.hax//WTF Season 6

[Hayate]

Voice: *sits down* Oh, man… What a day it’s been…The Poké-War, Lawliet’s date with Aina, Ovan getting the snot beaten out of him… Well, it’s a new day! The housemates are all back at the house! And everything’s right with The World! …Well, almost right… Oh, well! Time for…SEASON 6!!!

Season 6, Episode 1

Ovan: …

Sakubo: (Bo) Dude… That looks nasty…

Ovan: …

Hartz: Is it…alive?

Ovan: …

Destaros: I dare you to poke it…

Zero: Hell no!

Ovan: …

Rena: Aah! I think I just saw it move!

Ovan: OKAY!!! ENOUGH ALREADY!!! QUIT STARING!!!

Ciege: But, Ovan… You’ve got a guitar sticking out of your head…

Ovan: …Just go away…

Endrance: Well, it’s your own fault for being suspicious of Lawliet…

Ovan: Oh, really? If Lawliet was on a date with Sakubo, what would you do?

Endrance: …Okay, first of all – ECCCHHHH!!!! Second – Are you serious?

Ovan: Okay, fine, bad example…

Kirby: Anyway, as funny as staring at the guitar sticking out of Ovan’s head is, where’s breakfast?

Roux Kazuki: Good question… Atoli would’ve been down here by now…

Arkyron: TRI-EDGE REQUIRES SUSTENANCE!!!! *gets hit in the head with a china plate*

Slade: Seriously, Arky… Lay off the coke, got it?

Arkyron: *dizzily* The power of Tri-Edge compels me…

*Haseo and Atoli suddenly walk into the kitchen at the same time*

Atoli: Morning, everyone!!!

Haseo: …Whatever…

Grey Fox: Haseo and Atoli walk in…together? Hehehe… I guess it’s just as well ever since Haseo touched Atoli’s--

*Haseo holds his scythe near Grey Fox’s neck*

Haseo: …Choose your next words wisely, Fox…

Grey Fox: Uh… *gulp* Hehehe…

Atoli: Aww, look! Haseo’s sticking up for me!

Kite: How the hell did you come to that conclusion…!?

Haseo: Really, Atoli, you’ve gotta get over this obsession of yours… Obsessions aren’t healthy, y’know…

Squall: …You mean like you and the Powerpuff Girls Z…?

Haseo: HEY!!! THAT SHOW HAPPENS TO BE VERY EDUCATIONAL!!! IT TEACHES MORALS SUCH AS DEFENDING PEOPLE FOR THE GREATER GOOD!!! …Plus, I like the miniskirts… Hehehe…

Squall: …Uh-huh…

Atoli: Miniskirts, huh? Hmm…

Haseo: Oh, just shut up and make breakfast, girl!!!

Atoli: Okay! *hums as she cooks*

Haseo: *sigh* …Huh? Hey, Ovan, do you know you got a guitar sticking out of your--

Ovan: *angrily* I KNOW!!!!!

Haseo: Eeeep!

Dekar: Speaking of guitars, anyone seen Lawliet?

Marche: I think he’s still on the phone.

Rena: …What’s a phone doing in an online game? Does that even make sense?

Kite: No. Then again, it’s probably the same reason why there’s a TV and a computer in an online game.

Rena: Good point.

Hartz: What do you mean “still”, Marche?

Marche: He’s been on the phone for about five hours now. His room’s right next to mine.

Ciege: *sarcastically* I can’t imagine who he’s on the phone with…

Arkyron: Ooh! Ooh! I know! *gets hit in the head with a frying pan*

Sakubo: (Saku) I dunno. Maybe it’s a good thing Lawliet’s concentrating on only one girl.

Zero: Yeah! Before, whenever I talk to a girl, all I hear is “Do you know Lawliet?” or “Lawliet’s so dreamy”! IT DRIVES ME NUTS!!!

Roux Kazuki: *pops a stick of pocky in his mouth* Oh, spare us your sob story, Zero…

Zero: Hey, pocky-boy, you wanna step outside!?

Ovan: …

Haseo: Well, Ovan?

Ovan: …Well, what?

Haseo: You okay with Lawliet dating Aina?

Ovan: Of course not. But it’s not my right to say who my sister can and can’t date.

Haseo: …Uh-huh… And what are you really thinking?

Ovan: That I’d send Lawliet on a one-way trip to the moon if he does anything to Aina he might regret…

Haseo: *sweatdrop* …I’m surprised you can say that with a straight face…

*meanwhile, in Lawliet’s room…*

Lawliet: *talking into a phone* …Uh-huh…I know… Okay! Talk to ya later, babe! *hangs up* *sigh* Aina… Truly a vision of loveliness…

*Lawliet turns on his TV and sees an old movie in which a man serenades a woman on her balcony with his guitar*

Lawliet: …Hey… That gives me an idea! …No, wait, lost it… Oh, wait, got it back!

*later that day, in the living room…*

Haseo: …

Music on TV: “Oshiete agema shou wara wanai de kiite ne…”**

(**lyrics to “Fragments of Hope” by Nana Kitade; Powerpuff Girls Z theme song)

Haseo: Hehehe…

*Sakubo sticks her head up from behind the couch, sneaking up on Haseo*

Sakubo: (Saku) …WHATCHA WATCHIN’, HASEO?!?!?

Haseo: AAAHHH!!!! …Saku, don’t do that!!!!

Sakubo: (Saku) But, it’s fun!

*Haseo suddenly kicks Sakubo into the kitchen like a football*

Sakubo: (Bo) Ow!!! My head!!!

Marche: *from the kitchen* TOUCHDOWN!!!!

Haseo: …Bratty little son of a…

Lawliet: *running down the stairs* Hey, Haseo!

Haseo: Oh, what now?!?

Lawliet: I was wondering if you’d like to-- Huh? *looking at the TV* …What are you watching?

Haseo: JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT!!!

Lawliet: Oh, right! Okay, so here’s the thing…

*minutes later…*

Haseo: …CONCERT?!?!? Are you nuts?!?

Lawliet: What? It’d be awesome! What’s the big deal?

Haseo: One – I hate your guts! Two – It’s a stupid idea! And three – I’m not a Melodist!

Lawliet: But think about it, Haseo! You’d be famous! You’d be a chick-magnet!

Haseo: Pffff! Not interested! *walks away*

Lawliet: *in a teasing tone* You’d impress Shino…

Haseo: *stops walking* …

Lawliet: Ah… I see I have your attention…

Haseo: …Well, there’s still the problem of me not being a Melodist…

Lawliet: We can fix that! But you’d have to be willing to make a deal with the devil…

Haseo: By “devil”, you mean the Voice, don’t you?

Lawliet: Naturally!

*later…*

Lawliet: …So, you got all that?

Voice: Sure, sure! Anything to please the fans!

Haseo: (…This seems too easy…)

Voice: What’s the matter, Haseo? Don’t trust me?

Haseo: Actually, that’s exactly it.

Voice: Hehehe…

Haseo: (…I have a bad feeling about this…)

*later that day, Lawliet hangs a flyer on everyone’s bedroom doors*

The Twilight Brigade
New & uprising rock band
Current free positions: drummer, keyboardist
Now holding auditions in the basement
First come, first serve!

Lawliet: There! What do you think?

Haseo: …I think I’m gonna regret this later on…

Lawliet: Oh, would you quit being so emo!? It’ll all work out!

Haseo: …Uh-huh…

*later, in the basement…*

Lawliet: Okay… Whenever you’re ready.

Kite: A one! A two! A one-two-three-four! *plays drums badly* …So, what do you think?

Haseo: …I think my ear drums just exploded…

Lawliet: *through a megaphone* NEXT!!!!

Haseo: AAAAHHHH!!!! …Okay, now they exploded…

*10 minutes later…*

Haseo: Ten auditions and not a single good drummer…

Lawliet: Hmm… We may have to call on the Voice again…

Haseo: Again!? Oh, come on! I’m a Melodist now! Haven’t I suffered enough?!?

Lawliet: Not nearly…

*the next day…*

Lawliet: Okay, let’s see… We’ve got Haseo on bass guitar and backup vocals…

Haseo: …Delightful…

Lawliet: …Ovan on drums…

Ovan: …How’d I get tricked into doing this?

Haseo: Lawliet got you drunk.

Ovan: Oh… That would explain that rather obscene tattoo on my left butt cheek.

Lawliet: …and Zero on synthesizer.

Zero: Just call me “Crazy Fingers Zero”!

Lawliet: …Not on your life… Okay! I think we’re ready!

Haseo: Ready!?!? Are you crazy?!? We haven’t even rehearsed yet!!!

Lawliet: Relax, Haseo! The Voice has got our back, remember?

Haseo: …Somehow, that doesn’t make me feel better…

Ovan: …Indeed…

*that night, hundreds of PCs gather at Hy Brasail*

Hartz: Why did you take us here, Voice?

Voice: I just thought you’d like to see the little spectacle that’s soon to come…

Atoli: *crying* Where’s Haseo?!? I haven’t seen him in hours!!!

Voice: Oh, don’t worry… You’ll see him soon enough… Hehehe…

*meanwhile, backstage…*

Lawliet: *whistles* Full house tonight! You guys ready?

Haseo: …Is it too late to back out of this?

Lawliet: Yup!

Haseo: …F**king perfect…

Zero: Alright! Let’s rock this isle!!

Ovan: Uh, Lawliet…? I have a question about this song we’re doing…

Lawliet: Yeah? What is it?

Ovan: …WHY?!?!?

Lawliet: Oh, just play along, Ovan!

Ovan: Note to self: Kill Lawliet at the after-party…

*Gabi walks on stage*

Gabi: Good evening, ladies & gentleman!!! I’m Gabi!!!

*crowd cheers as Gabi prepares to introduce the band*

Gabi: …

*cheering dies down as Gabi just stands there*

Gabi: …

*everything goes deathly silent*

Gabi: …

*Voice walks on stage and kicks Gabi into the crowd*

Gabi: STAGE DIVE!!!!!

*the crowd stands away as Gabi crashes in the dirt*

Gabi: *muffled* I’M GABI!!!

Voice: *ahem* Hello, Mac Anu!!! Are you ready to rock?!?

*crowd cheers loudly*

Voice: Then give it up for the one! The only! The Twilight Brigade!!!

*the curtains open to reveal Lawliet, Haseo, Ovan, and Zero*

Atoli: *gasp* HASEO!!!!!

Rena: What the f**k?!?

Roux Kazuki: …Took the words right out of my mouth…

Endrance: Well… This oughta make for a good laugh…

Kirby: Good thing I brought the camcorder!!!

Arkyron: YEAH!!!! ROCK ON!!!! *gets hit in the head with a brick*

Grey Fox: Would you shut up already!?

*on stage…*

Ovan: *clicking drumsticks together* A one! A two! A one-two-three-four!

*The Twilight Brigade begins with a cool rock intro leading into a harsh rock ballad*

(Blue Blast ~ Winning the Rainbow
lamda.bluelaguna.net/bm2/11_-_Blue_Blast_-_Winning_the_Rainbow.mp3)

*crowd cheers loudly*

Slade: Wow… They’re not half bad.

Dekar: Wait a minute… Haseo’s not a Melodist… ‘TIS SORCERY!!!! *gets hit in the head with a brick*

Grey Fox: Come on, people!!! I’m running out of bricks!!!

*after three other songs, Lawliet cues the rest of the band in for the concert closer*

Lawliet: This last song…goes out to a very special girl… Her name’s Aina.

Ovan: …Oh, here we go…

Lawliet: Ovan doesn’t know that Aina and me do it in my van every Sunday
She tells him she’s in church but she doesn’t go, still she’s on her knees, and…

Ovan doesn’t know, oh, Ovan doesn’t know-oh, so don’t tell Ovan!
Ovan doesn’t know, Ovan doesn’t know (SO DON’T TELL OVAN!)

Aina says she’s out shopping, but she’s under me and I’m not stopping

‘Cuz Ovan doesn’t know, Ovan doesn’t know
Ovan doesn’t know, Ovan doesn’t know
So don’t tell Ovan, Ovan doesn’t knoooooow… (SO DON’T TELL OVAN!)

I can’t believe he’s so trusting while I’m right behind her thrusting
Aina’s got him on the phone and she’s trying not to moan
It’s a three-way call and he knows nothing, NOTHING!

Ovan doesn’t know, Ovan doesn’t know
Ovan doesn’t know, don’t tell Ovan
‘Cuz Ovan doesn’t know, Ovan doesn’t knoooooow… SO DON’T TELL OVAN!
We’ll put on a show, everyone will go
Ovan doesn’t know, Ovan doesn’t know
Ovan doesn’t knoooooow…

The parking lot, why not? It’s so cool when she’s on top
His front lawn, in the snow, laughing so hard, ‘cuz
Ovan doesn’t know, Ovan doesn’t know

I did her on his birthday…

Ovan doesn’t know, Ovan doesn’t know
Ovan doesn’t know, Ovan doesn’t know
Don’t tell Ovan, Ovan doesn’t knoooooow…
Ovan will know, Ovan has to know
Ovan’s gotta know, gonna tell Ovan, gonna tell him myself
Ovan has to know, Ovan has to know
Ovan has to, Ovan has to, Ovan has to go!

Ovan doesn’t know (Don’t tell Ovan!)
Ovan doesn’t know (Don’t tell Ovan!)
Ovan doesn’t know… Ovan’s gotta go!

(Parody of “Scotty Doesn’t Know” from the movie Euro Trip
youtube.com/watch?v=0Vyj1C8ogtE)

Crowd: *chanting* OVAN DOESN’T KNOW! OVAN DOESN’T KNOW!

Ovan: *eye twitches* Thank God it’s almost over…

Voice: You got that right… And ACTION! *snaps fingers*

*as the band prepares to perform their encore, everyone in the band except for Lawliet begins to play badly*

Crowd: *cheering but suddenly stop* Huh?

Ciege: What the hell? They suddenly suck! What happened!?

Sakubo: *pointing at Voice* (Saku) You have to ask…?

Voice: *laughing evilly* I love it when a plan comes together! *vanishes*

Crowd: *booing and jeering* *throwing tomatoes*

Lawliet: What the hell just happened, guys?!? You suck all of a sudden!!!

Haseo: You made a deal with the Voice, the embodiment of all that is evil!!! This is a surprise to you?!?

Lawliet: GAH!!!! I can’t believe I ever thought of making a band with you guys!!! What was I thinking!?!?

Haseo/Ovan/Zero: …

Lawliet: …Why are you guys looking at me like that?

*Haseo, Ovan, and Zero suddenly pick up Lawliet’s body…*

Haseo/Ovan/Zero: STAGE DIVE!!!!!

*…throw him off the stage; the crowd stands away as Lawliet crashes in the dirt next to Gabi*

Gabi: *muffled* I’M GABI!!!

Lawliet: *muffled* …I hate my life…

[Hayate]

Season 6, Episode 2

*executives appear in the control room*

Executive 1: Voice!

Executive 2: There’s something we wish to talk about! …Hmm?

*execs notice Voice sleeping on the control panel*

Voice: *snoring*

Executives: *eye twitch* *ahem* VOICE!!!

Voice: *jerks awake* AAAAHHH!!!! START THE REACTOR!!!! *crashes on the floor*

Executive 1: Oh, good, you’re awake.

Voice: Well, I am now! …C.ockbags…

Executive 2: We’ve noticed that the house is getting to be bit crowded, so…

Voice: …Kill off the “inessentials”?

Executives: You got it!

Voice: *yawn* Okay, okay… Hmph! *turns to the monitors* This calls for another edition of… Scenes of Randomness!! ACTION!!!

Scene 1

*Haseo lies down on the couch, resting*

Haseo: *sigh* That’s the last time I let Lawliet talk me into anything…

*Atoli approaches him*

Atoli: HI, HASEO!!!

Haseo: …Great… There goes my afternoon of goofing off…

Atoli: How do I look?

*Haseo turns to see Atoli dressed like Bubbles from Powerpuff Girls Z*

Haseo: *eye twitch* (…Oh, how I rue the day I ever got addicted to that TV show…)

Atoli: So…! Wanna do something!?

Haseo: …No…

Atoli: Aw, come on!

Haseo: …Go away…

Atoli: COME OOOOOOOON!!!!

Haseo: Ugh… *light-bulb* Hmm… Okay, Atoli, let’s play hide-and-seek.

Atoli: YAY!!! *zooms out of the room*

Haseo: …That’s better…

*suddenly, Voice speaks into Haseo’s head*

Voice: Oh, Haaaaaseeeeeooooo…

Haseo: …Goddammit… What now!?

Voice: Guess what I just heard from Kite?

Haseo: …Don’t care…

Voice: He said that he’s a better main character than you!

Haseo: …Uh-huh…

Voice: And that Infection was better than G.U.!

Haseo: …And…?

Voice: And…and…uh…YOU DREAM OF ATOLI IN YOUR SLEEP!

Haseo: WHAT?!?!? *hops up* I’ll throttle that sonuvabitch!!

Voice: (There we go!)

*in the kitchen…*

Zero: …Can we stop now?

Arkyron: NO!!! Now draw a card!!!

Zero: *groan* *draws a card*

Arkyron: HAH!!! Now my trap card activates! You lose!

Zero: Great… *throws cards in Arkyron’s face* Later, nerd…

Arkyron: Wait! Come back! I GET BORED EASILY!!!

Zero: Apparently… Hmm? …Uh-oh…

* Zero steps away from the kitchen door; Haseo runs in with swinging blades*

Arkyron: Hey, Haseo! Wanna play? *gets slashed by Haseo* GAH!!! My breathy tube!!

Haseo: *howls as he runs through to the backyard*

* Zero approaches Arkyron’s gray body*

Zero: …

*he kicks it, but it doesn’t move*

Zero: …WHOO-HOO!!! I’M FREE!!!

*in the backyard…*

Haseo: Where is that little… Aha!

*Kite, tied to a tree, has an apple on his head; Hartz aims an arrow at him*

Kite: …Tell me again how I got here, Hartz…

Hartz: I drugged your beer. Now hold still.

Kite: …Yeah, that’s what I thought… HARTZ, WHEN I GET OFF OF THIS TREE, I’M BREAKING YOUR BOW AND YOUR SPINE IN HALF!!!

Hartz: Pffff! Like that’ll happen!

*seconds before Hartz’ arrow is fired, a broadsword is thrust through the rear of the tree, piercing Kite’s body*

Kite: OH, DEAR GOD!!!!

Hartz: What!? I haven’t done anything yet!! … *notices the broadsword* …Oh.

Haseo: That’ll teach ya, you sonuvabitch! *walks away*

Hartz: …Note to self: Stay away from Haseo…

Haseo: *in the kitchen* WHAT’RE YOU LOOKIN’ AT?!?!?

Hartz: …FAR away…

Scene 2

Dekar: *meditating* Om… Om…

*Slade stands outside of Dekar’s room, watching him*

Slade: *sigh* This is boring… I thought he’d have leveled half the house by now… Hmm… *light-bulb* …Hehehehe…

*Endrance and Ciege walk by*

Endrance: …And that’s when I noticed that my pants were down! Hahahaha! Funny story, huh?

Ciege: …Why do I hang out with you…?

Slade: Hey, Endrance! Ciege! Come here a minute!

Endrance: Huh?

Ciege: What’s up?

*Slade whispers his prank to Endrance and Ciege*

Ciege: …Ooh…

Endrance: …Choice…

Slade: So, you in?

Ciege/Endrance: We’re in!

Dekar: *meditating* Om… Om…

All: NOW!!!

Dekar: Huh!? What the hell was--!?

*all of a sudden, a hood is pulled over Dekar’s eyes*

Dekar: GAH!!! WHAT THE HELL’S GOING ON?!?

*Slade and Endrance hold the hood on top of Dekar*

Slade: Okay! Open it!

*Ciege opens Dekar’s closet door, revealing the necropolis*

Ciege: Ready!!

*Slade and Endrance shove Dekar into the necropolis; Ciege closes the door and locks it*

Slade: YES!!!

Endrance: Oh, man, that was so sweet!

Ciege: Yeah! …But what do we do when he gets out?

Slade: Oh, please! The door’s locked! He’s never comin’ out of there!

Endrance: And even if he does, there’s no way he’d know it was us who put him in there!

Ciege: Good point.

*suddenly, the door to the necropolis starts to vibrate*

Slade: Uh…

Endrance: …Uh-oh…

Ciege: L-Let’s get out of here…

Slade: *gulp* G-Good idea…

*then, the door bursts open and black tentacles stretch out of the light*

Endrance: RUN!!!!

*Slade and Endrance escape, but Ciege’s leg is caught by the tentacles and he is dragged towards the light*

Ciege: AAAAAAHHHHH!!!! NO!!!! SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!

*however, he is completely engulfed by white light and the door slams shut*

Ciege: …Oh… Huh?

*Ciege wakes up to find himself in a world of darkness; a thick fog covered his ankles*

Ciege: Wha… What is this place?

: This…is the necropolis…

Ciege: *gulp* D-Dekar? Is that…you?

*Dekar steps forth from the darkness with his hands behind him*

Dekar: …Hello, Ciege. I welcome you.

Ciege: Uh… Hehehe… If this is about that prank…

Dekar: …You shouldn’t have angered me, Ciege… Now…you must be punished…

Ciege: *gulp* It was all Slade’s idea!!! I swear!!!

Dekar: Oh, don’t worry… Slade will get his… But for now… I think I’ll concentrate on you…

Ciege: Uh… W-What are you gonna do to me?

Dekar: Hehehehe… *disappears*

Ciege: …I don’t like where this is going…

*suddenly, Ciege’s feet are forced together and his hands are pulled at his sides; a cross appears behind Ciege; his hands and feet are then bound to the cross with ropes*

Ciege: …Uh-oh… I REALLY don’t like where this is going…

*water appears underneath the cross Ciege is bound to, and a blood-red moon glows in the sky*

Ciege: …Hey… I think I’m reliving this one show I saw…

Dekar’s Voice: That’s no coincidence, Ciege…

*three Dekars appear in front of Ciege, holding scythes*

Dekar 1: …I created this world by delving into your memories…

Dekar 2: …and if you’ve seen this before…

Dekar 3: …then you should know what happens next…

Ciege: …Oh, god…

*outside, Slade and Endrance hear Ciege scream over and over*

Slade: … *looks at Endrance*

Endrance: … *looks at Slade*

Slade: …We never speak of this again…

Endrance: …Agreed…

Scene 3

Grey Fox: Hehehe…

*Squall, Rena, and Roux Kazuki walk by*

Rena: Hey, Fox!

Roux Kazuki: What’s going on?

Grey Fox: I told Kirby that clouds taste like cotton candy, and now he’s trying to suck one in! Hahahaha! What an idiot!

Squall: *looking at Fox* …I couldn’t agree more…

*Kirby tries to suck in the clouds, but stops when he runs out of breath*

Kirby: *panting* ME…WANT…CLOUDY…CANDY…GOODNESS!!!! *continues to breathe in*

Rena: Uh, Kirby… Clouds don’t--

*suddenly, Grey Fox covers Rena’s mouth with his hand*

Grey Fox: SHHHH!!!

Rena: … *bites Fox’s hand*

Grey Fox: OW!!! …What was that for!?

Rena: …Nothing…

Roux Kazuki: Well, you gotta admit… It is funny watching Kirby make a fool of himself…

Kirby: *stops breathing in* MAN!!! Those…clouds…just aren’t…moving… I need to get closer to them…

Grey Fox: *picks up Kirby’s body* Here, let me help! *throws Kirby’s body up*

Kirby: Okay… Now! *starts breathing in*

Grey Fox: HAHAHAHAHA!!!! This is too good!!!

Squall: …Uh, guys…?

Grey Fox: What, Squall!? You’re ruining my fun!

Squall: …Something’s happening to Kirby…

*the housemates below notice Kirby’s body starting to shrink*

Rena: What the hell?

Roux Kazuki: … *chews on a stick of pocky*

Grey Fox: Soooooooo… What’s going on?

Squall: It’s the neutron star effect. When something absorbs – or in Kirby’s case, sucks in – too much that’s around it, it develops a gravitational pull. And when too much gets caught in that gravitational pull, the entity giving off that pull collapses into itself and implodes. When that happens…

*Kirby’s body completely shrinks, creating a spatial vacuum*

Squall: …a black hole is born.

Grey Fox: …

Rena: …

Roux Kazuki: *chewing on pocky* …Bummer.

*the black hole begins to suck up everything*

Rena: *begins to lift off the ground* Ohhh… Someone catch me!

*Squall grabs Rena’s wrist and pulls her down*

Rena: *sigh* Thanks.

Grey Fox: *lifts off the ground* Oh, crap… Help!

*Fox grabs Roux’s hand*

Roux Kazuki: H-Hey! Let go of me!!

*Roux Kazuki lifts off the ground with Fox and they both get sucked into the black hole*

Rena: Fox!! Roux!!

Squall: …Get behind me…

*Rena gets behind Squall*

Rena: How do we stop that black hole!?

Squall: …Destroy it…

*Squall grasps his left wrist with his right hand*

Squall: …

Rena: What are you…?

*a blue sphere of energy appears in Squall’s left hand*

Rena: W-What the hell is…?

*Squall stands up and begins to lift off the ground*

Rena: Squall!!!

*seconds before Squall is sucked in by the black hole, he hurls the energy sphere into the black hole, destroying it from the inside out*

Rena: …Wow… Huh?

*Squall lands on the ground and extends a hand to Rena*

Squall: …You okay?

Rena: *blushing* Y-Yeah…

*Squall and Rena look up at the sky*

Rena: So… What happened to Kirby, Roux, and Fox?

Squall: …They’re gone…

Rena: Oh… FINALLY!!! I HATED THOSE GUYS!!!

Squall: …Yeah… Me too… Let’s eat…

Scene 4

*later that day, everyone gathers in the living room*

Destaros: …Does this place seem less crowded to you guys?

Ovan: Now that you mention it… It does…

Haseo: …I killed Kite…

Zero: …AND Arkyron…

Slade: …Ciege was tortured to death by Dekar…

Lawliet: WHAT?!?

Squall: …Kirby turned into a black hole and sucked up Grey Fox and Roux…

Marche: …In other words…

Sakubo: (Bo) …Another uneventful day…

Destaros: So… What now?

*Voice suddenly speaks into Lawliet’s head*

Voice: Let’s make fun of Haseo’s obsession with the Powerpuff Girls Z…

Lawliet: …Ooh, I know! Let’s make fun of Haseo’s obsession with the Powerpuff Girls Z!

Haseo: OKAY, THAT’S IT!!!!!

*Haseo stands up and turns to everyone, pissed*

Haseo: Why does everyone have to get on my nerves all the time just ‘cuz I like a TV show?!?!? You don’t see me making fun of Slade’s yaoi or Dekar’s emo-ness or Hartz’ “suck-itude” at firing arrows!!!

All: …

Haseo: You guys drive me up the wall day after f**king day!!! It’s a wonder I haven’t already blown my own brains out!!!

*suddenly, the doorbell rings; Haseo answers the door and the real Powerpuff Girls Z are shown*

Blossom: Hi! I was wondering if you know the way to--

Haseo: *not paying attention* NOW’S NOT THE TIME!!!! *slams the door*

Blossom: …

Haseo: *turns back to the others* AND ANOTHER THING--!! …

All: …

Haseo: …Oh, god, no…

*Haseo opens the door and sees the girls flying away*

Haseo: WAIT!!!! *runs after them* COME BACK!!!! TAKE ME WITH YOU!!!!

All: …

Ovan: …So… Who’s up for Chinese?

Sakubo: (Saku) I AM!!!

*meanwhile, in the bathroom, Atoli sticks her head up out of the toilet*

Atoli: *panting* Where’s Haseo!? I’ve been holding my breath for 7 hours!!!

*Marche suddenly walks in and sees Atoli*

Marche: …

Atoli: …

Marche: …Guys!!! I’m having the toilet dream again!!!

Ovan: *from downstairs* The one with Jessica Alba or the one with Tom Cruise? Either way, I’m getting the plunger!

Atoli: …Uh-oh…

[Hayate]

*executives enter the control room*

Executive 1: Greetings, Voice!

Executive 2: So, what’s on the agenda for today?

Voice: Just one sec… I wanna see Haseo’s expression here…

Execs: Hmm?

*execs look at the monitor; Haseo is seen going up to the front door; when he opens it, he sees Arkyron*

Arkyron: RAGGLE-FRAGGLE!

Haseo: …

Arkyron: …

Haseo: … *begins walking away*

Arkyron: H-Hey, where’re you goin’?

Haseo: …To hang myself…

*in the control room…*

Voice: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Priceless!

Execs: …You brought Arkyron back again?

Voice: You betta believe it!

Executive 1: …You have a demented mind, Voice…

Executive 2: …And we like it…

Voice: Hehehe… I try.

BEEP, BEEP!

Voice: Hmm? *turns back to the monitor* …Hello, what’s this? Looks like we got another potential housemate…

Executives: VOICE!

Voice: AAAAHHHH!! What!?

Executive 1: I thought you took down that forum post about “The World’s most powerful weapon”!

Executive 2: We don’t want the house to become as crowded as it was before!

Voice: Relax! I did take down the post! And besides… I think you’re gonna like our newest candidate…

*a white-haired Tribal Grappler gates into the area*

: Hmm… *sigh* This area’s so drab… Hmm? A mansion?

*the Grappler walks up and looks at the mansion up-close*

: Heh. I envy the guy who lives here.

*the Grappler prepares to knock on the door, when suddenly Arkyron flies out a nearby window*

: Eeeep!

Arkyron: …Ow…

Lawliet: *from inside* WE KILL YOU OVER AND OVER AND YOU STILL WON’T GO AWAY!!!!

Slade: *from inside* JUST DIE ALREADY!!!!!

Arkyron: *hops up* Tri-Edge keeps me alive!!! *gets hit in the head with a chair and falls over* … *hops up* See!?

All: *from inside* GO AWAY!!!

: …I have a bad feeling about this…

Season 6, Episode 3

*inside the house…*

Squall: …Is he gone yet…?

Endrance: He’d better be… I threw that chair pretty hard…

*doorbell rings*

Hartz: GRAAAAHHHH!!!! He just won’t stop!!!

Marche: I’ll take care of it! *picks up giant hammer*

Haseo: Hey! That’s my PPGZ memorabilia!

Ovan: …You’ll live…

Marche: *waits next to the door* Come in!

*the Grappler opens the door and walks in*

: Uh… Hello?

Marche: BANZAI!!!!

*Marche slams the hammer on the Grappler’s head*

Marche: …Did I get him?

Dekar: Uh… Not exactly…

Marche: Huh?

*the Grappler holds the hammer up with one hand*

: …

Marche: …You’re not Arkyron…

: …No kidding…

*the Grappler snatches the hammer from Marche and slams it on his head; as a result, Marche’s body becomes buried in the floor with only his head sticking up*

Marche: *dizzily* …Thursday is…gravy day…

: Hmph! …Hmm?

*the Grappler looks around to see everyone staring*

: …What?

*Rena walks down the stairs*

Rena: What the hell’s going on down here, guys? I heard a… *sees the Grappler* …AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

*Rena and the Grappler suddenly embrace each other*

Rena: Ouka!

Ouka: Rena! It’s been so long!

All: …

Zero: …Are you following any of this?

Sakubo: (Bo) …I don’t follow a lot of things…

Rena: Everyone, this is my good friend Ouka.

Ouka: Hi there!

Atoli: Ouka!? You mean Ouka the Divine Fist?!?

Ouka: Uh… Yeah.

Atoli: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!! *runs up to Ouka* Can I have your autograph?!?

Ouka: Uh… S-Sure… *writes in Atoli’s autograph book* …Here you go.

Atoli: WHEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Ouka: … *sweatdrop*

Haseo: You’ll have to excuse Atoli… She was dropped on her head 13 times as a baby…

Ouka: …‘Kay…

*later…*

Ovan: …And this is the upper floor… Voice put in over 50 bedrooms in the event we get more housemates…

Ouka: Uh-huh… And the Voice is…?

Ovan: The producer.

Ouka: Does he live here?

Ovan: No. ‘Cuz if he did, we’d kick his ass on a daily basis…

Ouka: I see… Hmm? *peeks into Lawliet’s room* What’s going on in here?

Ovan: Lawliet’s teaching Marche how to speak in PK…

Lawliet: *in PK* “Which way is the bathroom?” Repeat!

Marche: All your base are belong to me!

Lawliet: WRONG! *hits Marche in the head with a paper fan* AGAIN!

Marche: Uh… Grapefruit!!!

Lawliet: WRONG! *hits Marche in the head with a paper fan* AGAIN!

Marche: I don’t like this game! *cries*

Lawliet: I SAID AGAIN, BITCH!!!

Ouka: …

Ovan: …You’ll learn to avoid him…

Ouka: …I already have…

*later, in the kitchen…*

Haseo: Okay, Ouka. Since you’re stuck here with us, you’ll have to master a few house rules. Rule 1 - Touch my Cocoa Puffs and die!

Ouka: …Uh, Haseo…?

Haseo: Rule 2 - Go anywhere NEAR my Cocoa Puffs and die!

Ouka: Haseo?

Haseo: Rule 3 - Even THINK about my Cocoa Puffs and die!

Ouka: HASEO!!!

Haseo: WHAT!?!? Don’t interrupt me when I’m speaking!!!

Ouka: …Look behind you…

Haseo: Hmm?

*Haseo sees Arkyron behind him sneaking away with a Cocoa Puffs box*

Arkyron: …Uh-oh…

Haseo: … *draws dual pistols* …I’ll give you a 3-second head start…

Arkyron: … *throws the box up and runs away*

Haseo: 3… 2… 1… GET BACK HERE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!!

*Ouka catches the box Arkyron threw*

Ouka: … *eats a handful of Cocoa Puffs* …Mmm…

*later, in the living room…*

Zero: HA! I win again!

Destaros: Dammit! I just can’t win!

Zero: That’s ‘cuz j00 phail!

*Rena and Ouka walk in*

Rena: Hey, what’s going on?

Destaros: Zero just schooled me at Crimson VS! Plus, I wagered my best cards! *sobs*

Ouka: Crimson VS…

Rena: I thought you hated card games, Zero…

Zero: Not all of them. It’s just Duel Monsters. Arkyron makes me play it so much, I’ve grown to despise it…!

Rena: *sweatdrop* I…see…

Zero: Hey, you wanna play, Rena? I could use some fresh meat. Hehehe…

Rena: No thanks… Ever since you won my best cards in that bet last time, I haven’t won at all against anyone…

Zero: Aw, come on… What are ya, chicken? *makes chicken sounds*

Rena: Stop it…

Zero: *still making chicken sounds*

Rena: …I said stop it…

Zero: *still making chicken sounds*

Rena: Grrrr… ALRIGHT, FINE! LET’S PLAY!

*minutes later…*

Zero: Hehehehe…

Rena: *bangs head on wall continuously*

Zero: You’re too easy, Rena…!

Rena: …I… *bang* …hate… *bang* …you… *bang* …so… *bang* …much… *bang* …Zero… *bang*

Zero: So! Who wants to be my next victim!?

Ouka: …I’ll play.

Zero: You? Oh, please! I don’t play against n00bs!

Ouka: *sits down across from Zero* At least let me try…

Zero: …Awww… Okay, whatever.

*Ouka takes out some Crimson VS cards from her inventory*

Ouka: …Try to go easy on me now… *wink*

Zero: Hehe… Even if I do, this’ll be over in five seconds…

*minutes later…*

Zero: …N…No…N-No way… She… S-She beat me…

Rena: YAY, OUKA!!!

Ouka: Heh… That was fun…

Zero: Grrrr… I want a rematch!!

Rena: Oh, don’t be such a sore loser, Zero!!

Ouka: It’s okay. I don’t mind.

Zero: This time, I’m using my best cards!!

Ouka: …Hey.

Zero: Huh? What?

Ouka: Let’s make this a little more interesting… If I win, you have to give back all the cards you won off of Rena and the others…

Zero: Tch! Why should I agree to that!?

Ouka: …‘Cuz if you win… I’ll give you every single card I own…

Zero: *gasp*

Rena: *gasp*

Zero: Hmm… You drive a hard bargain, Miss Divine Fist… Deal!

Rena: Ouka, are you crazy!? Wagering every card you have on just one game?!?

Ouka: Don’t worry. I’ll win.

Zero: Hehehe… (Oh, we’ll see about that…) …Let’s play!

Ouka: Alright!

Zero: (Hehehehe…) Okay! Round 1!

*Zero and Ouka play their first Unit Cards; Zero plays PK Network; Ouka plays Come Back Alive*

PK Network
Type: Snipe
Cost: 2
Junction: All At Once

Come Back Alive
Type: Shield
Cost: 2
Junction: Clenching Teeth

[Come Back Alive] wins Unit Battle 1!

Zero: (Crap!)

Ouka: That’s one win for me!

*soon, more housemates come to watch*

Destaros: Ooh, Crimson VS! I call winner!

Lawliet: Hmph! I still think card games are for nerds!

Ovan: …You don’t have to watch, you know…

Arkyron: USA!!! USA!!! USA!!!

Zero: Tch! It’s not over yet! Round 2!

*Zero and Ouka play their second Unit Cards; Zero plays Passing Through; Ouka plays Broken Full Moon*

Passing Through
Type: Assault
Cost: 4
Junction: Quick Lightning

Broken Full Moon
Type: Snipe
Cost: 4
Junction: Meeting of Souls

[Broken Full Moon] wins Unit Battle 2!

Zero: (Goddammit!!!)

Ouka: Two for me! Ha-ha!

Rena: Alright, Ouka! You’re doing great!

*even more housemates come to watch*

Haseo: Crimson VS? I didn’t know you’d played, Ouka.

Atoli: Looks like fun!

Marche: This is getting good! I’ll get the Pixi Stix!

Zero: Grrrr… (I can’t afford to lose this! Time for drastic measures!) Ah… Ah…

Ouka: Hmm?

*Zero fake-sneezes on Ouka*

Ouka: AAAHHH!!! Zero! That’s disgusting!

*as Ouka wipes her face, Zero substitutes a card in his hand with a card hidden in his shirt sleeve*

Ovan: Hmm…

Zero: (Now, I can’t lose!) Hehe… Sorry about that… Allergies… Anyway, where were we? …Oh, right! Round 3!

*Zero and Ouka play their final Unit Cards; Zero plays Baptism of Smiles; Ouka plays Check This Out!*

Baptism of Smiles
Type: Assault
Cost: 7
Junction: Border of Zero

Check This Out!
Type: Snipe
Cost: 5
Junction: All At Once

[Baptism of Smiles] wins Unit Battle 3!

Ouka: Uh-oh…! It’s that card…!

Zero: Hehehe… (With this card, I’m sure to win!) Time for the final Round!

*Zero and Ouka play their General Cards; Zero plays Shino - Twilight Brigade; Ouka plays Ovan the Wanderer*

Shino - Twilight Brigade
Type: Shield
Charisma: 14
HP: 16
AP: 2
Junction(s): Border of Zero

Ovan the Wanderer
Type: Snipe
Charisma: 12
HP: 12
AP: 4
Junction(s): Clenching Teeth, Meeting of Souls

Turn 1: [Shino - Twilight Brigade] attacks first! [Shino - Twilight Brigade] activates Junction Ability Border of Zero!

Border of Zero
Changes both Generals’ HP to 1.

Shino: 1
Ovan: 1

Ouka: (Oh, man…!)

Zero: You still have time to give up, Ouka!

Ouka: Hmph! Not on your life!

Zero: Heh! Suit yourself!

[Shino - Twilight Brigade] attacks! [Ovan the Wanderer]’s HP falls to zero!

Zero: YES! I win! Ouka’s cards are mine!

Hartz: …Don’t be so sure…

Zero: Huh?

Turn 2: [Ovan the Wanderer] activates Junction Ability Clenching Teeth!

Clenching Teeth
Forcefully restores your General’s HP to 1 when his HP becomes 0. Can only be used once per battle.

Shino: 1
Ovan: 1

Zero: …Oh, crap…

Ouka: …Haha…

[Ovan the Wanderer] attacks! [Shino - Twilight Brigade]’s HP falls to zero!

Zero: LOSER
Ouka: WINNER

Zero: …It’s…not…possible…

Rena: WHOO-HOO!!! Way to go, Ouka!!!

Ouka: And of course, you remember our little wager, don’t you, Zero?

Zero: No!!! Have mercy!!! I’ll do anything!!! Just don’t make me…

*Ouka glares at Zero menacingly*

Zero: *gulp* …Okay, you win…

Ouka: Good boy…!

Slade: Hehe… I’m beginning to like this girl…

Sakubo: (Saku) Yeah! She’s awesome!

*later that evening…*

Voice: Let’s give a hearty congratulations to the newest addition to our forces, Ouka!

*the housemates all applaud, cheer, whistle at Ouka*

Ouka: Hehehe… Thanks, you guys…

Squall: …Hey, wait a minute… How come Rena and I didn’t get applause when we joined…?

Voice: ‘Cuz you’re not special enough…

Squall: …

Rena: …

Squall/Rena: …C.ockbag…

Voice: …Hmm? Hey, where’s Zero?

Endrance: Crying in the corner…

Zero: *in the corner* …My cards… My precious cards… It’s not fair…

Voice: …Ooooooooooooooooookay… Well! I’ll be goin’ now! G’night, bitches! *vanishes*

Ouka: …Does he always do that…?

Dekar: Meh… You get used to it…

*suddenly, Marche - covered in cuts and bruises - dashes in and locks the door behind him*

Marche: HIDE ME!!!

Lawliet: What the hell happened to you!?

Marche: I went to Kestrel to practice my PK-talk…

Lawliet: …Oh, dear God, no…

*just then, there’s a pounding at the door*

PK: *from outside* GIVE US THE BLOND-HAIRED ONE!!!

All: …

*everyone glares at Marche*

Marche: …Why are you guys looking at me like that…?

Dekar: *draws the Scythe of Wotan* WE MUST APPEASE THE PK-ERS WITH A SACRIFICE!!!

Marche: …I don’t like where this is going…

[Hayate]

Voice: Hehehe… Oh, yeah, this is gonna be good…

*executives enter the control room*

Executives: Greetings, Voice!

Voice: Dammit, don’t you two ever knock?!?

Executive 1: …Why?

Executive 2: WE OWN YOU!!!

Voice: …Don’t remind me…

Executive 1: So, what’s on for today?

Voice: Just watch. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised. Hehehe… *vanishes*

Executive 2: …What do you think he meant by that?

Executive 1: Who cares? I call the Sour Patch Kids!

Executive 2: Oh, no, you don’t! I saw ‘em first!

Season 6, Episode 4

*in the house…*

Haseo: *snoring*

: RAGGLE-FRAGGLE!!!

Haseo: AAAAAHHHHH!!!! *falls over* …What the hell!?

*Haseo walks downstairs, drowsy*

Haseo: Okay… Whose ass do I gotta kick now?

Atoli: MORNING, HASEO!!! *runs up to Haseo*

Haseo: RESTRAINING ORDER!!!!

Atoli: Aww…

Ouka: Lemme guess… Arky woke you up too?

Haseo: Arkyron?

Ovan: He watched “V for Vendetta” last night, and now he’s running around in a mask and cape thinking he is V…

Arkyron: *runs in* REMEMBER, REMEMBER THE FIFTH OF NOVEMBER!!!!! *runs out*

Haseo: …If anyone needs me, I’ll be upstairs stuffing suicide pills down my throat…

Voice: *appears* Not so fast, bitch!

Marche: AAAAHHHH!!!! HE’S BACK!!!!

Squall: …What is it this time, Voice…?

Voice: I thought that, for the remainder of this season, we’d mix things up a little… Take a look!

*Voice holds up the “Scrubs” logo with “.hax//” written on it in marker*

All: …

Slade: …I’m outta here…

Dekar: …Right behind ya…

Lawliet: …No f**kin’ way…

Voice: TOO LATE!!!!! *snaps fingers*

*the area is transformed into the set of “Scrubs”; everyone is dressed up in hospital uniforms*

Atoli: COOL!!!

Endrance: …No, Atoli… This is not “cool”… This is lame…

Voice: Aw, just give it a chance!

Zero: …I’m gonna go find a syringe so I can stab my eyes with it…

Voice: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand… ACTION!!! *vanishes*

Hartz: …Now what?

Haseo: …What choice do we have?

Rena: But we don’t know the first thing about being doctors!!!

Destaros: WHY DO I GOTTA BE THE DAMN JANITOR?!?!?

Sakubo: (Bo) *sigh* Well… Might as well make the most of it…

Lawliet: Yeah… Medical marijuana, here I come!! *dashes off*

*later on… Haseo walks down a hallway, whistling*

J.D.’s Voice in Haseo’s Mind: The funniest thing about being a doctor is--

Haseo: *stops walking* Who said that? …Hmm… *continues walking*

J.D.’s Voice: --whenever someone asks for help, you always--

Haseo: *stops walking* WHO’S SAYING THAT?!?!? ……………

J.D.’s Voice: …Boo.

Haseo: AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!

*in an OR (Operating Room), Ouka sees Haseo run by*

Haseo: VOICE IN MY HEEEEEEEAAAAAAD!!!!!

Ouka: …Ooooooooooooooooookay… Alright then, Mr. Sanchez, I’m just gonna make a little incision here…

Marche: For the last time, Ouka, I’m not Mr. Sanchez! I’m Marche! And why do I gotta be operated on?!?

Ouka: Please don’t be difficult, Mr. Sanchez.

Marche: GODDAMMIT, OUKA!!!!

Ouka: Nurses, hold him down!

*Hartz and Squall restrain Marche to his bed*

Hartz: Ouka… Call me “Nurse” again, and I’m gonna make a “little incision” in your throat…

Squall: …I don’t even know why I’m here…

*meanwhile…*

Ovan: Hmm… Could’ve sworn I saw Slade come this way…

*Ovan opens the door to the closet and sees Slade cowering in the corner*

Ovan: …Slade? What’s with you?

Slade: *trembling* Blood… So much blood…

Ovan: Slade, I understand seeing blood is a bit of a shock, but I’m sure it’s nothing too--

Slade: No… Dekar…

Ovan: Dekar? What about him?

Slade: …He cut his wrist so deeply, his hand came off…

Ovan: … *closes the closet door slowly* …I’m not even gonna ask…

*meanwhile (again)…*

Endrance: *walking* …Seriously, why the hell did I have to do this? I mean, I don’t even watch this stupid-- *trips on a slippery floor* --SHOW!!! *falls on the floor*

Destaros: HEY!! Can’t you read!?

Endrance: …Read what?

Destaros: The “Wet Floor” sign!

Endrance: WHAT “WET FLOOR” SIGN?!?!?

Destaros: …Oh… Oops…

Endrance: GRAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! *attacks Destaros*

Destaros: AAAAHHHH!!!! UNCLE!!! UNCLE!!!

Haseo: *running by* VOICE IN MY HEAD!!!! *stops and notices Endrance and Destaros fighting* … *continues running* VOICE IN MY HEAD!!!!

*meanwhile (again!)…*

Zero: Hehehe… So, feeling dizzy yet?

Arkyron: Not on your life!

*Sakubo walks in on Zero and Arkyron*

Sakubo: (Saku) …What are you guys doing?

Zero: We’re seeing which of us can stick the most syringes in our bodies without passing out!

Arkyron: We’re up to 1,394!

Sakubo: (Saku) … *examines a syringe* …Guys, these things are filled with liquid valium!

Arkyron: …What’s your point?

Zero: Yeah. I have over a thousand syringes in me and I feel just-- *passes out*

Arkyron: …WHOO-HOO!!! I WIN!!! *passes out*

Sakubo: (Saku) Hmm… Hehehe…

*Sakubo positions Zero’s and Arkyron’s bodies to make it seem like they’re sleeping together*

Sakubo: (Saku) …This oughta make for good dinner conversation… Hehehe…

*meanwhile (yet again)…*

Lawliet: Hmm…

*Lawliet walks into a storage room…*

Lawliet: *gasp* HOLY TUBERCULOSIS!!!!

*…and finds shelves and shelves of medical marijuana*

Lawliet: THANK YOU, GOD!!! Where do I start? Let’s see… GERONIMO!!!

*suddenly, Atoli and Rena grab Lawliet’s collar and drag him off*

Atoli: Let’s go, doctor!

Lawliet: HEY!!! What’s going on?!?

Rena: You watch this dumb show the most, so you’re most qualified to operate on this patient.

Atoli: Hee-hee-hee!

Lawliet: Operate?!? Wait a minute!!! NO!!! LET ME GO!!! I NEED MY DRUGS!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

*later that day…*

Voice: *appears* Hello, bitches! How’d you my little experiment?

Ovan: Hmm, let’s see… Haseo’s gone crazy from the voice in my head…

Haseo: IT’S THE CURSE OF JOHN DORIAN!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!

Ovan: …Ouka messed up her operation on Marche…

Ouka: I said I was sorry!!!

Marche: “Sorry”?!? I look like Frankenstein ‘cuz of you!!!!

Ovan: …We found out that Hartz and Squall don’t like being called nurses…

Hartz: Anyone who calls me that again gets an arrow up their ass!

Squall: …Okay, I didn’t need to hear that…

Ovan: …Slade’s become deathly afraid of blood…

Slade: I’ll never look at the color red the same way again…

Ovan: …Endrance gave Destaros a black eye…

Destaros: …I hate being the janitor…

Ovan: …Zero and Arkyron overdosed on valium…

Zero/Arkyron: *singing* Nobody knows…how drunk I am…

Ovan: …Lawliet’s suffering from marijuana withdrawal…

Lawliet: *crying* I WAS SO CLOSE!!!! SO CLOSE!!!!

Rena: You killed the patient you were operating on, y’know…

Lawliet: DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A DAMN!?!?

Ovan: …Dekar passed out from massive blood loss…

Dekar: *dizzy* I’m okay… I just need a couple of vodkas laced with holy water…

Ovan: …and that’s pretty much it. WHAT DO YOU THINK?!?!?

Voice: I think my little experiment worked out perfectly! *snaps fingers*

*the hospital turns back into the mansion*

Voice: Okay then! Sleep well, bitches! Let’s pick it up again tomorrow! *vanishes*

All: …

Haseo: …Is the voice gone?

Ovan: Yeah, he’s gone… But he’ll be back tomorrow…

Haseo: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! *runs away*

Ovan: …Wait, what?

[Hayate]

*executives appear outside the control room*

Executive 1: Another day, another humiliation!

Executive 2: Yup! …Hmm?

*they notice a “Keep Out” sign on the control room door*

Executives: ……BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Executive 1: The Voice must be running out of tricks!

Executive 2: I know! This has gotta be the lamest attempt to keep us out ever!

*Executive 1 touches the door and is stopped by an invisible barrier*

Executive 1: Huh…? …What the hell!?

Executive 2: He put up a barrier!!! The nerve of that bitch!!!

Executive 1: *pounding on the barrier* VOICE!!! If you know what’s good for you, you’ll lower this barrier right NOW!!!!!

Executive 2: *sigh* Here… Allow me… *ahem* … *pounds on the barrier* I NEED MY SOUR PATCH KIDS!!!!!

Executive 1: …I don’t think we should hang out anymore…

*inside the control room…*

Voice: Heh! That’ll teach those f**kers to raid my fridge everyday! Now I can concentrate on more pressing matters! Hehehe…

Season 6, Episode 5

*at the house…*

Haseo: *snoring*

*Haseo rolls over in his bed and notices the sunrise glaring through his window*

Haseo: *yawn*

*he rolls over again and sees Atoli sound asleep next to him*

Atoli: *mumbling* …Ha…se…o…

Haseo: …

*the birds in the nearby forest all scatter into the sky from the ensuing “GODDAMMIT, ATOLI!!!”*

*Haseo opens his room door, kicks Atoli out, and slams his door shut*

Haseo: THIRD TIME THIS WEEK!!!! THIRD F**KING TIME!!!! *starts playing My Chemical Romance* …Ahhh…That’s better…

Voice: Hmm… My Chemical Romance… They’re pretty good…

Haseo: Damn straight! …AAAAAHHHHHH!!!! VOICE, HOW’D YOU GET IN HERE?!?!?

Voice: *eerily* Magic powers… OoooOOOoooOOOoooh…

*Haseo opens his room door, kicks the Voice out, and slams his door shut*

Voice: Heh… It never fails…

*later that morning…*

Lawliet: *loud yawn* So… What is this time, you slave-driver?

Endrance: If this is another sitcom parody, I’m getting the suicide pills…

Voice: No, no, no, it’s nothing like that! Today I’ve decided to take things in a different direction…

Ovan: …Just like yesterday…?

Voice: Not quite, for today, you all are gonna be… *snaps fingers*

*mansion turns into the Azumanga Daioh school*

Voice: …school students!

All: HELL NO!!!![/b]

Voice: Okay, okay, okay! …Sheesh… How about… *snaps fingers*

*the school turns into the Naruto ninja school*

Voice: …ninjas!

All: EVEN WORSE!!!!!![/b]

Voice: …Darn, I liked that idea… Okay, how about this? *snaps fingers*

*the ninja school turns into Soul Society*

Voice: …SOUL REAPERS!!!

All: NOT A CHANCE!!!!!!!!!!![/b]

*Ichigo runs by*

Ichigo: Huh? …Where’d you all come from?

All: GO AWAY!!!!!!!![/b]

Ichigo: Eeeep! *runs away*

Voice: Well, you have to choose something!!!

All: …

*the housemates all huddle up*

Voice: … *looks at watch* …Anytime soon would be good…!

Hartz: Okay! We’ve made our decision!

Voice: *impatiently* And…?!?

Marche: POKÉMON!!!!

Zero: Shut up!! We’ve already done that joke!!!

Marche: Awww…

Ouka: We wanna do FLCL!!!

Voice: …FLCL? …You’re serious?

Slade: Why not? It was practically the ONLY good anime series of 2004!

Destaros: It had everything other anime series didn’t have: objects popping out of little kids’ heads, running people over with Vespas, little girls kissing robots, South Park jokes--

Arkyron: --AND HITTING PEOPLE IN THE HEAD WITH GUITARS!!!!!

Destaros: Exactly!!!

Lawliet: Pffff… I do that all the time - you don’t see me making a big deal out of it…

Voice: *sigh* Well… If that’s what you want… *snaps fingers*

*Soul Society turns into Mabase*

Voice: Well, there ya go!

Rena: …What’s with the giant steam iron…?

Squall: …That’s Medical Mechanica…

Rena: Medi-what Mechani-who?

Dekar: …Just shut up and play along, Rena…

Voice: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand… ACTION!!!! *vanishes*

(WARNING: Spoilers ahead for those who have not watched FLCL!)

Scene 1 (Fooly Cooly)

Haseo [Naota Nandaba]: …

Atoli [Mamimi Samejima]: *glomps Haseo* Aw!!! You look so cute in that hat, “Ta-kun”!

Haseo: … (Someone kill me now…)

*later, Haseo walks along a road drinking soda; Atoli walks a short distance behind him*

Atoli: So, what game do you wanna play today, Ta-kun?

Haseo: …How about the “Stop Calling Haseo ‘Ta-kun’ Before I Hit Atoli With A Blunt Object” game?

Atoli: I’ve never heard of that… How do you play?

Haseo: Oh, it’s really fun… Just let me find a large stick…

*suddenly, someone speeds towards Haseo and Atoli on a Vespa*

Ouka [Haruko Haruhara]: BANZAI!!!!!!!!

Atoli: Who is…?

Haseo: OH, IT’S ABOUT F**KING TIME!!!

*Ouka runs Haseo over*

Atoli: ……… *takes a picture of Haseo flying through the air*

*Ouka pulls the Vespa over and removes her helmet*

Ouka: BOY, that felt good!!!

Atoli: Ta-kun! Ta-kun, wake up!

*Ouka walks over*

Ouka: …Is he dead?

Haseo: … (…Unfortunately not…)

Ouka: Hmm… Ooh! I know! Mouth-to-mouth!

Atoli: WHAT?!?

Haseo: !!! (…Oh, no…)

*meanwhile, on top of a high building…*

Lawliet: *singing “Hybrid Rainbow” by The Pillows*

Voice: *appears* Enjoying yourself?

Lawliet: Kinda… But is this all I do here?!? Play music?!?

Voice: Hey! You’re the music man! Besides, have you heard Sakubo’s singing…?

*last season on .hax//WTF, during karaoke…*

Sakubo: (Saku) *singing “Rewrite” by Asian Kung-Fu Generation off-key*

Ovan: OH, GOD!!!!!

Zero: IT BURNS!!!!!!

Sakubo: (Saku) *stops singing* Awww… It couldn’t have been that bad!

Hartz: IT WAS THAT BAD!!!

Marche: …

Dekar: …Marche?

Marche: …

Slade: *waves hand in front of Marche* …Guys, I think Marche’s brain melted…

Rena: Again?!?

Endrance: *sigh* I’ll get the Pixi Stix and the funnel…

Voice: *shudder* I get goose bumps just thinking about it…

Lawliet: *sweatdrop* Okay, okay, I get your point!!

Voice: That’s a good bitch! Make me proud! *vanishes*

Lawliet: …I hate my life…

Scene 2 (Fire Starter)

Ovan [Kamon Nandaba]: Yeah, that’s it! Just a little more! W-Wait! Don’t drop it!

*CRASH!*

Ovan: YOU SON OF A BITCH!! That box was marked “Fragile” for a reason!

Arkyron [Canti]: It’s not my fault!!! These robot hands are clumsy!!!

Ovan: DON’T MAKE ME GET THE TASER!!!

Arkyron: …I’ll be good…

Ovan: Good! Now go get the other boxes before I zap your ass!

*as Arkyron dashes inside the house, Haseo walks outside*

Haseo: …You’re using Arky to do chores…?

Ovan: He’s a robot! And robots do what they’re told! What’s the problem!?

Haseo: …I think you’ve assimilated too well into this, Ovan…

Ovan: Oh, I see what the problem is… You think it’s weird to have a robot in the family…

Haseo: …Bite me…

*later on, Haseo walks by the bridge where Atoli hangs out*

Atoli: Look, Ta-kun! I found a kitty!

Haseo: Don’t care! *continues walking*

Atoli: Hmm… I’ll call you… “Ta-kun!”

*suddenly, the kitten scratches Atoli across the face several times and runs away*

Atoli: *crying* That wasn’t supposed to happen!!!

Haseo: Jeez… What’s up with everyone? Atoli’s a stupid bitch, Ovan’s a bossy bitch, Arkyron’s a whiny bitch, and… *notices Ouka, her crashed Vespa, and two police officers* …and Ouka’s a CRAZY bitch!!! WHAT NEXT?!?

Zero [Officer A]: Hey, lady! What’s with this crazy thing? It’s got parts I’ve never seen before! …Hmm? *notices Ouka sitting and peeks up her skirt* Hehehehe…

Squall [Officer B]: …

*Haseo walks over*

Haseo: …What’s going on here?

Squall: …This woman crashed into our building… Is she with you?

Ouka: I’m his housekeeper!

Haseo: …More like a home wrecker…

*Ouka stands up and fixes the Vespa with ease*

Ouka: So… Need a ride?

Zero: Sure! *gets hit in the head with a wrench*

Ouka: I WASN’T TALKING TO YOU!!!

*later, Haseo finds Atoli in front of the burned ruins of her old school, surrounded by candles*

Atoli: …Do you remember the fire here from 6 years ago…?

Haseo: …Oh, my god… You’ve gone emo, haven’t you!?

Atoli: …I hated this place…so much…

Haseo: Argh! I knew I should’ve taken that necromancy book away from you when I had the chance!

Atoli: …I burned it down, but it’s still here…

Haseo: That’s it!! Where’s the bat?!?

Atoli: …Look… Endsville is burning…

Haseo: Goddammit, I can’t find the bat!!!

*suddenly, Arkyron emerges from the ruins*

Haseo: Oh, god, what now?

*Lawliet watches from the top of a building as Atoli approaches Arkyron, a giant monster emerges from Haseo’s head, Arkyron devours Haseo and turns red, and battles the monster*

Lawliet: …Oh, screw the music! I don’t wanna miss a second of this!

Voice: *appears* Quality TV, huh?

Lawliet: Damn straight! …AAAAAHHHHH!!!! WOULD YOU STOP DOING THAT?!?

Voice: …Hehehe… Make me… *vanishes*

Lawliet: …C.ockbag…

Scene 3 (Marquis de Carabas)

*Haseo sits at his school desk, staring out the window*

Haseo: …

Slade [Gaku]: Pssst!

Haseo: …

Slade: Psssssst!

Haseo: … *gets hit in the head with a notebook* OW!

Slade: Look at me when I’m “pssst”-ing at you, dammit!!!

Haseo: *angrily* …What!?

Slade: Check it out… *hands Haseo an adult magazine*

Haseo: …What’s this?

Slade: Pretty nice, huh?

Destaros [Masashi]: I should know. I bought it from him for… *angrily* 3000 YEN!!!!

Slade: I said I gave you a discount!!!

Haseo: …You two are f**king nuts…

Sakubo [Junko Miyaji]: HEY!!! What are you three talking about during my lesson?!?

Slade: (Uh-oh!)

Destaros: (Busted!)

Sakubo: *snatches the magazine and looks at it* … *gasp* AAAHHH!!!! THIS IS HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE!!! DEMERITS!!! DEMERITS FOR ALL THREE OF YOU DELINQUENTS!!!

Haseo: (…Oh, someone please shut this bitch up…)

*later, Rena [Eri Ninamori] sits in an alleyway drinking juice; Haseo walks by*

Haseo: …What are you doing here?

Rena: Hmm? …Hey! Aren’t you supposed to be at rehearsal right now!? …And what’s with that stupid hat?

Haseo: …Shut up…

Rena: …So, what’re YOU doing here?

Haseo: …Meeting someone… *hears an approaching motor* …Here she comes now…

*Haseo and Rena look to see Ouka speeding towards them, leaving a trail of destruction*

Haseo/Rena: …

Ouka: I’M HERE!!!! …Huh?

*Ouka suddenly veers to avoid a stray cat and flies off the Vespa; the Vespa crashes into Haseo, and Haseo crashes into Rena*

Rena: …Ow… *notices Haseo’s cat ears* …No f**kin’ way… *touches them*

Ouka: *through a megaphone* DON’T TOUCH IT!!!!

Rena: …What are they?

Ouka: …Uh… Cat ears, I guess…

*suddenly, Rena collapses from stomach pain*

Ouka: …I told you not to touch it… It’s not my fault…

*the next day, after school…*

Haseo: …Well, I’m outta here…

Rena: Hold it! You’re not skipping out on rehearsal today!

Haseo: Would you leave me the hell alone, woman?!?

Destaros: SMOOCH!! SMOOCH!!

Haseo: SHUT THE F**K UP!!!!! …I already told you, I’m not doing the damn play!

*Haseo attempts to leave, but Rena grabs his wrist*

Rena: …I said you’re not leaving…

Haseo: …And I said leave me alone…

Rena: We all voted! You have to do it!

Haseo: No one’s even gonna come!

Rena: They will!! I want them to!!

Haseo: *turns to Rena* LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!

*Haseo swings his arm, hitting Rena’s hand*

Rena: …

Slade: Oh, here we go! It’s on, everybody! Shit is going down! I repeat, shit is going DOWN!

Rena: …Oh, yeah!? Well, what do you call that?!? *snatches Haseo’s hat, revealing his cat ears*

*murmurs of shock and disgust fill the room*

Haseo: …Well, at least I didn’t rig the votes to get the lead role, you BITCH!!!!

All: …

*on top of the building…*

Lawliet: Hehehe… This is getting pretty good… *sees a giant spider monster emerge from Rena’s head* Ooh… And now it’s not…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Voice: Oops! Outta time! But don’t despair! Be sure to join us next time for the climactic conclusion, WTF-addicts!

Marche: Aww… I wanted to see what happens next!

Voice: TOO BAD!!!! You’ll have to wait like everyone else!!!

Haseo: Oh, Voice… *draws dual swords* …I’d like to have a word with you…

Voice: …Uh-oh…

[Hayate]

*outside the control room…*

Executive 1: VOICE!!!! You can’t leave us locked out here forever!!

Executive 2: SOUR PATCH KIDS!!!!!

Voice: Hehehe… Just a little longer, and those two are bound to go insane… Now, then! *vanishes*

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Voice: Welcome back, viewers! I hope we didn’t keep you waiting! …AAAHHH!!! Marche, have you been sitting there all night?!?

Marche: I wanna see what happens next!!!

Voice: … *snaps fingers*

*Marche is thrown from the room via ejector seat*

Marche: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE……

Voice: *ahem* As I was saying… It’s time for the exciting conclusion of….hax//Cooly!!!

Haseo: …Wow…That was lame…

Voice: SHUT UP AND TAKE YOUR PLACE, BITCH!!!!

Season 6, Episode 6

Scene 4 (Full Swing)

Ouka: YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

*Ouka swings her baseball bat, nearly knocking the ball into orbit*

Hartz [Baseball coach]: GOD-F**KING-DAMMIT!!!! *throws his hat on the ground and drops to his knees* WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?!?

*the opposing players all stare into space as Ouka does her victory dance*

Ouka: Who’s bad!? I’m bad!! Who’s bad!?

Endrance [Baseball player A]: …This is unbelievable…

Dekar [Baseball player B]: That last hit looked like it went into outer space… She can’t be human… AN EXORCISM, I SAY!!!!

Endrance: Oh, shut up!!!

Dekar: …Sorry… But still, who the hell is that girl? Where’d she come from?

*Hartz looks on as the other team pays Ouka for her services*

Hartz: Grrrr… That Ouka… I can’t believe we couldn’t score a single run off her!!!

Dekar: *in singsong* Ex~or~ci~sm… *gets hit in the head with a water bottle*

Endrance: I said, shut the f**k up!!!

Hartz: …If only Sora didn’t go off to America…

Endrance: Sora…? …Oh, you mean Haseo’s older brother?

Haseo: …

Hartz: He goes off to America and we get stuck with the runt of the litter…

Haseo: …I’m sitting right here, y’know…

Hartz: Oh, shut up, Haseo! You know it’s true!

*one hour ago, during the 1st inning… Haseo steps up to bat*

Dekar: Go, Haseo!!! Knock it out of the park!!!

Haseo: …

Umpire: STRIKE 1!

Haseo: …

Endrance: C’mon, let’s go!!!

Umpire: STRIKE 2!!

Haseo: …

Hartz: SWING THE DAMN BAT, YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!!

Umpire: STRIKE 3!!! YOU’RE OUT!!!

*2nd inning…*

Umpire: STRIKE 3!!! YOU’RE OUT!!!

Haseo: …

*3rd inning …*

Umpire: STRIKE 3!!! YOU’RE OUT!!!

Haseo: …

*4th inning …*

Haseo: *gets hit in the face with the ball* GAH!!!!!

Ouka: Ooh… Rub some dirt on that, Haseo…

Haseo: …I…hate…baseball…

*one hour later…*

Hartz: What really pisses me off is that he never swings the bat, so we don’t know if he’s any good or not!!!

Endrance: If only we had our own pinch-hitter like Ouka… Hmm?

*Hartz, Endrance, and Dekar spot Arkyron picking up the baseballs and throwing them into the basket with ease*

Hartz/Endrance/Dekar: …Hmm…

*minutes later, Hartz tests Arkyron’s ability to catch a ball; he catches all 3 balls flying at him easily*

Endrance: …Awesome…

Dekar: …Inhuman… AN EXOR-- *gets hit in the head with a baseball bat*

Hartz: Gentleman… We’ve found our new bitch-- I mean, pinch-hitter!!!

Arkyron: FINALLY!!!! I HAVE PURPOSE!!!!

*Haseo walks off as the team cheers for Arkyron; he walks in the direction of his house until he sees Ouka*

Ouka: Hi there!

Haseo: …Don’t talk to me, you crazy bitch…

Ouka: …You know, you’ll never know how good you are if you don’t swing the bat.

Haseo: Save it for someone who cares, you crazy bitch…

Ouka: Are you gonna use the words “crazy bitch” in every sentence when you talk to me?!?

Haseo: WELL, IT’S WHAT YOU ARE!!!! *gets hit in the head with Ouka’s guitar* Ow!!! …THAT’S WHY!!!!

*later that evening, Haseo strikes the side of a vending machine with his bat*

Haseo: …

: …Hey.

Haseo: Huh?

*Haseo looks over to see Marche [Commander Amarao] sitting in a Vespa*

Marche: If you’re gonna hit somebody, use a baguette instead of a bat.

Haseo: …Who the hell are you?

Marche: That girl… She’s taken a liking to you, hasn’t she…?

Haseo: …Eyebrows…

Marche: You say something?!? I’ll have you know, these things take time to groom!!!

Haseo: …Whatever, crazy…

Marche: *ahem* Well, anyway… You should quit messin’ around with older women. They’re more trouble than you know… Later. *speeds away*

Haseo: … (Are all the adults in this world out of their f**king minds?)

*later, at the Department of Interstellar Immigrations…*

Ritz [Lieutenant Kitsurubami]: Estimated time of re-entry: 22 hours. …There! We have a visual!

*a picture of a falling satellite is shown*

Ritz: We’ve lost all control of it 10 hours since the attack. Irreparable damage to Verniers 6 to 11, as well as all 3 antennae. …Hmm?

*Ritz looks over at Marche, who’s examining his spicy bread*

Ritz: …Commander Marche?

Marche: Hmm… Doesn’t look like it’s poisoned. *hands the bag to Ritz* …Here, Ritz. Take care of this for me.

Ritz: …I’m sorry?

Marche: *twitch his eyebrows* I don’t like spicy food.

Ritz: …Those eyebrows…

Marche: I HEARD THAT!!!!

Ritz: *gulp*

Marche: …So, where’s it gonna fall!?

Ritz: Ohhhh… Hmm? Hey! There it is! The marker beacon!

*a red light flashes on the monitor representing a house in Mabase - Haseo’s house*

Marche: …Mabase… Should’ve figured…

Ritz: Hmm?

*from behind Marche, Ritz sees Marche’s eyebrows extending even past his head*

Ritz: …Eyebrows…

Marche: I HEARD THAT!!!! YOU WANNA BE OUT OF A JOB, LITTLE MISSY?!?!?

*the next day, on the baseball field…*

Umpire: PLAY BALL!!!!

*at bat, Arkyron gets hit in the head by Ouka’s curve ball*

Arkyron: GAH!!!!!! …Am I bleeding…?

Endrance: …Man, she’s scary…

Dekar: I bet she’s doing it on purpose…

*on the mound, Ouka whistles nonchalantly as a blimp flies overhead*

Blimp Message: A STATE OF EMERGENCY HAS BEEN DECLARED FOR THE ENTIRE AREA OF MABASE. I REPEAT. A STATE OF EMERGENCY HAS BEEN DECLARED FOR THE ENTIRE AREA OF MABASE. ALL CITIZENS PLEASE EVACUATE AS PER GIVEN INSTRUCTIONS.

*meanwhile, at his home, Haseo tries to recover from the chaos of finding a robot version of Ovan and Ovan being a living corpse*

Haseo: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS PLACE?!?!?

Ovan: …I guess…I wasn’t of any help to Ouka… She asked me to lend her my head and I said yes. Heh… I might’ve died for a short time.

Haseo: Wait a minute…

Marche: N-O. Using the difference in thought processes between our left and right brains, they open hyperspace channels for transportation of matter. They can cross thousands of light-years in the blink of an eye. But they can’t use just anyone’s head…

Ovan --> WRONG!!!
Haseo --> RIGHT!!!

Ovan: I tell ya, that Ouka’s something else…

Haseo: …Tell me about it… I doubt she’s even human…

*suddenly, Ouka comes crashing through the house on her Vespa*

Haseo/Ovan: WHAT THE F**K?!?!?

Marche: Right now, there’s a satellite with a bomb on board, heading for this very city. Even evacuating won’t save everyone. So, go back and tell her… Tell her that a local fan wanted her to…hit one more ball out of the park.

Ouka: …Yo!

Haseo: What the HELL is wrong with you?!?

Ouka: …I’m just Ouka.

Haseo: …Bullshit. You know about the satellite coming down, right?

Ouka: …Doubleheaders are hard. Tell that “local fan” that it’s gonna cost him.

*eventually, Ouka and Haseo ride towards the Medical Mechanica building; meanwhile, Atoli, sitting on Arkyron’s shoulders, looks up at the satellite*

Atoli: Wow… If that thing hits, do you think school will be closed tomorrow?

Arkyron: …Does being stupid come naturally to you?

*on top of the building…*

Haseo: …So, what’s the plan?

Ouka: Just…THIS!!!

*Ouka suddenly reaches into Haseo’s head and pulls out a guitar*

Haseo: Okay, that hurt… What’s that?

Ouka: …Your bat.

*at Interstellar Immigrations…*

Marche: …I don’t believe it…

Ritz: …Altitude: 20,000 meters. Now entering final re-entry configuration.

*suddenly, the satellite begins to pick up speed*

Atoli: Ooh…

Ouka: Now… Just like I showed you.

Haseo: …This is totally messed up…

Ouka: Here it comes! Get ready!

Ritz: There’s no way!

Marche: He doesn’t stand a chance!

Ritz: 10,000 meters!

*the satellite changes form and fires the bomb like a baseball*

Haseo: You’ve gotta be kidding me!!! You expect me to hit that?!? …Huh? Ouka? Ouka!!! …Uh-oh…

Ritz: It’s rotating!

Marche: …A sinker!

*Haseo readies himself as the bomb gets closer*

Haseo: Oh, man… If I live through this, I’m kicking the Voice’s ASS!!!!!!

*he swings and the guitar connects with the bomb*

Haseo: Gah…!

Ritz: He’s being pushed back!

Marche: …He swung the bat…

*the bomb stops moving and starts to glow*

Haseo: OH, SHIT!!!!

Ritz: It’s gonna explode!

Marche: DUCK AND COVER!!!

*suddenly, Ouka jumps up and connects her own guitar with the bomb, sending it back into outer space*

Atoli: …Wow, Ta-kun…

Arkyron: …CAN YOU GET OFF MY HEAD NOW?!?

*at Interstellar Immigrations…*

Ritz: …Confirmed by TTR tracking radar. The bomb achieved escape velocity and is entering satellite orbit.

Marche: …That Kaou…

*suddenly, Marche’s right eyebrow falls off*

Ritz: Huh? *notices the eyebrow* …WHAT THE F**K?!?!?

Scene 5 (Brittle Bullet)

Haseo: *out of breath*

*Haseo and Ouka hide out in a field of wheat, cocking their BB guns*

Ouka: They’ve got us surrounded.

Haseo: AND they’ve got a sniper. We’re completely pinned.

Ouka: We’ve gotta make a break for it.

Haseo: Okay. I’ll be the decoy, and--

Ouka: That’s the plan! Go get ‘em! *kicks Haseo out into the open*

Haseo: Ow! You bitch!!!

Arkyron: I SEE YOU!!!! *fires BB guns*

Haseo: OH, SHIT!!! *goes back into hiding*

Ovan: Oh, Haseo… Come out, come out, wherever you are…

Haseo: (Okay… Gotta come up with a plan…)

Ouka: PROVE TO THEM YOU LOVE ME, HASEO!!!

Haseo: GIVING OUT OUR POSITION’S NOT PART OF THE PLAN!!!!

Ovan: There you are!!! *fires BB guns*

Haseo: GAH!!! I’m hit!!!

*Atoli watches from the bridge*

Atoli: Hehe… Looks like fun… Hmm?

*looking over, Atoli sees Ritz preparing a bazooka*

Ritz: Target is in range. It’s blue! I repeat, it’s blue!

Marche: *through walkie-talkie* You’re sure it’s not red?

Ritz: It’s blue, okay?!? I’m not colorblind!!!

Marche: Okay, fine! Just don’t blow this or else Medical Mechanica will be all over our asses!

Ritz: Roger that!

*meanwhile…*

Haseo: BANZAI!!!!!! *fires BB guns at Ovan* Ha-ha! Gotcha now!! *notices that it was a scarecrow* …SHIT!!!!

Ovan: NOW!!!!

Arkyron: GOTCHA!!!! *triggers a trap*

*a trap under Haseo is triggered, including ropes, wooden stakes, and explosives*

Haseo: GAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

Ritz: …They appear to be playing some kind of game. I think I can handle this myself.

*in the wheat field…*

Ouka: *sigh*

Haseo: What are you doing just sitting there?!? Get up and help me!!!

Ouka: …But my guitar’s not plugged in…

Haseo: WHY WOULD YOU BRING THAT WITH YOU?!?!? THIS IS WAR!!!!!!!

Ouka: …We’re in trouble…

Haseo: Oh, screw it all!!! *jumps out and dashes at Arkyron, guns blazing* YOUR ASS IS MINE!!!!

Arkyron: EAT HOT LEAD, HOOD-BOY!!!!

*Haseo and Arkyron fire their guns; suddenly, an explosion incapacitates Arkyron, giving Haseo an opening*

Haseo: YEAH!!!!!! TAKE THAT, BITCH!!!!!

Ritz: *firing bazooka* Blue!! Blue!! Blue!! Cobalt blue!! *reloads* “If seven of nine heaves a sigh, what do you have!?” *aims at Arkyron* “SIGH-BORG!!!!” *fires again*

Ouka: *jumps up* Cyborg, my ass!!! *returns the cannon blast to Ritz*

Ritz: …Uh-oh…

Atoli: Actually, confusing robots with cyborgs is a common misconception--

*BOOM!!!!*

*from the ensuing explosion, Ritz flies off and crashes into Ovan, sending them both into the lake*

Ovan: Gah!!! Man down, man down!!! It’s up to you now, TV-boy!!!

Haseo: Hah!! Just one more and I win!

*Haseo chases Arkyron into the open road, where he gets run over by a passing jeep*

Haseo: GODDAMMIT, NOT AGAIN!!!!!

*the jeep screeches to a halt*

Slade: I think we hit something…

Haseo: WHY DON’T YOU WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING?!?!?

Destaros: …Haseo? Is that you?

Haseo: …Oh…It’s you guys…

Rena: …What are you doing out here?

Haseo: Playing a game. What’s it to you? …Hey, wait! What’s with the jeep?

Slade: We got part-time jobs. We’re busy making deliver--

Haseo: Stop. I already don’t care.

*meanwhile, at the end of the riverbank…*

Ritz: *barfs* …Saltwater…Bleh… Sorry, sir, but I lost the target…

Ovan: Help!! I can’t swim!!!

Ritz: Shut up! I’m talking to someone here!

Ovan: *sarcastically* Oh, I’m so sorry! I’ll just drown more quietly!!!!

Ritz: He’s a strange one, sir. He thinks flying comes naturally… *sees Arkyron approaching* AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

*meanwhile, at the barber shop, Marche holds a gun to Ouka’s head as she holds a scalpel to his neck*

Ouka: …What’s with the eyebrows, huh!? You think they make you look manlier!?

Marche: …Kaou!

*Marche fires his guns at Ouka as she dodges all the bullets; they eventually stare each other down*

Marche: Hmph! *snaps fingers*

*government agents all come out of hiding to confront Ouka*

Marche: …That robot is dangerous. If we don’t take it out, Medical Mechanica will take action. Not only that, but… Now that it’s turned red…it’s Atomsk!

*Ouka’s eyes go red with rage as Marche and his men fire guns at her; in seven seconds time, Ouka takes out all of the agents, leaving only Marche*

Marche: …You’ve gotta be f**king with me…

*meanwhile, in the city…*

Atoli: …You like her, don’t you?

Haseo: …Please shut up.

Atoli: How much do you like her?

Haseo: …Please shut up.

Atoli: You do like her, don’t you, Ta-kun?

Haseo: …Please shut up.

*suddenly, something inside Haseo’s head triggers and a large monster comes out*

Marche: …Ohhh… Huh? Ah! M-My eyebrows! …Huh? AAAAHHHH!!! You see!? This is exactly what I was talking about!!!!!

Ouka: Oh, would you just shut up already?!?

Marche: That guitar won’t do much, you know…

Ouka: …You have no idea what I’m capable of…

*Ouka suddenly raises her guitar and casts a spell*

Marche: You’re doing that here?!? Huh…?

*under the spell, a tiny growth appears on Marche’s head*

Ouka: Tch! Small, as usual… He’s more manly than you…

Marche: …You’re toying with my emotions again…

*Ouka suddenly takes off on her guitar*

Marche: DAMMIT!!! What’s so great about that kid anyway?!? WHAT’S HE GOT THAT I HAVEN’T GOT?!?!?

*Lawliet watches from the building*

Lawliet: Oh, man… This is getting too good! This calls for a special song!

*Lawliet picks up his guitar and starts playing The Pillows’ “Blues Drive Monster”*

*on top of the monster…*

Atoli: AAAAAHHHHH!!!! I’m scared!!!!

Haseo: Would you let go of me?!? I’m trying to save the world here!!! ARKY!!!!

*Arkyron arrives and devours Haseo, becoming Atomsk; Haruko and Atomsk begin battling the gun-armed monster in the sky; meanwhile, at the ground…*

Slade: This is the coolest thing ever!!! Are you getting all this!?!?

Destaros: *filming* I sure as hell am!!!

Rena: …Uh, guys?

Destaros: Hey! You think we could sell this to a major movie-making company?

Slade: Hell yeah!! We’ll make millions!!

Rena: GUYS!!!

Slade/Destaros: WHAT?!?

Rena: Look!!!

*the three friends all see the monster beginning to fall back on top of them*

Slade: HOLY SHIT!!!!

Destaros: QUICK!!! BACKUP, BACKUP, BACKUP!!!!!

Slade: I’M TRYING!!!!! WHERE’S THE F**KING “REVERSE” ON THIS THING?!?!?

*suddenly, Atoli comes flying down through the jeep’s sunroof*

Atoli: …

Slade: It’s Haseo’s…

Destaros: …wife.

*suddenly, Atomsk pulls a special guitar out of his TV screen*

Ouka: Whoa… A 1961 Gibson EB-Zero… KICK-ASS!!!!

*Atomsk thrusts the guitar straight through the monster, dealing the final blow*

Slade/Destaros/Rena: AWESOME!!!!!

*the monster freezes in place, turning into a giant stone hand near the Medical Mechanica building; meanwhile, at the end of the riverbank…*

Ovan: *barfs* …Saltwater…Bleh… Huh?

*suddenly, a piece of the monster crashes near Ovan, sending him back into the water*

Ovan: *gargling water* I HATE THIS PLACE!!!!!!!

Scene 6 (FLCLimax)

Sakubo: HAI!!

*students click chopsticks together*

Sakubo: Using chopsticks makes eating lunch fun! It’s also proven that using chopsticks prevents senility in elderly people! Hai!

*students click chopsticks together*

Sakubo: Chopsticks work the brain as well as the hands. Allow me to demonstrate! *attempts to pick up food using chopsticks but fails* Huh…? That’s not right… Come on… *barely picks up a mushroom, but it slips off* Ohhh… H-Hai!

*students click chopsticks together*

Haseo: (…Someone kill me so I can get out of here…)

*later, in the rain, Atoli stands by the river holding an umbrella*

Atoli: …Where did Ta-kun go?

*suddenly, a passing-by motorist speeds by, splashing water on Atoli*

Atoli: H-Hey!! Watch where you’re going!!

Motorist: Screw you!!!

*Atoli picks up a rock and throws it at the motorist’s head; it connects and the motorist veers off the road and into the water*

Motorist: Gah!!! Help!!! Can’t swim!!!

Atoli: Hmph!

*suddenly, she notices a tiny moving piece of machinery with four legs*

Atoli: Hmm? …What’s this weird thing?

*on the way home, Haseo takes a shortcut through a construction site, where he meets with Marche*

Haseo: …‘Sup, bushy-brow?

Marche: …You find that funny?

Haseo: …Meh.

Marche: …Haven’t you figured it out yet? Every time something comes out of your head, trouble brews.

Haseo: …Don’t care.

Marche: …Just so you know, I doubt that your housekeeper will come back.

Haseo: …Don’t care.

*suddenly, Marche slaps eyebrows like his on Haseo*

Haseo: OW!!! What’s your deal!?

Marche: Do you know why Kaou made those moves on you? …Oh, that’s right. Kaou is Ouka’s real name. Anyway, she was looking for a man named Atomsk. Atomsk possesses so much power that he’s actually able to steal planets. They call him the “Pirate King”. Normally, Kaou and Atomsk are enemies, but Atomsk was captured by Medical Mechanica. And Kaou came here to save him. It’s because…she’s in love with him. …Hmm?

Haseo: *snoring*

Marche: …HEY!!!! LISTEN TO ME WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU!!!! …DAMMIT, WHY DOES EVERYONE DO THAT?!?!?

*later, in Haseo’s house…*

Ovan: Okay, Haseo! Moment of truth: What does “Fooly Cooly” mean?

Haseo: …Hell if I know.

Ovan: But you’re the main character. How can you not know? TELL ME!!!

Haseo: Who cares what it means?!?!?

*Ouka swings her guitar and Haseo dodges it*

Haseo: And YOU!!!! Why do you keep doing that?!?!?

*this eventually escalates into an all-out brawl*

Ovan: AAAHHH!!! That doesn’t bend that way!!!

Haseo: HAH!!! That’s what you get!!! Terror of Death, bitch!!! …OW!!! Dammit, Ouka!!!

Ouka: Hehehehe…

*meanwhile, Atoli walks her new “pet” through the streets of Mabase*

Atoli: …Look…

*Atoli turns the creature’s attention to a pile of machinery*

Atoli: …All you can eat…

*the creature jumps at the pile and starts eating; when it finishes, it grows in size*

Atoli: …C’mon…Let’s go find the next one…

*the next morning, Slade leaves his house and meets with Destaros*

Slade: ‘Sup?

Destaros: Hey. …Hmm?

*the two notice Atoli walking around like a zombie*

Slade: Hey, look! It’s the girl Haseo dumped!

*Atoli looks at the two with angry eyes; her “pet”, nearly 20 feet tall, roars at them*

Slade/Destaros: HOLY SHIT!!!!!

*the creature leaps at them*

Atoli: No, stop! That’s not on my revenge list!! Stop it, Ta-kun!

*the creature goes past Slade and Destaros and chomps down on a truck*

Slade: …I think I just pissed my pants…

Destaros: …Oh, good, I thought it was just me…

*meanwhile…*

Marche: …Hey, Ritz… What do you do on your days off?

Ritz: …I don’t think now’s a good time for that, Commander…

Marche: Aw, come on… Don’t be that way…

*Marche rests his hand on Ritz’s hand; Ritz pulls her hand away*

Ritz: Eww… Commander, please!

*all of a sudden, Atoli’s “pet”, now 50 feet tall, jumps in front of Ritz’s truck*

Ritz: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Marche: What the hell?!?

Atoli: STOP, TA-KUN!!! I SAID STOP!!!

Marche: “Ta-kun”? …T-That’s the terminal core!!! She’s been feeding it!!!

*suddenly, the monster notices Arkyron and looks at him ravenously*

Arkyron: …Oh, hell no…

*it absorbs Arkyron and grows even more*

Marche: So, it was part of the terminal core after all!

Ritz: *sarcastically* Oh, gee, ya think?!?!?

*Ouka and Haseo race to catch up with the monster*

Haseo: *yawn* What’s all the commotion?

Ouka: We have a situation! Now’s not the time to be sleeping!

*the monster, with Atoli and Marche dangling from its side, jumps onto the giant stone hand*

Marche: Ohhhh… What a rush… Hmm?

*Marche notices Ouka’s Vespa flying overhead*

Marche: …Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me!!!!

*Haseo jumps off the Vespa and confronts Marche*

Marche: Hey! Where are the eyebrows I gave you!? I told you not to trust that woman! She only cares about herself!

Haseo: …

Marche: …But you’re not like that, are you? You want to save everyone. Am I right? Of course you do! It’s only natural! I’m telling you again: Don’t let that woman manipulate you!

Haseo: …Shut up. *turns away from Marche*

Marche: What are you doing?!? Are you THAT stupid?!?

Ouka: …Haseo.

Haseo: …Do it.

*Ouka sends Haseo flying into the mouth of the monster, which then merges with the stone hand*

Marche: Oh, you’ve done it now, Kaou… That’s it!! Game over!! We’re all gonna die!!

Ouka: …You should already know I don’t care, you monkey… All I want is Atomsk!

*the giant stone hand suddenly moves and grasps the top of the iron-shaped Medical Mechanica building; Arkyron is shown standing underneath the hand, glowing*

Ouka: Here it comes! …Huh?

*suddenly, a human-shaped figure climbs out of Arkyron’s TV screen and blows the giant stone hand up into the sky*

Marche: Oh, my God… He did it… He actually did it…

*Haseo is shown standing on top of Arkyron, holding two guitars, his body glowing bright red*

Marche: He got the power of the Pirate King!!!

Lawliet: KICK-ASS!!!!! This calls for a cool song!

*Lawliet picks up his guitar and starts playing The Pillows’ “I Think I Can”*

Haseo: … *smirk*

Ouka: …Grrrr… Haseo… You son of a… That power’s supposed to be…MINE!!!!!! *charges at Haseo*

*a clashing of guitars ensues between Haseo and Ouka*

Ouka: I’ll show you…no…MERCY!!!!!

*Ouka swings her guitar, but Haseo catches it and sends Ouka flying downward onto the building*

Ouka: …Damn…him…

*Haseo flies at Ouka holding a two-pronged guitar*

Marche: YEAH!!! FINISH THAT BITCH OFF!!!!

*suddenly, Haseo stops short several inches away from Ouka and looks up at her*

Haseo: …You are such a crazy bitch…

*at that moment, Haseo releases Atomsk into the sky; Ouka looks up at him in awe*

Marche: …Whoa…

*Atomsk then takes off into outer space and the Medical Mechanica building crashes sideways*

Ouka: …Heh…

*Ouka then boards her Vespa and turns to Haseo*

Ouka: Well, thanks to you, Haseo, I’ve lost him again… Looks like my search goes on…

Haseo: …

Ouka: …You wanna come with me?

Haseo: …Are you crazy?

Ouka: …I sure am.

*the Vespa begins to float in midair*

Ouka: Well… See ya ‘round. *flies away*

Haseo: …

*Haseo climbs up onto a hill of debris and finds a guitar; meanwhile, Atoli pops up out of the debris and looks around*

Atoli: …Huh?

*she sees Haseo standing on top of the debris holding the guitar in a cool position…*

Atoli: …

*…and takes a picture with her camera*

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Voice: *sobbing* That was beautiful!!! My best work ever!!! I knew this was a good idea!!! Glad I thought of it!!!

Housemates: YOU thought of it?!?!?

Voice: AAAAHHHH!!!! How’d you get in here?!?

Haseo: *sarcastically* Magic powers… OoooOOOoooOOOoooh…

Voice: …Very funny…

Marche: YAY!!! What happens next?!?

Voice: SHUT UP, MARCHE!!!

Marche: Awww…

*meanwhile, outside the control room…*

Executive 1: Okay, Voice!!! This isn’t funny anymore!!!

Executive 2: *crying* Sour Patch Kids…

Executive 1: Would you shut up already?!?!? …Okay, that’s it, Voice!!! If you don’t open this door before I count to 10, we’re canceling the show!!!! You hear me?!? …One! …Two! …Three! …Four! …Five!

*suddenly, compartments next to the door open up, revealing deadly lasers aimed at the Executives*

Executive 2: …I think you said the secret word…

*laser beams are fired*

Executive 1: AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! MY EYES!!!!!!!!

[Hayate]

Voice: …WHAT?!?!? THIS IS A JOKE, RIGHT?!?

Executive 1: I’m afraid not.

Executive 2: You know what you must do, correct?

Voice: Yeah, yeah… Dammit… *vanishes*

Executive 1: … *sobs*

Executive 2: …Dude… Are you crying?

Executive 1: NO!!! S-SHUT UP!!!

Executive 2: …Hey.

Executive 1: …What?

Executive 2: *puts hand on Exec 1’s shoulder* …I feel your pain.

Executive 1: …Get your hand off me, you gay bastard…

.hax//WTF Final Episode

Haseo: *stomps on Arkyron’s back* Say it!! Say it!!

Arkyron: *sobs* I don’t wanna!

Haseo: *stomps again* I SAID SAY IT, BITCH!!!

Arkyron: *sobs* “Silly Arky, Cocoa Puffs are for PKKs!!!”

Haseo: Ha-ha! Did you get that?

Lawliet: *presses ‘Stop’ on a tape recorder* Yup!

Tape Recorder: “Silly Arky, Cocoa Puffs are for PKKs!!!” *rewind* “Silly Arky, Cocoa Puffs are for PKKs!!!” *rewind* “Silly Arky, Cocoa Puffs are for PKKs!!!”

Lawliet: *laughing* I could listen to this all day!

Arkyron: *sobs* You guys are f**king Nazis!!!

Haseo: *stomps again* You brought this on yourself, bitch!

Zero: *walks in* Whatcha guys doin’?

Lawliet: Just listen!

Tape Recorder: “Silly Arky, Cocoa Puffs are for PKKs!!!”

Zero: … *laughing*

Arkyron: …I hate my life…

*in the living room…*

Endrance: *stroking Mia’s fur*

Mia: *purring*

Endrance: …Ahhh… Hmm?

*Squall suddenly runs down the stairs*

Endrance: Squall? What’s with you? …Or more precisely: What’s with your hair!?

Squall: Shut up! You never saw me! *crawls under the couch*

Endrance: …

*Destaros runs down the stairs carrying rubber bands and scissors*

Destaros: Where’d he go? I wasn’t done braiding his hair!

Endrance: o.0 …Uh… I think he went outside…

Destaros: YOU CAN’T ESCAPE ME, SQUALL!!!! *runs outside*

Endrance: …He’s gone now…

Squall: *climbs out from under the couch* …Thanks… I owe you one…

Endrance: …Damn right you do…

*suddenly, Voice appears on the couch next to Endrance*

Endrance: HOLY SHIT!!! *stumbles off the couch* Dammit, Voice, how many times do I gotta tell you to stop doing that?!?!?

Voice: …Endrance, do me a favor and get everybody in here…

Endrance: *sarcastically* …Yeah, I’ll do that… And why should I do you a favor?

Voice: …‘Cuz if you don’t, I’ll cut off your testicles and feed them to you!

Endrance: …I’ll be right back… *zooms up the stairs*

*eventually…*

Hartz: What is it now, Voice…?

Marche: POKÉMON WAR!

Hartz: Would you shut the hell up?!?

Ovan: So… How will we be making fools of ourselves today?

Voice: I’m afraid that you won’t be making fools of yourselves today, Ovan… The show’s been cancelled…

All: o.0 …FINALLY!!!!

Voice: *sarcastically* …Your sadness knows no bounds, does it…?

Slade: FREE AT LAST!!! FREE AT LAST!!! THANK GOD ALMIGHTY, WE ARE FREE AT LAST!!!

Dekar: Tequila! I demand tequila! With holy water in it!

Voice: So… It’s a celebration you want, huh? Hmm… Okay then. Be right back. *vanishes*

Rena: …I say we get outta here before he gets back!

Sakubo: (Bo) But who knows if the Chaos Gate’s working or not…?

Haseo: Bo’s right. Until Voice comes back…we’re still stuck.

Dekar: So…no tequila?

*3 hours later…*

Ouka: Ha! I win again!

Zero: *pounding head on table* I hate you so much, Ouka…

Ouka: Comes with the territory! Hah!

Haseo: …Dammit, what the hell’s taking Voice so long? First he tells us that the show’s cancelled, then he leaves us out to dry! What’s the f**king holdup?!?

Atoli: Well, while we wait, Haseo, we could always--

Haseo: Atoli, if you say “make out”, I’m going to hurt you.

Atoli: Uh… Um…

Haseo: …You were gonna say “make out”, weren’t you?

Atoli: …Yes? *gets hit in the head with a frying pan* *passes out*

Haseo: …That’s better.

*suddenly, Voice reappears*

Voice: I’m back, bitches! *gets hit in the head with a frying pan* OW!!!

Haseo: What took you so long, you son of a bitch?!?

Voice: I was just prepping the ceremony.

Lawliet: What ceremony?

Voice: Pffff! “What ceremony”, he says. *snaps fingers*

*suddenly, Voice and the housemates are transported to Hy Brasail, where a massive party was taking place*

All: HOLY SHIT!!!

Voice: Welcome to the End of WTF Bash, bitches! We’re ending the show by going out with a bang!!

Dekar: WHOO!! DIBS ON THE NACHOS!!!

: HASEO!!!!

Haseo: …That voice… It can’t be!!!

*suddenly, Haseo is tackled to the ground by Tabby*

Tabby: Haseo!!! Did you miss me?!?

Haseo: …Someone kill me now…

Voice: Oh, yeah… Did I forget to mention? I brought all of the former, killed off, and/or guest-appearing housemates to the party!

Haseo: YES, YOU DID FORGET TO MENTION THAT!!!!!

Atoli: Uh, guys…? We have a problem…

Voice: What is it, Ato-- OH…MY…DEAR…GOD!!!!!

*Lawliet is shown standing next to his R:1 self - the Twin Partizan version*

R:1 Lawliet: *angrily* Hello, all… Did you miss me?

Endrance: …I think my heart just stopped…

Arkyron: What’s going on here?!? *points to R:2 Lawliet* I thought that was Lawliet!

R:2 Lawliet: You think you’re the only one freaked out by this?!?

: I think we can shed some light on the situation…

*suddenly, Mia and Ciege step forth*

Atoli: Mia!!!

Dekar: Ciege?!?!? But… You can’t be alive!!!

Ciege: And believe me, you’ll get yours soon enough, “emomancer”! But first, explanations!

Mia: You see, during the WTF Season 1 finale, Ovan sent Ciege, Lawliet, and I out to get drinks for the party…

*five seasons ago, in Mac Anu…*

Lawliet: Hurry up, bitches! I wanna make it back in time to get drunk!

Mia: Would you slow down, L?

Ciege: Yeah. The party isn’t going anywhere.

Lawliet: That’s what slowpokes always say!! Now HURRY THE F**K UP!!!!

Mia: Okay, that’s it! I’ve had enough!

Lawliet: Huh? What are you going on about now, slow-- *gets hit in the head with a steam bike* GAH!!! My medulla oblongata!!*passes out*

PC: *sobs* My steam bike…

Mia: Quick, Ciege! Grab his legs!

Ciege: Uh… Okay…

*Mia and Ciege pick up Lawliet’s body and throw it into the Mac Anu river*

Ciege: …We’re SO going to hell… So what do we tell the others?

Mia: Hey, you!

Melodist PC: Huh…?

*Mia suddenly flashes a neuralizer in the Melodist’s eyes*

Melodist PC: …

Mia: Your name is Lawliet! In the first revision of The World, you were a Lord Partizan and a ruthless PK, and your favorite activity was setting THIS guy on fire!

Ciege: …Hi…

Mia: And right now, you’re coming with us to star on a reality TV show whose producer can only be described as the embodiment of Satan!

Melodist PC: …‘Kay…

*present day, at Hy Brasail…*

R:2 Lawliet: YOU ERASED MY MEMORIES WITH A COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT OF THE MEN IN BLACK?!?!?

Mia: …Uh… Yeah, I guess so… Hehehe…

R:1 Lawliet: …You wanna beat them up first or should I?

R:2 Lawliet: Please… I’d be insulted if I didn’t let you go first…

Ciege: …Uh-oh…

R:1 Lawliet: I’ll give you a 2-second head start…

*Mia and Ciege look at each other and run away from Lawliet*

R:1 Lawliet: *runs after them* DON’T MESS WITH THE SIN OF SHADOWS!!!!!

Ovan: Wow… This has turned into quite a day…

R:2 Lawliet: Oh, gee, ya think, Ovan?!? I just realized that my entire life is a lie!!!!!

Slade: Yeah, yeah, cry us a river, Lawliet - or whatever the hell your name is. So who else is here?

: DESTAROS!!!!!

Destaros: …Oh, crap… *runs away*

*Jestu runs after Destaros*

Jestu: Get back here, you son of a bitch!!! I bet 3 million GP on you to win the Poké-War!!! You better pay what you owe!!!

All: …

Slade: …I guess that answers that question…

*minutes later…*

Hartz: Wow… This is some party, huh?

Marche: POKÉMON!!!

Hartz: *slaps Marche* STOP THAT!!!

Marche: …Sorry… Hmm? Hey, do you hear something?

*suddenly, Haseo comes running past Hartz and Marche*

Haseo: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!

*just then, a group of people goes chasing after him*

Atoli/Tabby: HASEO!!!!

Piros the 3rd: YOUR LOVE MAKES ME HOT!!!

Kite: GET BACK HERE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!

Alkaid: CHEATER!!!!!

Sora: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

Hartz/Marche: …

Hartz: …We didn’t see anything?

Marche: Agreed.

*meanwhile…*

Squall: *in a cage* …You just couldn’t let the black hole thing go, could you?

Roux Kazuki: Nope!

Grey Fox: So! What should we do to him first?

Kirby: EAT HIM!!!!!

Squall: *sigh* …You know… I never did tell you what I used to close the black hole, did you?

Grey Fox: No. It was kinda hard to hear what with the being SUCKED IN BY A CELESTIAL BODY!!!!

Squall: Right… *grasps his left wrist with his right hand*

Roux Kazuki: …What the hell are you doing?

*a blue sphere of energy appears in Squall’s left hand*

Kirby: Ooh… Pretty light…

*Squall then slams the sphere on the ground, creating a small-scale explosion that blows Roux, Fox, and Kirby away*

Squall: …Heh…

*meanwhile…*

Silabus: Fun party, huh, Gaspard?

Gaspard: Ohhh… This place is scary, Silabus…

Silabus: Oh, come on, Gaspard! You think every place we go to is scary! I bet you even think our @home is scary!

Gaspard: WHO TOLD YOU THAT?!?

Silabus: …

*suddenly, a spear is thrust through Gaspard’s chest*

Gaspard: GAH!!!!

R:1 Lawliet: …Oops… Sorry, I thought you were someone else…

Gaspard: Vision blurring… Fingers getting numb…

Silabus: …

Gaspard: Grip on reality fading…

Silabus: … *kicks Gaspard* Oh, would you just die already, you whiny bitch!?

*meanwhile (again)…*

Kuhn: *zooming through the crowd* Well, hello there, pretty lady! …Hi! What’s your name? …Do you know CPR? ‘Cuz you take my breath away…

Pi: …This is just pathetic…

Yata: I know…

Kuhn: Hi there! Can I get your phone number?

Pi: Dammit, Kuhn! That’s not even a girl! That’s a lamppost!

Kuhn: Huh… I was wondering why she was so skinny… Ooh! Cutie trio at 2:00! *zooms over to three girls standing together* Hey, cuties! Wanna go somewhere private?

Natsume: *blush* Hehehe…

Rachel: Oh, you!

Kuhn: And what about you, sweetie?

Ritz: …Bite me…

Kuhn: Hehe… Sounds tempting… *puts hand on Ritz’s shoulder*

Ritz: *eye twitch*

Montblanc: 3… 2… 1…

*SLAP!!!*

Montblanc: Right on cue… *kupo*

Yata: Wow… A slap with a metal glove… That’s gotta hurt…

Kuhn: *dizzily* Steel tastes like blood…

*meanwhile (again)…*

Orca: Whazzup, whazzup, WHAZZUP?!? Hey, y’all, it’s ya boy, Azure O keepin’ it real!

Antares: …Hey, “Azure O”…

Orca: ‘Sup, playa?

Antares: …Wanna score some crack?

Orca: Hoo! This some quality shit you got here, son!

*all of a sudden, Gabi runs in and crashes into Orca*

Gabi: I’M GABI!!!

Orca: Excuse me!! EXCUSE ME!!! Did you just bump into tha O-dawg!?

Gabi: RAISE DA ROOF!!!

Orca: Aiight, dat’s it! Azure O’s gon’ hafta teach dis fool some manners!

*Orca and Gabi start fighting in a cartoon-inspired cloud of smoke*

Orca: Yeah! Take dat, bitch!

Gabi: CABBAGE PATCH KIDS!!!!

Antares: …Going to back away slowly now…

*meanwhile (again!)…*

Ichigo: …How the hell did I get here…?

Sakaki: EXCUSE ME!!!

Ichigo: Uh… Who, me?

Sakaki: Yes, you! Oh, my god, just look at you!! Orange hair with black robes?!? You look like a Halloween party gone bad!!

Ichigo: …Uh…

Sakaki: And what’s this? *snatches Ichigo’s Hollow mask* Planning to go trick-or-treating later!? I wouldn’t blame you, not with that get-up! I mean, my god, who does your wardrobe - Attila the Hun?!?

Ichigo: …

*Ichigo suddenly cuts off Sakaki’s head*

Ichigo: …Well, he wasn’t a Hollow, but it’ll do…

*nearby, Terajima Ryoko talks to Ovan near the buffet table*

Ryoko: *talking nonstop really fast*

Ovan: … (Dear god, someone shut this bitch up…)

*suddenly, Sakaki’s head flies into the punch bowl*

Ryoko: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! *runs away*

Ovan: … *turns to Sakaki’s head* …If I could find your body, I’d shake your hand…

*meanwhile, at the Crimson VS area…*

Zero: HAH!!! That’s 5 games in a row!

UnKnOwN: *pounding head on table* WHY’D I EVER THINK I COULD WIN A GAME I NEVER PLAYED BEFORE?!?!?

Zero: ‘Cuz j00 phail, that’s why!! Who’s next!?

Ouka: I’ll play…!

Zero: Uh-oh! I’m outta here! *runs away* KEEP YOUR CLAWS OFF MY CARDS, SHE-DEVIL!!!

Ouka: …

*meanwhile (AGAIN!)…*

*Slade and Taihaku watches Matsu and Bordeaux beat the crap out of each other*

Matsu: THIS IS FOR LOOKING AT ME FUNNY!!! AND THIS IS FOR BREATHING MY AIR!!! AND THIS IS FOR… For… L-LOOKING AT ME FUNNY!!!

Bordeaux: LALALALALALALALALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Slade: Matsu VS Bordeaux! Taking all bets!

Taihaku: *smoking* *sigh* This is boring…

*Taihaku walks onto the ship in the dock and opens the door to the captain’s cabin, where he sees Lawliet and Aina making out…*

Taihaku: …

*…and slowly shuts the door*

Taihaku: …I didn’t need to see that…

Sakubo: (Saku) See what?

Taihaku: …Knock yourself out… *walks away*

Sakubo: (Saku) Huh… What’s his problem? *opens cabin door* OH, GOD!!! *slams cabin door* GAG ME WITH A SPOON!!!

*meanwhile (AGAIN!)…*

*Haseo peeks out from underneath a table*

Haseo: …Okay…I think I lost them… *climbs out and bumps into someone* Hey, watch where I’m going, c.ockbag!

Diamond Wolf: *turns around* Who’re you callin’ a c.ockbag, c.ockbag!?

Haseo: …Hey, wait a minute. Don’t I know you?

D. Wolf: Uh… I don’t think so. Hey, Usagi, you know this guy?

Usagi: Um… Nope.

Haseo: Hey, wait! Weren’t you those Team Rocket losers from the Poké-War?

Wolf/Usagi: *eye twitch* …Losers!?

Haseo: …Uh-oh…

Alkaid: There you are, you cheater! Guys, I found him!

Haseo: Oh, crap, not again!

*Haseo runs away being chased by Atoli, Tabby, Piros the 3rd, Kite, Alkaid, Sora, Diamond Wolf, and Usagi Waren*

Atoli/Tabby: HASEO!!!!

Piros the 3rd: YOUR LOVE MAKES ME HOT!!!

Kite: YOU CAN’T KEEP RUNNING FOREVER!!!

Alkaid: CHEATER!!!!!

Sora: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

D. Wolf/Usagi: CALL US LOSERS AGAIN!!! WE DARE YOU!!!

Haseo: WHY ME?!?!?!?!?!?

*hours later…*

Voice: Wow… That was some party, huh?

Dekar: *drunkenly, singing* 99 tequila shots on the wall! 99 tequila shots! *hiccup*

Sakubo: (Saku) My eyes!!! They burn!!!

R:2 Lawliet: *drops to knees* I’ve been living a lie for months!!!!

Ovan: The voice… The horrible, horrible voice…

Arkyron: *holding Sakaki’s head* …Do I really need to say anything…?

Slade: I made 30,000 GP easy!!!

Destaros: *twitching* …Is she gone yet…!?

Marche: POKÉMON!!! *gets hit in the head with a brick*

Hartz: I SAID SHUT THE F**K UP!!!

Squall: …Whatever…

Zero: *holding his cards* My cards… My precious cards… No one can take them from me…

Ouka: …Uh, Zero?

Zero: AAAAHHHH!!!! STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!!

Ouka: …

Rena: …I think Moonstone’s brain melted from my Jack-Sparrow-speak…

Moonstone: *in the fetal position near the buffet table* Savvy… Savvy… Savvy… GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!

Haseo: I spent the entire day being chased by people who are either obsessed with me, hate my guts, or BOTH!!!! You call that a party?!?

Voice: …I bet if the Powerpuff Girls Z were chasing you, you’d think otherwise… Hehehe…

Haseo: …Kiss my ass, Voice…

*suddenly, a blond Edge Punisher dressed in black walks up to Voice*

: Hey… Did I miss the party?

Voice: Yup! Sorry, buddy!

: …Damn.

Squall: *eye twitches*

Atoli: …Uh, Squall? What’s wrong?

*suddenly, Squall draws his bayonet and attacks the Punisher*

Squall: I’LL KILL YOU!!!!

: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!! WHAT’D I DO?!?!?

Squall: YOU ARE THE SOURCE OF MY MISERY!!!!!

All: …

Endrance: …Voice… Get us outta here before Squall starts cannibalizing the new guy…

Voice: …Gladly… *snaps fingers*

*everyone is transported back to the house*

Voice: Well… I guess this is it… You’ll probably wanna get your things before you leave, huh…?

All: …What things?

Voice: …Oh, yeah. Well… *sigh* …Have a good one. *vanishes*

Sakubo: (Bo) You know… Even though we were forced to stay here against our will… I’m gonna miss this place… It has that lived-in feeling, y’know?

Ovan: Of course it has that lived-in feeling… We lived in it…

Sakubo: (Bo) …Go to hell, Ovan…

Ovan: (Why does everyone keep saying that?!?!?)

Rena: So, what’ll you guys do now?

Destaros: What else? Enjoy the game like it’s supposed to be enjoyed. And I have months of playing to catch up on!

*everyone gathers around the Chaos Gate*

Ouka: …I guess this is goodbye…

Slade: Looks like it.

Marche: No. Not “goodbye”. Just…“until we meet again”.

Hartz: Jeez, Marche, that must be the cheesiest thing you ever said.

Marche: Shut up, Hartz! I just said what I felt!

Squall: …Well, later… *gates out*

Rena: Yup! See ya on the other side! *gates out*

*the housemates all gate out of the area one-by-one, until just Haseo, Atoli, and Lawliet are left*

Atoli: Later, Lawliet! It’s been fun! Haseo! Be sure to invite me on adventures, okay? *gates out*

Haseo: Pffff! Yeah, right!

*Haseo and Lawliet take one last look at the mansion*

Haseo: …Six whole seasons…

Lawliet: …Time sure does fly, doesn’t it…?

Haseo: Yup… You thinking what I’m thinking?

Lawliet: …Hell yes.

*Haseo and Lawliet burn down the mansion*

Haseo: SO LONG, HOUSE FROM HELL!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Lawliet: Hehehe… Well, Haseo, it’s been real.

Haseo: Right. See ya ‘round.

*Lawliet motions a two-finger salute to Haseo as he gates out*

Haseo: …

*Haseo looks back at the mansion covered in flames, then lowers his head*

Haseo: …I know you can hear me, Voice… So I just wanna say…

*Haseo suddenly raises his hand, looks up at the sky, and shouts…*

Haseo: …UP YOURS!!! *gates out*

~*~*~*~*~*~*~
One month later…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Announcer: He’s done it!!! Endrance has won back the title of Emperor of the Demon Palace!

Endrance: …Heh.

Bordeaux: …D-Damn… Where the hell did that move come from…!?

*Mia purrs as she rests on Endrance’s shoulder*

Bordeaux: Gah!!! That purring is getting on my nerves!!!

*Bordeaux jumps up and attempts to attack Mia*

Bordeaux: YOU STUPID CAT!!!!

*suddenly, Mia jumps off Endrance’s shoulder and attacks Bordeaux*

Bordeaux: AAAHHH!!! Get it off!!! Get it off, get it off, get it off!!!

Endrance: Hehehe…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*in the Hulle Granz Cathedral…*

Ovan: …

*Ovan runs his hand across the Sign on the altar*

Ovan: …

*suddenly, Azure Kite appears and draws the Twin Fangs of the Empty Skies*

Azure Kite: Grrrrrrrraaaaaahhhhhhh…

Ovan: *smirk* …So, you want your ass beat again, huh? *unlocks metal arm* BRING IT ON, BITCH!!!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*Lawliet walks on the bridge in Mac Anu’s Alchemy District*

Lawliet: *whistling* Hmm?

*suddenly, he encounters R:1 Lawliet*

R:1 Lawliet: …

R:2 Lawliet: …Let me guess… You want revenge?

R:1 Lawliet: …

R:2 Lawliet: …Alright… Let’s take this somewhere less crowded…

*in a generic field-type area, R:1 Lawliet draws his dual lances and R:2 Lawliet draws his guitar*

R:1 Lawliet: …

R:2 Lawliet: …Let’s do it…

Both: HYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*in Dol Dona…*

Destaros: Step right up, ladies and gentlemen! See the wonder of the two-faced Shadow Warlock! It’s a boy one minute, a girl the next! Innocent child with multiple personalities or a weird kid with a dark secret? YOU DECIDE!!!

Sakubo: (Saku) Hehehe… I’m famous! *twitch* (Bo) No, you’re not! I am! *twitch* (Saku) No, I am!!! *twitch* (Bo) No, me!!! *twitch* (Saku) Me!!! *twitch* (Bo) ME!!!!!

PC’s: *laughing*

Destaros: (Hehehe… This was the best idea I’ve ever had…)

Sakubo: (Saku) This is boring… I’m gonna go get some lunch… *logs out*

Destaros: HEY!!! Get back here!!! I’m making a fortune off of you!!!

PC 1: Hey, where’d the Warlock go!?

PC 2: We wanna see more!

Destaros: Uh-oh…

PC 3: Rip-off artist! I want my money back!

Destaros: (Note to self: Kill Sakubo…)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*in a live Crimson VS area in Lumina Cloth…*

Ouka: Whoo-hoo! That’s 20 games in a row!

Zero: …One more game…

Ouka: Uh… But, Zero, you only have one deck left…

Zero: I SAID, ONE MORE GAME, DAMMIT!!!!!

Ouka: Eeeep!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Squall: Okay! We’ve exceeded 30 hits! Time for the Rengeki Finish!

Rena: I’m all over it! Twin Moons!!!

*Rena destroys a monster and levels up*

Rena: Whoo! That’s 5 level-ups in just 10 minutes!

Roux Kazuki: …Yeah, lucky you… HOW COME YOU DON’T REVIVE ME WHEN I DIE!?!?!?

Squall: …‘Cuz I don’t know Rip Maen…

Roux Kazuki: THEN USE A REVIVAL MEDICINE!!!

Squall: …I don’t have any…

Roux Kazuki: o.0 …C.ockbag…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*in Mac Anu’s Harbor District…*

Arkyron: SPREAD THE WORD OF TRI-EDGE!!! BELIEVE IN THE ALMIGHTY AZURE FLAME AND YOU TOO SHALL BE SAVED!!! THEN PKED!!!

PC 1: Who the hell is that guy?

PC 2: Yeah, and who’s Tri-Edge?

PC 1: Some event character maybe?

Arkyron: HEY, YOU!!!

PC 1: Uh…! W-Who, me?

Arkyron: YES, YOU!!! DO YOU NOT WISH TO BE SAVED?!? THE POWER OF TRI-EDGE COMPELS YOU!!!

PC 1: Uh… No thanks, I’m good…

Arkyron: PRAISE TRI-EDGE!!!

PC 2: …Let’s get out of here…

PC 1: …Right behind ya…

Arkyron: THE GLORY OF TRI-EDGE BE WITH YOU!!!!!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Marche: Okay! I’m ready!

Ritz: It’s about damn time! We’ve been waiting for over a half-hour!

Marche: Sorry… I was putting some stuff in storage back at the @home…

Montblanc: Whatever… Let’s just start the adventure! *kupo*

Marche: OKAY!!! This time, I’ll lead! *bumps into the Chaos Gate* OW!!!

Ritz: *sigh* I’ll enter the area words…

*the three warp to a dungeon-like area*

Marche: Okay! Ultima Knights, move out!

*three seconds later, Marche gets flattened by a boulder*

Marche: …Ow…

Montblanc: …Oh, Marche…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dekar: Om…

Slade: …

Dekar: Om…

Slade: …

Dekar: Om…

Slade: …COME ON ALREADY!!! I’ve been sitting here forever!!!

Dekar: Shhhh! You can’t rush the magic of necromancy!

Slade: …More like “emomancy”… Hehehe…

Dekar: SILENCE!!!

Slade: *sigh*

Dekar: Om…

*suddenly, the ground starts to vibrate*

Slade: Ooh! Something’s happening!

*then, the earth splits in half and Cernunnos emerges*

Slade: …Oh, hell no…!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Haseo: Okay, let’s see… Kuhn? No, he’ll just run off to flirt with girls… Silabus? No, he’s too much of a suck-up… Alkaid? Oh, f**k no! *sigh* I guess I have no choice…

*Haseo sends Atoli an invite, and she logs in seconds later*

Atoli: HASEO!!!! YOU KEPT YOUR PROMISE!!!! *glomps Haseo*

Haseo: *sarcastically* …Hey, Atoli… Good to see ya…

Hartz: Hi, Atoli! I guess we’ll be adventuring together today, huh?

Atoli: C’mon, c’mon! Let’s go to a field now!

Hartz: …Oh, yeah, sure! Just ignore me! Why not just rip my heart out, Atoli?!?

Atoli: Huh? You say something, Hartz?

Hartz: …No…

Haseo: Would you get off so I can access the Chaos Gate?!?

Atoli: Oops! Sorry!

Haseo: *sigh* …Okay, I’ve entered the words. Get ready to warp.

*Haseo, Atoli, and Hartz warp to a field-type area, where they immediately run into the area boss*

Haseo: *draws dual pistols* LET’S DO IT!!! HYAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!

.hax//WTF
THE END!

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