neon: Okay! Time to make a comeback!
Piros VIII: AAAHHH!!! LOOK OUT FOR THAT METEOR!!! …AAAHHH!!! THAT WHIRLPOOL’S GETTING REALLY CLOSE!!! …AAAHHH!!! JUMP OVER THAT BLACK HOLE!!!
Jack: Piros, if you don’t shut your trap, I’m continuing this race without you!!!!!
Piros VIII: Nonsense!! There’s no “I” in “team”, as they say!!
Jack: No, but I’m about to put a “u” in “ouch”!!!
Piros VIII: …Um… There already is a “u” in “ouch”…
*Jack suddenly kicks Piros off the bike, causing him to be run over by several other rider teams*
Piros VIII: OW!!! Piros the-- OW!! --VIII is invincible-- OW!!! Hey, I bruise easily!!!
Announcer: What’s this? It looks like Team Jack Russell is short one teammate!! Although there’s no rule against riding alone, that’s gonna put Team J.R. at a major disadvantage!!
Izumi: *panting* Running low…on SP…
*just then, Izumi’s SP is fully restored when Hayate uses an item on her*
Izumi: Huh?
Hayate: No rule against healing your teammate, is there?
Izumi: …Heh… *gasp* Hayate, look out!!!
*Hayate looks ahead and sees an entire row of Lei Zas spells heading for him*
Izumi: There’s no way we can avoid that!!
Hayate: …There is one way… Hold on tight, Izumi!
*Izumi suddenly wraps her arms tightly around Hayate, though his assumption was that she’d hold onto the bike*
Hayate: Uh… H-Here we go!
*Hayate turns the bike sideways, causing it to skid, and as soon as it hits a bump in the road, it jumps into the air and does a barrel roll over the row of laser beams*
Hayate/Izumi: WHOOOOOOOAAAAAAA!!!!!
*as soon as the bike lands, Hayate turns the bike back to its front and continues riding*
Announcer: UNBELIEVABLE!!! What seemed like hopeless defeat for Team Hayate is completely turned around as they pull off one of the most spectacular maneuvers in steam bike history!! Truly amazing!! …And we’ll be back after a word from our sponsors!!!
*in the stands…*
Orion: Hmm… Not bad, Hayate… Not bad at all…
: Is this seat taken?
Orion: Hmm?
*Orion looks over and sees a pink-haired girl PC scantily dressed in black and gold armor*
Orion: …No.
*the girl sits down and immediately crosses her arms, as well as her legs*
: …Good race, huh?
Orion: …
: …What are you looking at?
Orion: …You’re Aquitaine, a member of Kestrel.
Aquitaine: …Yeah, what of it?
Orion: *chuckles* Nothing really.
Aquitaine: Hmph. Whatever, old man.
Announcer: And we’re back, folks!! If you’re just now joining us, the Steam Bike Derby is really heating up as our riders now approach…the Chasm of Chaos!!! The riders will have to practice true dexterity as they jump from pillar to pillar in order to get to the other side of the chasm! But they’ll have to be careful! No two bikes can be on a pillar at the same time, or else the pillar will come CRASHING DOWN!!!
Kyuzo: What’s our lead time, Haruhi?
Haruhi: 4.42 seconds.
Kyuzo: Heh… Crossing this chasm will be a piece o’ cake!
Announcer: Looks like Team Kyuzo’s the first to cross the chasm! Here comes Team Neon close behind them! …And they made it! …Uh-oh! Looks like Team Hayate and Team J.R. are neck and neck! Will one of them make it across, or will both of them be knocked out of the race!?
Jack: That staff is as good as mine!
Hayate: Over my dead body!
Jack: Heh… Be careful what you wish for!
*Hayate and Jack jump over the pillars with 1-second intervals between them*
Jack: Hehehe! Not too shabby, kid!
: INCOMING!!!!!
Jack: *looks up* What the hell?!?
*Piros VIII suddenly comes crashing down onto Jack’s steam bike*
Jack: GAH!!!! PIROS, YOU IDIOT!!!! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM?!?
Piros VIII: To be honest, I’m not quite sure myself!!
*the extra weight added by Piros slows the steam bike down, causing Hayate and Jack to land on the final pillar at the same time; the pillar becomes dislodged and begins to fall into the chasm*
Announcer: Uh-oh!!! This looks like the end for Teams Hayate and J.R.!!!
Jack: NO!!!!!
Izumi: IT’S ALL OVER!!!!!
Hayate: Not if I can help it!!!
*Hayate keeps his hand on the brake pedal and starts revving up his bike*
Izumi: What are you doing, Hayate!?
Hayate: What’s it look like!? I’m winning this race!!!
*with the bike revved up, Hayate keeps his foot on the gas pedal and lets go of the brake pedal, causing the bike to go zooming off of the pillar into the air*
Jack: NO F**KING WAY!!!!!!
*when the bike lands, Hayate and Izumi end up on the other side of the chasm, in first place*
Announcer: I… I DON’T BELIEVE MY EYES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!! Team Hayate has done it again!! Completely turning hopelessness around, they’ve now gained the lead over Team Kyuzo!!! ABSOLUTELY MAGNIFICENT!!!!
Aquitaine: …Whoa…
Orion: …Impressed?
Aquitaine: Uh… Hmph! T-That was nothing! I could do moves like that in my sleep!
Orion: …Hehehe…
Kyuzo: Grrrr… That kid…
Haruhi: They currently have a 7.84-second lead ahead of us, Master Kyuzo--
Kyuzo: Shut up and blast them off the road!!!
Haruhi: …Yes, Master Kyuzo… *casts Lei Zas*
Izumi: Incoming!!!
Hayate: All over it!!!
*Hayate swerves to avoid Haruhi’s Lei Zas spells; suddenly, one Lei Zas strikes Hayate’s bike’s left muffler, slowing it down a little*
Hayate: Oh, no! We’re hit!
Kyuzo: Heh… Poor kid never stood a chance… Now, Haruhi! Finish them off!
Haruhi: Yes, Master Kyuzo… Targeting…
*just then, right before Haruhi could cast Lei Zas, they’re struck by a falling rock*
Kyuzo: GAAAAH!!!! Where the hell did that come from?!?
*close behind Kyuzo and Haruhi, Neon and Chibi-Usa are seen*
Neon: We got your back, Hayate!
Hayate: Neon!
Izumi: Usa-chan!
Neon: Hit ‘em again, sis!
Usa-chan: Gotcha!! Gan Bolg!!!
*rocks rain down on Kyuzo and Haruhi, causing them to lose speed when they swerve*
Kyuzo: Grrrr… Take ‘em out, Haruhi!
Haruhi: …Targeting… *creates a row of Ani Zot black holes*
Neon: NOT GOOD!!!
*the bike becomes caught by the black hole, incapacitating Neon and Chibi-Usa*
Neon: Damn!!! …Sorry, Hayate… You’re on your own from here on…
Haruhi: Target neutralized, Master Kyuzo.
Kyuzo: Heh! Looks like it’s just you and me, kid…
Announcer: It all comes down to this!! 50 rider pairs reduced to 2!! Who’s gonna take home the grand prize - Team Hayate!? Or Team Kyuzo?!? We’ll find out…right after this!!!
*meanwhile…*
Jack: You are the BIGGEST loser I’ve ever had the displeasure of associating with!!! Because of you, we got disqualified from the race!!! I should cleave your head clean off!!!
Piros VIII: Aw, you don’t mean that!!! I know what you need!!! A GREAT, BIG HUG!!!
Jack: Sure, why not?!? And look!!! *draws scythe* My scythe wants to hug you too!!! NOW HOLD STILL!!!!
Piros VIII: *gulp* …C-Can’t we talk this out?
Jack: HA!!!! I don’t think so!!! *swings scythe*
Piros VIII: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! HAVE MERCY!!!!!
Jack: Mercy’s for the weak!!!! Get back here!!!!
~ Next Time on Infected! ~
Announcer: It’s a photo finish! …And the winner is… *gasp*
~*~*~*~
Endrance: …I’d received word that someone had cast a spell on another player while in Mac Anu…
Kyuzo: …What’s your point?
Endrance: …Mr. Kyuzo… Are you aware of the punishment for hacking?
Kyuzo: …
Endrance: …That’s what I thought…
~*~*~*~
: HEY, YOU!!!
Hayate: Hmm?
: Yeah, you! The blond guy!
Hayate: Is there something you want from--
: Where’s Kyuzo?!?
Hayate: *gulp* E-Excuse me!?
6th Phase: Radical Rendezvous!
Girl: Ka…zu…to…
~ Eternal City of Mac Anu; April 11, 2037 ~
*…Glaive LeGable @home…*
Izumi: …I’m sorry, everyone… I should’ve been more careful…
Neon: Don’t blame yourself, Izumi.
Izumi: …But I--
Orion: What’s done is done. All we can do now is move forward. End of story.
Izumi: …
Usa-chan: Hmm… I know! Let’s hang Coolidge from the ceiling and beat him with a blunt object like a piñata! That always cheers you up!
Coolidge: OH, NO!!! NO WAY!!! Last time we did that, my head nearly came off!!!
Izumi: *giggles* …Thanks, everyone… But I’ll be okay.
Hayate: … *stands up* …I’m going out for a bit.
Neon: Hmm? Hayate?
Hayate: …I won’t be gone long… *leaves*
*…Mercenary District, outside the @home door…*
Hayate: …
Kyuzo: Yo!
Hayate: …
Kyuzo: I guess this means I finally one-upped you, doesn’t it?
Hayate: …
Kyuzo: …The silent treatment, huh? Well, that’s understandable. After all, I did PK the crap outta your little girlfriend just for a weapon--
Hayate: You’re a creep, you know that?!?
Kyuzo: …Hmm?
Hayate: You set a trap for our guild and ambush an innocent girl all for a stupid pair of dual swords!!
Kyuzo: …That’s the way it is in this world, kiddo… Kill or be killed… Survival of the fittest…
Hayate: I don’t care about you OR your half-assed philosophies!! As far as I’m concerned, you and I are enemies!! Haishou!? *walks off*
Kyuzo: …Man, that kid’s got a lot to learn…
*…Alchemy District, bridge…*
Hayate: …
*suddenly, the graphics of the game become distorted for a split second*
Hayate: …Huh? *looks up* …Did someone just…call my name?
: Hey, Hayate!Hayate: Hmm? *sees Coolidge running over*
Coolidge: Something the matter? You seemed kinda out of it when you left…
Hayate: …I just have a lot on my mind right now.
Coolidge: Hmm… Ohhh… I think I know what this is about…
Hayate: Hmm?
Coolidge: *smirk* You like Izumi, don’t you!?
Hayate: *blush* W-What?!? You’re crazy!!! I’ve only known her for a few days!!!
Coolidge: Sometimes, a few days are all it takes! Hahahaha!!!
Hayate: *groan*
: BANZAI!!!!Hayate/Coolidge: WHAT THE HELL?!?
*Yahiko suddenly crashes into Hayate, knocking him over*
Yahiko: Hey, Hayate!
Hayate: …Hey, Yahiko…
Coolidge: …Friend of yours?
Hayate: *sarcastically* How could you tell? *stands up* Coolidge, Yahiko. Yahiko, Coolidge.
Coolidge: ‘Sup?
Yahiko: Hey! …So, Hayate, I haven’t seen you around lately. What’s going on?
Hayate: Oh, that’s right, I never told you, did I? I joined a guild. Coolidge is in it too.
Yahiko: Oh, really? That’s cool. I just recently joined a guild myself.
Hayate: What’s it called?
Yahiko: Canard.
Coolidge: Oh, yeah… I’ve heard of that. Isn’t that the newbie-friendly guild with over 100 members?
Yahiko: That’s the one! Heh!
*Hayate, Coolidge, and Yahiko walk together through Mac Anu*
Coolidge: Uh… Yahiko, was it?
Yahiko: Yeah.
Coolidge: Get this! Hayate’s in love with one of the members of our guild!
Hayate: *blush* COOLIDGE!!!
Yahiko: *smirk* Oh, is that so? …What’s her name?
Coolidge: Izumi! Isn’t that cute?!?
Hayate: C-CUT IT OUT, YOU GUYS!!!
Yahiko: Aw! Our little Hayate’s growing up!
Hayate: Well, at least I don’t have a crush on someone who doesn’t even know I exist!!
Coolidge: Hey! I’ll have you know that I got Ren’s autograph yesterday!
Hayate: (Yeah… For the 53rd time…)
Coolidge: And this time, she signed it with a kiss! That proves that she likes me!
Hayate: (Right…)
Yahiko: So, Hayate! When’s the wedding, huh? Ha!!!
Hayate: Grrrr… Oh, forget it! *starts walking away, but bumps into a pole*
Yahiko/Coolidge: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Hayate: (…I hate my life…)
*Yahiko suddenly notices a flyer on the pole Hayate bumped into*
Yahiko: Hmm? …Hey, guys, take a look at this!
Coolidge: Huh? What’s up?
Hayate: …A steam bike race?
Yahiko: “Have a need for speed? Participate in the Dragus-Runica Steam Bike Derby.” Sounds like fun!
Coolidge: And check it out! The prize for first place is…
Hayate/Coolidge: …ELK’S STAFF?!?!?
Yahiko: Elk’s…Staff? What’s that?
Hayate: You’ve never heard of the .ha--
*Coolidge suddenly covers Hayate’s mouth and drags him a short distance away from Yahiko*
Coolidge: *whispers* Information about the .hack//Arms are confidential only to our guild!
Hayate: Oh, sorry, I didn’t know…
Yahiko: …What were you guys talking about?
Hayate: Oh, nothing! So, anyway… Hey, guys, why don’t we participate in the race? It might be fun!
Coolidge: Sure, why not? I’m up for a little competition!
Yahiko: Cool! Where do we sign up?
Hayate: *reads the flyer* …In Lumina Cloth. The race itself takes place this Friday at D Hidden Forbidden Racetrack.
Coolidge: Alright!! We’re gonna totally dominate that race!!
~ Eternal City of Mac Anu; April 16, 2037 ~
*D Hidden Forbidden Racetrack ~ The Abandoned Racecourse of Dragus-Runica*
Announcer: Hello, and welcome to the 7th Annual Dragus-Runica Steam Bike Derby! We come to you live from the Racecourse of Dragus-Runica, where we have a magnificent turnout this year! 50 pairs of players have signed up to participate in today’s race, but only one is gonna emerge the winner! …Today’s Steam Bike Derby is brought to you by Kestrel’s Weapon Shop! Remember: If it’s broken, you probably didn’t buy it from us! If you did, no refunds!
*down at the starting line, steam bikes with two players on each are shown; Hayate is shown on his steam bike with Izumi sitting behind him*
Izumi: Alright! Let’s do it, Hayate!
Hayate: *groan* (How’d I get myself into this mess…?)
*four days ago…*
Hayate: Hmm… It looks like participants for the race sign up in pairs…
Yahiko: Two players to a bike? Hmm… I wonder who I should ride with?
Coolidge: *smirk* Hey, Hayate! You should sign up with Izumi!
Hayate: Okay, that’s getting really old, Coolidge!!!
*suddenly, Izumi walks up to the group*
Izumi: …What are you guys doing?
Hayate: *spins around* I-Izumi! What are you doing here!?
Izumi: I’m meeting with someone. …What are you doing here?
Hayate: Uh… Well… We were signing up for the derby.
Izumi: Oh, yeah. The Steam Bike Derby. I’ve always wanted to take part in it, but I’m too indecisive about competitions. Hehehe…
Coolidge: (Hmm…) *smirk*
*while Hayate talks to Izumi, Coolidge signs Izumi up with Hayate and hands in his registration form*
Coolidge: Hehehe…
Izumi: Well, I gotta go now. I’ll see you back at the @home, okay?
Hayate: S-Sure. …Hey, where’s my registration form?
Coolidge: No worries, Hayate! I handed it in for you!
Hayate: Oh. …Wait! What did you do?!?
*four days later, at the derby…*
Hayate: *groan* I’m gonna kill that Coolidge…
Izumi: You say something, Hayate?
Hayate: Oh, no, it’s nothing. Hehehe…
Announcer: The rules of the derby are simple! The front rider will concentrate on the race while the rear rider attempts to knock other riders off of their bikes using magic spells. If the front rider falls off of the bike, they and their rear rider are disqualified from the race! If you attempt to knock off another rider with anything but a magic item or spell, you’re disqualified! If the front rider attempts to attack another rider, they and their rear rider are disqualified! Whoever wins first place in the race wins the one-of-a-kind Elk’s Staff and the title of “The World’s Fastest Biker”!!!
*Hayate looks over to his far right to see Kyuzo riding with Haruhi*
Hayate: Hmph! (No matter what, we can’t let Kyuzo get the next .hack//Arm!)
Kyuzo: Heh… This race is in the bag…
Haruhi: …
*over at Kyuzo’s far right, Neon rides with Chibi-Usa*
Usa-chan: I wanna ride in front!!
Neon: One - It’s my bike. And two - You know more magic spells than me.
Usa-chan: I WANNA RIDE IN FRONT!!!!
Neon: …Keep up the tantrum and you won’t be riding at all…!
*over at Neon’s far right, Jack Russell rides with Piros VIII*
Piros VIII: WHOO!!!! Onward to victory!!!
Jack: I’m gonna kill Kyuzo for this…
Announcer: Riders, are you ready?!?
*the sounds of multiple steam bikes revving up echoes through the Lost Ground*
Announcer: ON YOUR MARK…
Hayate/Izumi: …
Announcer: GET SET…
Kyuzo/Haruhi: …
Announcer: …GOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Piros VIII: TALLYHO!!!!!
*all 50 steam bikes pull away from the starting line simultaneously*
Kyuzo: Let’s make quick work of these losers, Haruhi!
Haruhi: …Affirmative. *fires a Lei Zas spell*
Izumi: Hayate, look out!
*Hayate swerves to avoid a Zan Rom spell*
Hayate: Whew… That was a close one…
Usa-chan: *casts Ani Zot* …Ooh! I got one!
Neon: Good, Usa-chan… Now we’ve only got 47 TO GO!!!!!
Usa-chan: Hmph! Well, excuse me!
Announcer: Looks like this one’s heating up really early, folks! It’s only been 30 seconds since the race started, and already 7 rider pairs are out! And it looks like Team Kyuzo’s keeping up a steady lead!
Kyuzo: Heh! As if there was any doubt! How’s it look back there, Haruhi!?
Haruhi: We are currently keeping a constant 3.57-second lead ahead of Team Neon. Targeting… *fires a Lei Zas at Neon*
Neon: HEADS UP!!! *ducks down*
Usa-chan: Say what? *gets struck by Lei Zas and goes flying* AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
Neon: Usa-chan!!!
*Neon then pulls out the whip he denied Usa-chan one week before*
Neon: Usa-chan, catch!
*Neon throws the whip to Usa-chan, who uses it to “parasail” from the steam bike; she pulls on the whip and seats herself back on the bike*
Usa-chan: Ohhh… That was scary…
Neon: Okay! Time to make a comeback!
Piros VIII: AAAHHH!!! LOOK OUT FOR THAT METEOR!!! …AAAHHH!!! THAT WHIRLPOOL’S GETTING REALLY CLOSE!!! …AAAHHH!!! JUMP OVER THAT BLACK HOLE!!!
Jack: Piros, if you don’t shut your trap, I’m continuing this race without you!!!!!
Piros VIII: Nonsense!! There’s no “I” in “team”, as they say!!
Jack: No, but I’m about to put a “u” in “ouch”!!!
Piros VIII: …Um… There already is a “u” in “ouch”…
*Jack suddenly kicks Piros off the bike, causing him to be run over by several other rider teams*
Piros VIII: OW!!! Piros the-- OW!! --VIII is invincible-- OW!!! Hey, I bruise easily!!!
Announcer: What’s this? It looks like Team Jack Russell is short one teammate!! Although there’s no rule against riding alone, that’s gonna put Team J.R. at a major disadvantage!!
Izumi: *panting* Running low…on SP…
*just then, Izumi’s SP is fully restored when Hayate uses an item on her*
Izumi: Huh?
Hayate: No rule against healing your teammate, is there?
Izumi: …Heh… *gasp* Hayate, look out!!!
*Hayate looks ahead and sees an entire row of Lei Zas spells heading for him*
Izumi: There’s no way we can avoid that!!
Hayate: …There is one way… Hold on tight, Izumi!
*Izumi suddenly wraps her arms tightly around Hayate, though his assumption was that she’d hold onto the bike*
Hayate: Uh… H-Here we go!
*Hayate turns the bike sideways, causing it to skid, and as soon as it hits a bump in the road, it jumps into the air and does a barrel roll over the row of laser beams*
Hayate/Izumi: WHOOOOOOOAAAAAAA!!!!!
*as soon as the bike lands, Hayate turns the bike back to its front and continues riding*
Announcer: UNBELIEVABLE!!! What seemed like hopeless defeat for Team Hayate is completely turned around as they pull off one of the most spectacular maneuvers in steam bike history!! Truly amazing!! …And we’ll be back after a word from our sponsors!!!
*in the stands…*
Orion: Hmm… Not bad, Hayate… Not bad at all…
: Is this seat taken?Orion: Hmm?
*Orion looks over and sees a pink-haired girl PC scantily dressed in black and gold armor*
Orion: …No.
*the girl sits down and immediately crosses her arms, as well as her legs*
: …Good race, huh?Orion: …
: …What are you looking at?Orion: …You’re Aquitaine, a member of Kestrel.
Aquitaine: …Yeah, what of it?
Orion: *chuckles* Nothing really.
Aquitaine: Hmph. Whatever, old man.
Announcer: And we’re back, folks!! If you’re just now joining us, the Steam Bike Derby is really heating up as our riders now approach…the Chasm of Chaos!!! The riders will have to practice true dexterity as they jump from pillar to pillar in order to get to the other side of the chasm! But they’ll have to be careful! No two bikes can be on a pillar at the same time, or else the pillar will come CRASHING DOWN!!!
Kyuzo: What’s our lead time, Haruhi?
Haruhi: 4.42 seconds.
Kyuzo: Heh… Crossing this chasm will be a piece o’ cake!
Announcer: Looks like Team Kyuzo’s the first to cross the chasm! Here comes Team Neon close behind them! …And they made it! …Uh-oh! Looks like Team Hayate and Team J.R. are neck and neck! Will one of them make it across, or will both of them be knocked out of the race!?
Jack: That staff is as good as mine!
Hayate: Over my dead body!
Jack: Heh… Be careful what you wish for!
*Hayate and Jack jump over the pillars with 1-second intervals between them*
Jack: Hehehe! Not too shabby, kid!
: INCOMING!!!!!Jack: *looks up* What the hell?!?
*Piros VIII suddenly comes crashing down onto Jack’s steam bike*
Jack: GAH!!!! PIROS, YOU IDIOT!!!! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM?!?
Piros VIII: To be honest, I’m not quite sure myself!!
*the extra weight added by Piros slows the steam bike down, causing Hayate and Jack to land on the final pillar at the same time; the pillar becomes dislodged and begins to fall into the chasm*
Announcer: Uh-oh!!! This looks like the end for Teams Hayate and J.R.!!!
Jack: NO!!!!!
Izumi: IT’S ALL OVER!!!!!
Hayate: Not if I can help it!!!
*Hayate keeps his hand on the brake pedal and starts revving up his bike*
Izumi: What are you doing, Hayate!?
Hayate: What’s it look like!? I’m winning this race!!!
*with the bike revved up, Hayate keeps his foot on the gas pedal and lets go of the brake pedal, causing the bike to go zooming off of the pillar into the air*
Jack: NO F**KING WAY!!!!!!
*when the bike lands, Hayate and Izumi end up on the other side of the chasm, in first place*
Announcer: I… I DON’T BELIEVE MY EYES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!! Team Hayate has done it again!! Completely turning hopelessness around, they’ve now gained the lead over Team Kyuzo!!! ABSOLUTELY MAGNIFICENT!!!!
Aquitaine: …Whoa…
Orion: …Impressed?
Aquitaine: Uh… Hmph! T-That was nothing! I could do moves like that in my sleep!
Orion: …Hehehe…
Kyuzo: Grrrr… That kid…
Haruhi: They currently have a 7.84-second lead ahead of us, Master Kyuzo--
Kyuzo: Shut up and blast them off the road!!!
Haruhi: …Yes, Master Kyuzo… *casts Lei Zas*
Izumi: Incoming!!!
Hayate: All over it!!!
*Hayate swerves to avoid Haruhi’s Lei Zas spells; suddenly, one Lei Zas strikes Hayate’s bike’s left muffler, slowing it down a little*
Hayate: Oh, no! We’re hit!
Kyuzo: Heh… Poor kid never stood a chance… Now, Haruhi! Finish them off!
Haruhi: Yes, Master Kyuzo… Targeting…
*just then, right before Haruhi could cast Lei Zas, they’re struck by a falling rock*
Kyuzo: GAAAAH!!!! Where the hell did that come from?!?
*close behind Kyuzo and Haruhi, Neon and Chibi-Usa are seen*
Neon: We got your back, Hayate!
Hayate: Neon!
Izumi: Usa-chan!
Neon: Hit ‘em again, sis!
Usa-chan: Gotcha!! Gan Bolg!!!
*rocks rain down on Kyuzo and Haruhi, causing them to lose speed when they swerve*
Kyuzo: Grrrr… Take ‘em out, Haruhi!
Haruhi: …Targeting… *creates a row of Ani Zot black holes*
Neon: NOT GOOD!!!
*the bike becomes caught by the black hole, incapacitating Neon and Chibi-Usa*
Neon: Damn!!! …Sorry, Hayate… You’re on your own from here on…
Haruhi: Target neutralized, Master Kyuzo.
Kyuzo: Heh! Looks like it’s just you and me, kid…
Announcer: It all comes down to this!! 50 rider pairs reduced to 2!! Who’s gonna take home the grand prize - Team Hayate!? Or Team Kyuzo?!? We’ll find out…right after this!!!
*meanwhile…*
Jack: You are the BIGGEST loser I’ve ever had the displeasure of associating with!!! Because of you, we got disqualified from the race!!! I should cleave your head clean off!!!
Piros VIII: Aw, you don’t mean that!!! I know what you need!!! A GREAT, BIG HUG!!!
Jack: Sure, why not?!? And look!!! *draws scythe* My scythe wants to hug you too!!! NOW HOLD STILL!!!!
Piros VIII: *gulp* …C-Can’t we talk this out?
Jack: HA!!!! I don’t think so!!! *swings scythe*
Piros VIII: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! HAVE MERCY!!!!!
Jack: Mercy’s for the weak!!!! Get back here!!!!
~ Next Time on Infected! ~
Announcer: It’s a photo finish! …And the winner is… *gasp*
~*~*~*~
Endrance: …I’d received word that someone had cast a spell on another player while in Mac Anu…
Kyuzo: …What’s your point?
Endrance: …Mr. Kyuzo… Are you aware of the punishment for hacking?
Kyuzo: …
Endrance: …That’s what I thought…
~*~*~*~
: HEY, YOU!!!Hayate: Hmm?
: Yeah, you! The blond guy!Hayate: Is there something you want from--
: Where’s Kyuzo?!?Hayate: *gulp* E-Excuse me!?
6th Phase: Radical Rendezvous!
