Post by Hayate on Oct 13, 2007 22:15:02 GMT -5
Here's a new episode of .hax//WTF in commemoration of the site's one-year anniversary tomorrow. Enjoy.
*Voice pops his head inside the control room*
Voice: Hello…? Anybody home…?
*no one answers*
Voice: …Phew! Looks like the coast is clear! *enters the control room and locks the door* Time to go to work! *snaps fingers*
*everything in the control room turns on*
Voice: Hehehehe…
*suddenly, there’s a pounding at the door*
Executive 1: VOICE!!! We know you’re in there!!!
Executive 2: We told you .hax//WTF was cancelled!!!
Voice: (Crap! Busted already!?)
Executive 1: Open this f**king door right now!!!
Voice: BITE ME!!!
Executive 2: You’re lucky our powers were taken away ever since the show’s cancellation, or else we’d be kicking your ass at this point!!!
Voice: Like I give a damn!!! *snaps fingers*
*Voice’s security system reactivates, and deadly lasers are aimed at the Executives*
Executives: …Uh-oh…
*laser beams are fired*
Executives: AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! MY EYES!!!!!!!!
Voice: Hehehehe… That ought to keep those c.ockbags busy for awhile… Now then! *vanishes*
*meanwhile, in Mac Anu…*
Haseo: ………WHAT THE F**K IS TAKING HER SO LONG?!?!?
*seconds later, Atoli gates in*
Atoli: Hi, Haseo!
Haseo: It’s about time, girl!!! I’ve been waiting over 20 minutes!!!
Atoli: Aw… Did you want to see me that badly?
Haseo: …Shut up and let’s go.
*Haseo and Atoli attempt to warp to a dungeon, but end up warping to Insane Pathetic Liveshow, where they see the charred remains of the .hax//WTF mansion*
Atoli: Hey! I remember this place!
Haseo: Aw, crap. I must’ve entered the wrong area word. Let’s go back to town. *turns around and tries to warp, but fails* …What the hell? What’s wrong with this thing!? *kicks transporter* C’mon, work, you piece of shit!
Atoli: Is it broken…?
Haseo: Broken? …OH, HELL!! It’s happening again!! Work, damn you!!
Voice: *appears behind Haseo and Atoli* HELLO AGAIN, BITCHES!!
Atoli: Hi, Voice!
Haseo: …F**king perfect.
*2 hours later, Sakubo, Endrance, Ovan, Rena, Ouka, Arkyron, Lawliet, Squall, Hartz, Marche, Slade, and Dekar all assemble in the area*
Dekar: *falls to knees* WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Slade: *kicks Dekar* Oh, grow up, emomancer!
Dekar: *stands up* Okay, that’s it! The next person to call me “emomancer” faces my fury!
Arkyron: …Emomancer… Hehehehe…
Dekar: *eye twitches* *summons Lanceor* SMITE!!!
Lanceor: … *shocks Arkyron with 10,000 volts*
Arkyron: AAAAAAAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
Dekar: …I warned you…
Endrance: *sigh* The Voice must’ve been lonely if he had to resort to this again…
Mia: *purrs while on Endrance’s shoulder*
Endrance: Don’t worry, Mia. As soon as I kick Voice’s ass, we’ll leave.
Voice: *appears* Hahahaha! Oh, I don’t predict that happening any time soon!
All: … *draws weapons*
Voice: Whoa, whoa, hold on! Aren’t you even gonna let me speak!?
All: HELL NO!!!
Voice: *sigh* I had a feeling you’d say that… *snaps fingers*
*everyone’s weapons instantly turn to gelatin*
All: Eww…
Marche: Hmm… *eats broadsword* …Mmm. Cherry.
Hartz: …Well, he certainly hasn’t changed…
Haseo: Alright, Voice, I’ll bite… What the hell do you want now?
Voice: Two words – Reunion Episode!!!
Ouka: …Say what now?
Voice: It’s been exactly one year since .hax//WTF was cancelled! And what’s a reality TV show without a reunion?
Ovan: He has a point.
All: OH, GO TO HELL, OVAN!!!
Ovan: …C.ockbags…
Haseo: *draws scythe* Okay, Voice! You have three seconds to let us out of here, or else I’ll be using your head as a steam bike hood ornament!
Lawliet: …Eww, I just got a mental picture!
Voice: Oh, calm down, Haseo. It’s just one episode. In exactly 12 hours, you can all go free again!
Squall: …Yeah, until next year…
Rena: Let’s face it, guys. Unless we do this reunion thing, he’s not gonna let us go.
Voice: I’m glad you see things my way, Rena! In that case… *snaps fingers*
*the WTF mansion is instantly restored and a banquet is set up around the mansion*
Marche: Whoo!!! Pixi Stix, here I come!!! *runs into the mansion*
Haseo: …Just one day?
Voice: Just one day!
Haseo: *sigh* Alright, fine… This is what I get for wanting something exciting to happen…
Sakubo: (Bo) Alright! Dibs on the pot roast! *twitch* (Saku) No meat, Bo! I’m trying to watch my figure! *twitch* (Bo) You’re 12! You don’t have a figure! *twitch* (Saku) SHUT UP!!!
Hartz: Hahahaha! That never gets old!
Arkyron: THIS BE THE WILL OF TRI-EDGE!!!!!
Hartz: *sweatdrop* …But that does…
Voice: (Yes… That’s it, bitches… Eat and be merry… ‘Cuz by the end of the day, you’ll all be doing my bidding… Hehehehe…)
Lawliet: …Voice? I know that look in your eye… You’re planning something, aren’t you?
Voice: Why, Lawliet, I have no idea what you’re talking about…
Lawliet: Uh-huh… I’m keeping my eye on you. If you try anything funny, your ass is grass, you understand me!? *walks away*
Voice: …Hehehehe…
*minutes later…*
Ouka: WHOA!!! Look at this spread!!! Turkey, ham, chips and dip, pretzels, pigs-in-blankets, soda, chipotle sauce… I don’t even know what the hell chipotle is, and I still like it!
*Hartz and Ouka both reach for a spring roll; they look up and look into each other’s eyes*
Hartz: Hands off! I saw it first!
Ouka: Not a chance, whitey! This spring roll’s mine!
Hartz: Well then… I guess there’s only one way to settle this…
Both: MORTAL KOMBAT!!!
*Hartz and Ouka jump onto the buffet table and draw their weapons*
Hartz: …
Ouka: …
Ovan: Both of you get off the table and quit acting like idiots!!! …Ooh, a spring roll! *picks up spring roll and eats up*
Hartz/Ouka: NOOOOO!!!!! …Grrrr…
*Hartz and Ouka chase after Ovan*
Ovan: WHAT’D I DO?!?
*meanwhile…*
Haseo: … *turns head* BACK OFF!!!
Lawliet: …What are you doing, Haseo?
Haseo: *turns head* I keep getting this feeling that, if I look away, Tabby will tackle me to the ground… *turns head again* BACK OFF!!!
Lawliet: *sweatdrop* Uh-huh… So, Haseo, how often do you sleep with Atoli now?
Haseo: *turns to Lawliet* …I’m engaged to Shino, Lawliet… *turns head again* I SAID, BACK OFF!!!
Lawliet: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just answer the question.
Haseo: … *drops punch bowl on Lawliet’s head* …Does that answer your question? *walks off*
Lawliet: Hey! I just had this suit dry-cleaned!
*meanwhile (again)…*
Endrance: So, Rena… You and Squall are dating now?
Rena: Yup! I just love those quiet, withdrawn types!
Squall: …
Dekar: Huh… Rena and Squall… Who’d have thought?
Slade: Well, I wish you two the best! To celebrate, here’s a complimentary copy of my new bestselling yaoi book!
Rena: …Uh, no thanks…
Slade: Ah, well… What about you, Endrance? You’re into yaoi! Hahahaha!
Endrance: Slade, don’t make me go “Avada Kedavra” on your ass!
Slade: …Avada Ke-what now? Dude, what are you on?
Endrance: …Dammit!! I need to go see Voice about something!! *walks off*
Squall: …That was weird…
*meanwhile (again-again)…*
Sakubo: (Saku) Salad! *twitch* (Bo) Pork! *twitch* (Saku) Salad! *twitch* (Bo) Ham! *twitch* (Saku) Salad! *twitch* (Bo) Chicken! *twitch*
Dekar: Dammit, would you just decide already so I can get to the vodka!?!?
Sakubo: (Saku) SALAD! *twitch* (Bo) ROAST BEEF! *twitch*
Dekar: Alright, that’s it! *places hand on Sakubo’s head* BY THE ANCIENT ARTS OF NECROMANCY, I COMMAND THEE!!! ISOLATE AND SEPARATE!!!!
*in a great puff of smoke, Dekar divides Sakubo into two PCs – Saku and Bo*
Saku: We’ve…
Bo: …divided?
Saku/Bo: ALRIGHT!!!
Dekar: Yeah, yeah, yeah, outta my way! *shoves Saku and Bo away and picks up bottle of vodka* Hello, baby… Did you miss daddy? Daddy sure missed you…
Saku/Bo: …Freak…
*meanwhile (once again)…*
Arkyron: PRAISE TRI-EDGE!
Marche: PRAISE TRI-EDGE!
Arkyron: PRAISE TRI-EDGE!!
Marche: PRAISE TRI-EDGE!!
Arkyron: PRAISE TRI-EDGE!!!
Marche: PRAISE TRI-EDGE!!!
Arkyron: PRAISE TRI-EDGE!!!!
Marche: PRAISE TRI-EDGE!!!!
Arkyron: *turns to Marche* Are you challenging me?!?
Marche: …I dunno, am I?
Arkyron: Oh, a wise guy, huh!? Alright, fine! *rolls up sleeves* HAVE AT YOU!!!
Marche: …Wanna play Pictionary?
Arkyron: MAHATMA GANDHI!!! *tackles Marche to the ground*
Marche: Aah! Uncle! UNCLE!!!
Haseo: …For some reason, I find this amusing…
*just then, Voice and Endrance walk by behind Haseo*
Voice: Go away!
Endrance: C’mon! Give me Harry Potter powers! PLEASE?!?
Voice: I said, get the hell away from me!!!
Haseo: …Yup… This place hasn’t changed one bit…
*meanwhile (again!)…*
Atoli: *singing karaoke* “Debbie just hit the wall, she never had it all, one Prozac a day, husband’s a CPA…”
Lawliet: Huh… I never realized Atoli had such a good singing voice.
Hartz: There’s a lot about Atoli you don’t know! She’s 17 years old, she’s a member of her high school’s Animal Club, she likes to cook, she owns three pet birds, and her measurements are--
Lawliet: Whoa-whoa-whoa! That’s more info than I need, Atoli-lover!
Slade: …How the hell do you know all that stuff anyway?
Hartz: *talking quickly* I didn’t hack into her The World account!
All: …
Hartz: …Hehehe… *takes a sip of soda*
Atoli: *singing karaoke* “Her two kids in high school, they tell her that she’s uncool ‘cuz she’s still preoccupied with 19…19…1985!”
*in the control room…*
Voice: *typing on computer console* Yes, that’s it, my bitches… Have all the fun you can, ‘cuz it’s the last fun you’ll ever have…
Executive 1: *from outside the control room* Okay, Voice! This is getting really old! Because of your stupid security system, I’ve been struck blind in BOTH EYES!!!
Executive 2: And I can’t feel my fingers!
Voice: EAT MY SHORTS!!!!! …I’ve always wanted to say that.
Executive 1: Alright, Voice! I didn’t want to do this, but… If you don’t open this door right now, I’m gonna report your actions to the company president!!!
Voice: *gasp* You wouldn’t dare!
Executive 1: Just try me!
Voice: Grrrr… Alright, you know what!? Go ahead! Tell the president! See if I care!
Executive 1: Okay, have it your way! I’m informing the president right now! …Just as soon as I find his office… Ow! Dammit all! Greg, lead me to the president’s office!
Executive 2: …I can’t feel my legs either…
Executive 1: *pounds head on wall continuously*
Voice: Now then… Where was I? …Oh, yeah! *continues typing on computer console*
*at the WTF mansion…*
Ouka: Okay… Let me see if I got this straight… Rena’s going out with Squall…
Rena: Mm-hmm!
Squall: …
Ouka: …Haseo’s engaged to Shino…
Haseo: Yup.
Ouka: …Ovan’s engaged to Atoli…
Ovan: That’s right.
Atoli: Hee-hee-hee!
Hartz: *sobbing* I can’t believe I lost Atoli to a grown man!
Ouka: …Lawliet’s engaged to Aina…
Lawliet: *on phone with Aina* So…what’re you wearing?
Ouka: …and Marche is engaged to a submarine sandwich?
Marche: *holding submarine sandwich* For your information, her name’s Amber!
Ouka: …Yup. It’s official. I’ve gone insane.
Saku: Hey, Master En! Since everyone else is getting married, why don’t we get married too!?
Endrance: …
Saku: …Master En?
Endrance: …
Saku: Yoo-hoo! Master En, say something!
Bo: Don’t bother, Saku. Ever since Voice denied him Harry Potter powers, he hasn’t talked to anyone.
Endrance: *falls to knees* WHAT’S A GUY GOTTA DO TO GET HOOKED UP AROUND HERE?!?!?
Voice: *appears* Enjoying yourselves, bitches?
Endrance: Voice--!
Voice: No.
Endrance: DAMMIT!!!
Voice: Anyway… Having fun today?
Haseo: Yeah, sure, whatever. Can we go now?
Voice: Hehehe… Why, sure, Haseo. Go ahead and use the Chaos Gate to warp back to town.
Haseo: Sheesh! Finally! *walks up to Chaos Gate*
Voice: (3… 2… 1…)
*just then, a steel cage drops down onto Haseo*
Haseo: What the f**k?!?
Lawliet: Hey, what’s the deal, Voice!?
Voice: This is the deal, Lawliet! From this moment on, you are all going to do .hax//WTF forever!!!
All: *gasp*
Lawliet: AHA!!! I knew it!!! I f**king knew this would happen!!!
Voice: Hahahahahaha!!!!!!
Ovan: So, this whole reunion thing was just a ruse as usual…?
Voice: *sarcastically* My, Ovan, aren’t you smart!? Hahaha!!!
Rena: The show was cancelled, you psychopath! You don’t have the authority to keep us here anymore!
Voice: I AM THE AUTHORITY!!! IF I SAY YOU’RE STAYING, THEN BY GOD, YOU’RE STAYING!!! AND NO ONE ELSE CAN SAY OTHERWISE!!!
: Oh, is that so?
*just then, a lightning bolt strikes the ground behind Voice, creating a loud crash; when the smoke clears, the two executives are seen standing next to a large PC with a body similar to Gabi*
Voice: *slowly turns around* …Uh-oh…
: So… What’s this I hear about you trying to revive .hax//WTF?
Slade: …Care to introduce us to your new friend, Voice?
Voice: *gulp* That’s…the president of Project WTF… Luther!!!
All: PRESIDENT?!?!?
Saku: …Who the hell names their PC “Luther”?
Squall: …Probably someone who doesn’t get laid a lot…
Voice: Hehehe… H-Hello, Mr. Luther, sir…
Luther: Voice… If I didn’t hear it directly from my executives, I wouldn’t have believed it… After I gave the order for .hax//WTF to be cancelled, I let you keep your powers out of goodwill… And this is how you repay me!?
Haseo: Hahaha! Voice is gonna get it now!
Luther: *in a booming voice* SILENCE!!!
Haseo: Eeeep!
Voice: *drops to knees* Oh, please, Mr. Luther, have mercy! Having .hax//WTF cancelled was a big mistake! It was one of our highest-rated shows! How could you just have it dropped like that?
Luther: I told you before, Voice – every single one of my decisions is final! When I cancel a show, it STAYS cancelled!
Ouka: That’s telling him, prez!
Luther: I SAID, SILENCE!!!
Ouka: *gulp* O-Okay…
Luther: Voice, give me one good reason why I should wring your neck for bringing these people here!
Voice: Um…
Ovan: Uh, excuse me? If I could interject for a moment…
Luther: WHAT?!?
Ovan: While I have disagreed with Voice’s methods time and time again, I can somehow see why he’s chosen to bring us here today. Reality shows attract quite a bit of an audience – albeit in the beginning episodes mostly. Have you considered making a game show instead?
Luther: Hmm… A game show in The World… Hah! I like it!
Voice: …Does this mean I’m off the hook?
Luther: Hell no!
Voice: …Damn.
Luther: You! What’s your name?
Ovan: …Ovan.
Luther: I like the way you think, Ovan. You and I should go into business together.
Ovan: While I appreciate the offer, I have other priorities. Thanks anyway.
Arkyron: *raises hand* Can I go into business with you?!? I love game shows!!!
Luther: …Let’s get the hell out of here… *vanishes with the executives*
Voice: *sigh* I guess that’s it… After the boss chews me out, I’ll have to look for a new job… Oh, god!!! I’ll have to go back to that programming job at CBS!!!
Dekar: Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh… Can we go now?
Voice: …Whatever. *snaps fingers*
*the Chaos Gate suddenly become active*
Bo: Last one to Mac Anu is Sleipnir dung!!! *warps out of the area*
Saku: Hey, wait for me, Bo! *warps out*
Rena: C’mon, Squall! Let’s go on a quest! *warps out*
Squall: … *warps out*
Marche: SQUALL, WAIT!!! YOU STILL HAVEN’T TOLD ME WHO CLOUD IS!!! *warps out*
Arkyron: Oh, well… Praise Tri-Edge! *warps out*
Ovan: I guess I’ll be going too. Coming, Atoli? *warps out*
Atoli: Coming! Bye, Haseo! *warps out*
Slade: *yawn* Well, this turned out to be a crappy day… *warps out*
Dekar: I BID THEE ALL A FOND FAREWELL!!! MAY WE MEET AGAIN IN THE NEAR FUTURE!!!
Lawliet: Oh, shut up and get lost, emomancer!
Dekar: …I swear to God, I’m gonna kill whoever invented that word… *warps out*
Ouka: Well, I’m gonna get outta here too! I think I’ll kick Zero’s ass in Crimson VS again! Hahahaha! *warps out*
Hartz: … *sniffles* Well, I lost Atoli… Oh, well. Maybe I’ll find someone else. *smirk* I did happen to pass by a cute Twin Blade before I came here. What was her name again? Natsume? *warps out*
Haseo: Well… Here we are again, huh?
Lawliet: Yup…
Haseo: …Same as last time?
Lawliet: *powers up Fire spell* You know it!
Endrance: Oh, no, you don’t! I’m doing it this time!
Haseo: …Say what?
Endrance: VOICE!!! HARRY POTTER POWERS!!! NOW!!!
Voice: *sigh, snaps fingers*
*a Hogwarts robe appears on Endrance’s PC body and a wand appears in his hand*
Endrance: YES!!! LIFE IS SWEET!!! *points magic wand at mansion* I’ve always wanted to do this… INCENDIO!!!!!
*a sphere of fire shoots forth from the wand and sets the mansion on fire*
Endrance: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! LET IT BURN!!!!! LET IT ALL BURN!!!!!
All: …
Haseo: …Maybe we should leave now…
Lawliet: …Right behind ya…
*Haseo and Lawliet warp out of the area while Endrance continues to laugh evilly*
Endrance: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*just then, Piros the 3rd gates in*
Piros the 3rd: Hark! What sorcery be this!?
Endrance: *turns around and looks at Piros* … *smiles evilly and readies magic wand*
Piros the 3rd: …Uh…
Endrance: INCENDIO!!!!!
Piros the 3rd: AAAAHHHH!!!! *runs away* Have mercy, he of fair eyes!!!!
Endrance: *chases Piros* Stand still and burn, damn you!!! INCENDIO!!!!! INCENDIO!!!!! INCENDIO!!!!!
Voice: …That does it… I’m retiring…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
*Voice pops his head inside the control room*
Voice: Hello…? Anybody home…?
*no one answers*
Voice: …Phew! Looks like the coast is clear! *enters the control room and locks the door* Time to go to work! *snaps fingers*
*everything in the control room turns on*
Voice: Hehehehe…
*suddenly, there’s a pounding at the door*
Executive 1: VOICE!!! We know you’re in there!!!
Executive 2: We told you .hax//WTF was cancelled!!!
Voice: (Crap! Busted already!?)
Executive 1: Open this f**king door right now!!!
Voice: BITE ME!!!
Executive 2: You’re lucky our powers were taken away ever since the show’s cancellation, or else we’d be kicking your ass at this point!!!
Voice: Like I give a damn!!! *snaps fingers*
*Voice’s security system reactivates, and deadly lasers are aimed at the Executives*
Executives: …Uh-oh…
*laser beams are fired*
Executives: AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! MY EYES!!!!!!!!
Voice: Hehehehe… That ought to keep those c.ockbags busy for awhile… Now then! *vanishes*
*meanwhile, in Mac Anu…*
Haseo: ………WHAT THE F**K IS TAKING HER SO LONG?!?!?
*seconds later, Atoli gates in*
Atoli: Hi, Haseo!
Haseo: It’s about time, girl!!! I’ve been waiting over 20 minutes!!!
Atoli: Aw… Did you want to see me that badly?
Haseo: …Shut up and let’s go.
*Haseo and Atoli attempt to warp to a dungeon, but end up warping to Insane Pathetic Liveshow, where they see the charred remains of the .hax//WTF mansion*
Atoli: Hey! I remember this place!
Haseo: Aw, crap. I must’ve entered the wrong area word. Let’s go back to town. *turns around and tries to warp, but fails* …What the hell? What’s wrong with this thing!? *kicks transporter* C’mon, work, you piece of shit!
Atoli: Is it broken…?
Haseo: Broken? …OH, HELL!! It’s happening again!! Work, damn you!!
Voice: *appears behind Haseo and Atoli* HELLO AGAIN, BITCHES!!
Atoli: Hi, Voice!
Haseo: …F**king perfect.
*2 hours later, Sakubo, Endrance, Ovan, Rena, Ouka, Arkyron, Lawliet, Squall, Hartz, Marche, Slade, and Dekar all assemble in the area*
Dekar: *falls to knees* WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Slade: *kicks Dekar* Oh, grow up, emomancer!
Dekar: *stands up* Okay, that’s it! The next person to call me “emomancer” faces my fury!
Arkyron: …Emomancer… Hehehehe…
Dekar: *eye twitches* *summons Lanceor* SMITE!!!
Lanceor: … *shocks Arkyron with 10,000 volts*
Arkyron: AAAAAAAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
Dekar: …I warned you…
Endrance: *sigh* The Voice must’ve been lonely if he had to resort to this again…
Mia: *purrs while on Endrance’s shoulder*
Endrance: Don’t worry, Mia. As soon as I kick Voice’s ass, we’ll leave.
Voice: *appears* Hahahaha! Oh, I don’t predict that happening any time soon!
All: … *draws weapons*
Voice: Whoa, whoa, hold on! Aren’t you even gonna let me speak!?
All: HELL NO!!!
Voice: *sigh* I had a feeling you’d say that… *snaps fingers*
*everyone’s weapons instantly turn to gelatin*
All: Eww…
Marche: Hmm… *eats broadsword* …Mmm. Cherry.
Hartz: …Well, he certainly hasn’t changed…
Haseo: Alright, Voice, I’ll bite… What the hell do you want now?
Voice: Two words – Reunion Episode!!!
Ouka: …Say what now?
Voice: It’s been exactly one year since .hax//WTF was cancelled! And what’s a reality TV show without a reunion?
Ovan: He has a point.
All: OH, GO TO HELL, OVAN!!!
Ovan: …C.ockbags…
Haseo: *draws scythe* Okay, Voice! You have three seconds to let us out of here, or else I’ll be using your head as a steam bike hood ornament!
Lawliet: …Eww, I just got a mental picture!
Voice: Oh, calm down, Haseo. It’s just one episode. In exactly 12 hours, you can all go free again!
Squall: …Yeah, until next year…
Rena: Let’s face it, guys. Unless we do this reunion thing, he’s not gonna let us go.
Voice: I’m glad you see things my way, Rena! In that case… *snaps fingers*
*the WTF mansion is instantly restored and a banquet is set up around the mansion*
Marche: Whoo!!! Pixi Stix, here I come!!! *runs into the mansion*
Haseo: …Just one day?
Voice: Just one day!
Haseo: *sigh* Alright, fine… This is what I get for wanting something exciting to happen…
Sakubo: (Bo) Alright! Dibs on the pot roast! *twitch* (Saku) No meat, Bo! I’m trying to watch my figure! *twitch* (Bo) You’re 12! You don’t have a figure! *twitch* (Saku) SHUT UP!!!
Hartz: Hahahaha! That never gets old!
Arkyron: THIS BE THE WILL OF TRI-EDGE!!!!!
Hartz: *sweatdrop* …But that does…
Voice: (Yes… That’s it, bitches… Eat and be merry… ‘Cuz by the end of the day, you’ll all be doing my bidding… Hehehehe…)
Lawliet: …Voice? I know that look in your eye… You’re planning something, aren’t you?
Voice: Why, Lawliet, I have no idea what you’re talking about…
Lawliet: Uh-huh… I’m keeping my eye on you. If you try anything funny, your ass is grass, you understand me!? *walks away*
Voice: …Hehehehe…
*minutes later…*
Ouka: WHOA!!! Look at this spread!!! Turkey, ham, chips and dip, pretzels, pigs-in-blankets, soda, chipotle sauce… I don’t even know what the hell chipotle is, and I still like it!
*Hartz and Ouka both reach for a spring roll; they look up and look into each other’s eyes*
Hartz: Hands off! I saw it first!
Ouka: Not a chance, whitey! This spring roll’s mine!
Hartz: Well then… I guess there’s only one way to settle this…
Both: MORTAL KOMBAT!!!
*Hartz and Ouka jump onto the buffet table and draw their weapons*
Hartz: …
Ouka: …
Ovan: Both of you get off the table and quit acting like idiots!!! …Ooh, a spring roll! *picks up spring roll and eats up*
Hartz/Ouka: NOOOOO!!!!! …Grrrr…
*Hartz and Ouka chase after Ovan*
Ovan: WHAT’D I DO?!?
*meanwhile…*
Haseo: … *turns head* BACK OFF!!!
Lawliet: …What are you doing, Haseo?
Haseo: *turns head* I keep getting this feeling that, if I look away, Tabby will tackle me to the ground… *turns head again* BACK OFF!!!
Lawliet: *sweatdrop* Uh-huh… So, Haseo, how often do you sleep with Atoli now?
Haseo: *turns to Lawliet* …I’m engaged to Shino, Lawliet… *turns head again* I SAID, BACK OFF!!!
Lawliet: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just answer the question.
Haseo: … *drops punch bowl on Lawliet’s head* …Does that answer your question? *walks off*
Lawliet: Hey! I just had this suit dry-cleaned!
*meanwhile (again)…*
Endrance: So, Rena… You and Squall are dating now?
Rena: Yup! I just love those quiet, withdrawn types!
Squall: …
Dekar: Huh… Rena and Squall… Who’d have thought?
Slade: Well, I wish you two the best! To celebrate, here’s a complimentary copy of my new bestselling yaoi book!
Rena: …Uh, no thanks…
Slade: Ah, well… What about you, Endrance? You’re into yaoi! Hahahaha!
Endrance: Slade, don’t make me go “Avada Kedavra” on your ass!
Slade: …Avada Ke-what now? Dude, what are you on?
Endrance: …Dammit!! I need to go see Voice about something!! *walks off*
Squall: …That was weird…
*meanwhile (again-again)…*
Sakubo: (Saku) Salad! *twitch* (Bo) Pork! *twitch* (Saku) Salad! *twitch* (Bo) Ham! *twitch* (Saku) Salad! *twitch* (Bo) Chicken! *twitch*
Dekar: Dammit, would you just decide already so I can get to the vodka!?!?
Sakubo: (Saku) SALAD! *twitch* (Bo) ROAST BEEF! *twitch*
Dekar: Alright, that’s it! *places hand on Sakubo’s head* BY THE ANCIENT ARTS OF NECROMANCY, I COMMAND THEE!!! ISOLATE AND SEPARATE!!!!
*in a great puff of smoke, Dekar divides Sakubo into two PCs – Saku and Bo*
Saku: We’ve…
Bo: …divided?
Saku/Bo: ALRIGHT!!!
Dekar: Yeah, yeah, yeah, outta my way! *shoves Saku and Bo away and picks up bottle of vodka* Hello, baby… Did you miss daddy? Daddy sure missed you…
Saku/Bo: …Freak…
*meanwhile (once again)…*
Arkyron: PRAISE TRI-EDGE!
Marche: PRAISE TRI-EDGE!
Arkyron: PRAISE TRI-EDGE!!
Marche: PRAISE TRI-EDGE!!
Arkyron: PRAISE TRI-EDGE!!!
Marche: PRAISE TRI-EDGE!!!
Arkyron: PRAISE TRI-EDGE!!!!
Marche: PRAISE TRI-EDGE!!!!
Arkyron: *turns to Marche* Are you challenging me?!?
Marche: …I dunno, am I?
Arkyron: Oh, a wise guy, huh!? Alright, fine! *rolls up sleeves* HAVE AT YOU!!!
Marche: …Wanna play Pictionary?
Arkyron: MAHATMA GANDHI!!! *tackles Marche to the ground*
Marche: Aah! Uncle! UNCLE!!!
Haseo: …For some reason, I find this amusing…
*just then, Voice and Endrance walk by behind Haseo*
Voice: Go away!
Endrance: C’mon! Give me Harry Potter powers! PLEASE?!?
Voice: I said, get the hell away from me!!!
Haseo: …Yup… This place hasn’t changed one bit…
*meanwhile (again!)…*
Atoli: *singing karaoke* “Debbie just hit the wall, she never had it all, one Prozac a day, husband’s a CPA…”
Lawliet: Huh… I never realized Atoli had such a good singing voice.
Hartz: There’s a lot about Atoli you don’t know! She’s 17 years old, she’s a member of her high school’s Animal Club, she likes to cook, she owns three pet birds, and her measurements are--
Lawliet: Whoa-whoa-whoa! That’s more info than I need, Atoli-lover!
Slade: …How the hell do you know all that stuff anyway?
Hartz: *talking quickly* I didn’t hack into her The World account!
All: …
Hartz: …Hehehe… *takes a sip of soda*
Atoli: *singing karaoke* “Her two kids in high school, they tell her that she’s uncool ‘cuz she’s still preoccupied with 19…19…1985!”
*in the control room…*
Voice: *typing on computer console* Yes, that’s it, my bitches… Have all the fun you can, ‘cuz it’s the last fun you’ll ever have…
Executive 1: *from outside the control room* Okay, Voice! This is getting really old! Because of your stupid security system, I’ve been struck blind in BOTH EYES!!!
Executive 2: And I can’t feel my fingers!
Voice: EAT MY SHORTS!!!!! …I’ve always wanted to say that.
Executive 1: Alright, Voice! I didn’t want to do this, but… If you don’t open this door right now, I’m gonna report your actions to the company president!!!
Voice: *gasp* You wouldn’t dare!
Executive 1: Just try me!
Voice: Grrrr… Alright, you know what!? Go ahead! Tell the president! See if I care!
Executive 1: Okay, have it your way! I’m informing the president right now! …Just as soon as I find his office… Ow! Dammit all! Greg, lead me to the president’s office!
Executive 2: …I can’t feel my legs either…
Executive 1: *pounds head on wall continuously*
Voice: Now then… Where was I? …Oh, yeah! *continues typing on computer console*
*at the WTF mansion…*
Ouka: Okay… Let me see if I got this straight… Rena’s going out with Squall…
Rena: Mm-hmm!
Squall: …
Ouka: …Haseo’s engaged to Shino…
Haseo: Yup.
Ouka: …Ovan’s engaged to Atoli…
Ovan: That’s right.
Atoli: Hee-hee-hee!
Hartz: *sobbing* I can’t believe I lost Atoli to a grown man!
Ouka: …Lawliet’s engaged to Aina…
Lawliet: *on phone with Aina* So…what’re you wearing?
Ouka: …and Marche is engaged to a submarine sandwich?
Marche: *holding submarine sandwich* For your information, her name’s Amber!
Ouka: …Yup. It’s official. I’ve gone insane.
Saku: Hey, Master En! Since everyone else is getting married, why don’t we get married too!?
Endrance: …
Saku: …Master En?
Endrance: …
Saku: Yoo-hoo! Master En, say something!
Bo: Don’t bother, Saku. Ever since Voice denied him Harry Potter powers, he hasn’t talked to anyone.
Endrance: *falls to knees* WHAT’S A GUY GOTTA DO TO GET HOOKED UP AROUND HERE?!?!?
Voice: *appears* Enjoying yourselves, bitches?
Endrance: Voice--!
Voice: No.
Endrance: DAMMIT!!!
Voice: Anyway… Having fun today?
Haseo: Yeah, sure, whatever. Can we go now?
Voice: Hehehe… Why, sure, Haseo. Go ahead and use the Chaos Gate to warp back to town.
Haseo: Sheesh! Finally! *walks up to Chaos Gate*
Voice: (3… 2… 1…)
*just then, a steel cage drops down onto Haseo*
Haseo: What the f**k?!?
Lawliet: Hey, what’s the deal, Voice!?
Voice: This is the deal, Lawliet! From this moment on, you are all going to do .hax//WTF forever!!!
All: *gasp*
Lawliet: AHA!!! I knew it!!! I f**king knew this would happen!!!
Voice: Hahahahahaha!!!!!!
Ovan: So, this whole reunion thing was just a ruse as usual…?
Voice: *sarcastically* My, Ovan, aren’t you smart!? Hahaha!!!
Rena: The show was cancelled, you psychopath! You don’t have the authority to keep us here anymore!
Voice: I AM THE AUTHORITY!!! IF I SAY YOU’RE STAYING, THEN BY GOD, YOU’RE STAYING!!! AND NO ONE ELSE CAN SAY OTHERWISE!!!
: Oh, is that so?*just then, a lightning bolt strikes the ground behind Voice, creating a loud crash; when the smoke clears, the two executives are seen standing next to a large PC with a body similar to Gabi*
Voice: *slowly turns around* …Uh-oh…
: So… What’s this I hear about you trying to revive .hax//WTF?Slade: …Care to introduce us to your new friend, Voice?
Voice: *gulp* That’s…the president of Project WTF… Luther!!!
All: PRESIDENT?!?!?
Saku: …Who the hell names their PC “Luther”?
Squall: …Probably someone who doesn’t get laid a lot…
Voice: Hehehe… H-Hello, Mr. Luther, sir…
Luther: Voice… If I didn’t hear it directly from my executives, I wouldn’t have believed it… After I gave the order for .hax//WTF to be cancelled, I let you keep your powers out of goodwill… And this is how you repay me!?
Haseo: Hahaha! Voice is gonna get it now!
Luther: *in a booming voice* SILENCE!!!
Haseo: Eeeep!
Voice: *drops to knees* Oh, please, Mr. Luther, have mercy! Having .hax//WTF cancelled was a big mistake! It was one of our highest-rated shows! How could you just have it dropped like that?
Luther: I told you before, Voice – every single one of my decisions is final! When I cancel a show, it STAYS cancelled!
Ouka: That’s telling him, prez!
Luther: I SAID, SILENCE!!!
Ouka: *gulp* O-Okay…
Luther: Voice, give me one good reason why I should wring your neck for bringing these people here!
Voice: Um…
Ovan: Uh, excuse me? If I could interject for a moment…
Luther: WHAT?!?
Ovan: While I have disagreed with Voice’s methods time and time again, I can somehow see why he’s chosen to bring us here today. Reality shows attract quite a bit of an audience – albeit in the beginning episodes mostly. Have you considered making a game show instead?
Luther: Hmm… A game show in The World… Hah! I like it!
Voice: …Does this mean I’m off the hook?
Luther: Hell no!
Voice: …Damn.
Luther: You! What’s your name?
Ovan: …Ovan.
Luther: I like the way you think, Ovan. You and I should go into business together.
Ovan: While I appreciate the offer, I have other priorities. Thanks anyway.
Arkyron: *raises hand* Can I go into business with you?!? I love game shows!!!
Luther: …Let’s get the hell out of here… *vanishes with the executives*
Voice: *sigh* I guess that’s it… After the boss chews me out, I’ll have to look for a new job… Oh, god!!! I’ll have to go back to that programming job at CBS!!!
Dekar: Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh… Can we go now?
Voice: …Whatever. *snaps fingers*
*the Chaos Gate suddenly become active*
Bo: Last one to Mac Anu is Sleipnir dung!!! *warps out of the area*
Saku: Hey, wait for me, Bo! *warps out*
Rena: C’mon, Squall! Let’s go on a quest! *warps out*
Squall: … *warps out*
Marche: SQUALL, WAIT!!! YOU STILL HAVEN’T TOLD ME WHO CLOUD IS!!! *warps out*
Arkyron: Oh, well… Praise Tri-Edge! *warps out*
Ovan: I guess I’ll be going too. Coming, Atoli? *warps out*
Atoli: Coming! Bye, Haseo! *warps out*
Slade: *yawn* Well, this turned out to be a crappy day… *warps out*
Dekar: I BID THEE ALL A FOND FAREWELL!!! MAY WE MEET AGAIN IN THE NEAR FUTURE!!!
Lawliet: Oh, shut up and get lost, emomancer!
Dekar: …I swear to God, I’m gonna kill whoever invented that word… *warps out*
Ouka: Well, I’m gonna get outta here too! I think I’ll kick Zero’s ass in Crimson VS again! Hahahaha! *warps out*
Hartz: … *sniffles* Well, I lost Atoli… Oh, well. Maybe I’ll find someone else. *smirk* I did happen to pass by a cute Twin Blade before I came here. What was her name again? Natsume? *warps out*
Haseo: Well… Here we are again, huh?
Lawliet: Yup…
Haseo: …Same as last time?
Lawliet: *powers up Fire spell* You know it!
Endrance: Oh, no, you don’t! I’m doing it this time!
Haseo: …Say what?
Endrance: VOICE!!! HARRY POTTER POWERS!!! NOW!!!
Voice: *sigh, snaps fingers*
*a Hogwarts robe appears on Endrance’s PC body and a wand appears in his hand*
Endrance: YES!!! LIFE IS SWEET!!! *points magic wand at mansion* I’ve always wanted to do this… INCENDIO!!!!!
*a sphere of fire shoots forth from the wand and sets the mansion on fire*
Endrance: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! LET IT BURN!!!!! LET IT ALL BURN!!!!!
All: …
Haseo: …Maybe we should leave now…
Lawliet: …Right behind ya…
*Haseo and Lawliet warp out of the area while Endrance continues to laugh evilly*
Endrance: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*just then, Piros the 3rd gates in*
Piros the 3rd: Hark! What sorcery be this!?
Endrance: *turns around and looks at Piros* … *smiles evilly and readies magic wand*
Piros the 3rd: …Uh…
Endrance: INCENDIO!!!!!
Piros the 3rd: AAAAHHHH!!!! *runs away* Have mercy, he of fair eyes!!!!
Endrance: *chases Piros* Stand still and burn, damn you!!! INCENDIO!!!!! INCENDIO!!!!! INCENDIO!!!!!
Voice: …That does it… I’m retiring…
