Episode 3 (Part 3 of 4)*in the waiting room…*
Voice: Good work, bitches! We have the crowd eating out of the palm of our hands!
Haseo: …Don’t you mean
your hands?
Voice: But of course!
Haseo: That figures…
Voice: Now then--
BlackEcho: Hold on, Voice! Where’s everybody else? There’s only about half of us here.
Mia: Yeah, I’ve been wondering about that too. During the intermission, I was talking to Ciege when he suddenly vanished before my eyes.
Voice: Oh, yes. About that… Kite, Arkyron, Ciege, Marche, Ovan, and Destaros all lost, so that immediately eliminated them from the tournament. I sent them all back to the house, where they’ll most likely watch the remainder of the tournament on television.
*meanwhile, at the house…*
Arkyron: Okay!! Who do you think will win the tournament!? Taking all bets!!
Kite: Put me down for 2000 on Dekar!!
Destaros: My money’s on Lawliet!!
Ciege: C’MON, OVAN!! QUIT HOGGING THE POPCORN!!!
Ovan: Piss off!!
Marche: *sobbing* …Pixi Stix…
Voice: …Anyway, I guess I should let you see who you’ll be facing in Round 2… *snaps fingers*
Haseo: …You have GOT to be kidding me…
Lawliet: HAHAHAHA!!! Haseo’s facing Atoli!!!
Haseo: You’re hardly one to talk, Lawliet. Take a look…
Lawliet: Huh? …Aw, man! I gotta wait until the Semifinals before I fight again!?!? That sucks!!! I need to bash someone’s face in with my guitar!!!
Slade: So, I face Dekar next, huh?
Dekar: Ha! This is gonna be even faster than the last match!
Slade: Yeah, keep thinking that, emo…
Dekar: STOP CALLING ME THAT!!!
Slade: Dekar, we had a 30-minute intermission, and you spent those minutes cutting yourself and screaming “I hate myself”, “I hate the world”, and “I wonder what the cast of ‘Friends’ is doing now?”!!
Dekar: ………What’s your point?
Slade: My point: You’re emo. Accept it and move on.
BlackEcho: Looks like I face Mia. Hmm… Why does that name sound so familiar?
Mia: Uh…Hi? I’m standing right here!
BlackEcho: *ignoring Mia* I
know I’ve heard that name somewhere before…
Mia: Aw, forget it.
*Voice snaps his fingers again and the chart disappears just in time for Atoli to enter*
Atoli: I was in the bathroom!! What’d I miss?
Everyone: ………Nothing.
*moments later…*
Voice: …And we’re back!! Looks like things are really heating up now, folks!! In light of this, I present to you two surprise guest commentators!
Balmung: WHAZZUP, Y’ALL!?!?
Orca: Azure O and B-Money representin’ the D.O.F.!!**
*crowd cheers*
*in the waiting room…*
Lawliet: What the f**k!?!? I thought I got rid of those clowns!!
Slade: Apparently, the Voice brought them back for this occasion…
Lawliet: GRAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! I F**KING HATE THOSE GUYS!!!!
Voice: So, Balmung--
Balmung: Dat’s B-Money, fool!! Betta recognize!!
Orca: Word!!
Voice: …Right, so… “B-Money”… How’s it feel to be a commentator for this momentous event?
Balmung: It’s tight, V-dawg!
Voice: …Call me “V-dawg” again, and I’m throwing you from this booth…
Orca: Damn, fool, don’t be hatin’!
Balmung: Yeah, dawg, don’t be hatin’! We just keepin’ it real!
Voice: (…What kind of horror have I unleashed?)
Balmung: Oh! I’d like to give a shout-out to my homegirl Helba who’s kickin’ it in Mac Anu! Whazzup, Helba!?
Orca: Holla!!
Voice: …Oooookay… O-On to Round 2!!
*crowd cheers louder*
Voice: Let’s get the first fight started right away!!
*Haseo and Atoli appear in the arena*
Atoli: Oh! Haseo! What are you doing here? Are you here to watch me fight?
Haseo: …No…
Atoli: So, who’s my opponent this time!? Is it BlackEcho? I’m ready for him!!!
Haseo: …Atoli…
Atoli: Yes?
Haseo: You and I are fighting…
Atoli: …Oh, I get it!! It’s two-on-two, right?
Haseo: Atoli, try to comprehend what I’m saying to you.
You…and
I…are
fighting…each
other…
Atoli: …
*at the house*
Ovan: 3… 2… 1…
Atoli: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ovan: Yup… Saw that coming…
Atoli: *running around wildly* I can’t be fighting Haseo!! He’s my soul mate!! We were meant to be together!! Besides, if I win, he’ll hate me!! If he wins, he might win the tournament!! And then he’ll gain his freedom!! And then we won’t be together anymore!! I can’t let that happen!! I won’t let that happen!! AAAAHHHH!!!!
Haseo: Alright! That’s it! Time to end this once and for all!
*Haseo walks up to Atoli*
Atoli: *still babbling nonsense*
Haseo: (I can’t believe I’m about to do this…)
*Haseo grabs Atoli’s face, draws her in close, and kisses her*
Atoli: !!!!
*everything falls deathly silent; the jaws of everyone watching hang wide open*
Orca: Ooh, yeah!!
Balmung: Go, Haseo! It’s yo’ birthday! We gonna party like it’s yo’ birthday!
*Haseo pulls away from Atoli*
Atoli: … *faints*
Haseo: *wipes his lips clean with sleeve* There. She’ll be out for at least four hours.
Voice: U-Uh… S-Since Atoli is unable to battle, the winner is… H-Haseo!!
*crowd cheers*
*at the house*
Destaros: AN ATOLI-LOVER WALKS AMONG US!!!!
Ciege: Damn… Talk about taking one for the team…
Ovan: (Bold maneuver, Haseo… Plain stupid, but bold…)
Kite: …Guys! Ovan’s thinking about Ryoko again!
Arkyron: Should I get the anesthesia?
Ovan: (…I’m surrounded by f**king idiots…)
Marche: *sobbing* …Pixi Stix…
*Haseo warps to the waiting room*
BlackEcho: Wow, Haseo! I didn’t know you had it in you!
*Haseo holds BlackEcho up by his collar*
BlackEcho: Eeeep!
Haseo: Mouthwash…! Now…!
*BlackEcho gives Haseo a bottle of Listerine, which he proceeds to drink furiously*
Mia: I wonder what the Voice thought of your little…display…
*in the announcer’s booth*
Voice: I think I’m gonna be ill… *gags* Balmung…take over for a while… *dashes to the bathroom*
Balmung: Kick-ass!! *jumps into the main announcer’s chair* Aiight, y’all!! Time for the second battle!! Holla!!
*BlackEcho and Mia appear in the arena*
BlackEcho: Huh?! Wait!! Now I know!!
Mia: W-What? Know what?
BlackEcho: I used to have a friend named Mia! And you look just like her!! AND you have the same name!!
Mia: Uh… You’re weird…
*in the waiting room…*
Slade: He couldn’t possibly be THAT stupid, could he!?
BlackEcho: IMPOSTER!!!
Dekar: …He could…
Mia: I don’t know what you’re getting at, you weirdo, but that’s not stopping me from winning this fight!!
*BlackEcho and Mia both draw their swords*
Orca: It’s on now!!
BlackEcho: HAAAAAAA!!!!
*BlackEcho swings his sword in a circular motion, unleashing crescent moons of energy at Mia*
Mia: Nice try!! *jumps over the energy crescents* Rue Kruz!
BlackEcho: Heh!
*instead of being struck by the geyser, BlackEcho rides the geyser up into the air*
BlackEcho: I have you now!
Mia: Oops! *draws blade*
*BlackEcho and Mia clash blades in midair; crowd cheers loudly*
Balmung: Oh, snap! These two are droppin’ it like it’s hot!
*meanwhile, Lawliet sneaks up on the announcer’s booth*
Lawliet: …
*Haseo suddenly comes up to Lawliet and holds him back*
Haseo: Forget about it, Lawliet! They’re not worth it!
Lawliet: NO!!! LET ME GO!!! THE GANGSTA-NESS MUST DIE!!!
*BlackEcho and Mia continue to clash swords with each other; they back off momentarily to catch their breath*
BlackEcho: You’re pretty good…
Mia: So are you… *raises blade* But I’m still gonna win!
BlackEcho: We’ll see about that!
*BlackEcho and Mia charge at each other*
Slade: This might be it!!
Mia: Gan--
*BlackEcho and Mia crash in a cloud of smoke*
Everyone: …
*BlackEcho and Mia stand back-to-back holding their blades*
Everyone: …
Mia: …
BlackEcho: … *gasp* *collapses*
*crowd cheers*
Orca: And it’s all over but the cryin’, y’all! The winnah is B-Echo!!!
*at the house*
Arkyron: …Did anyone else follow that? I think I missed it…
Ovan: I believe I can shed some light on this…
Kite: Oh, boy… Here comes another drawn-out explanation courtesy of Ovan…
Ovan: You remember just a few seconds ago when BlackEcho and Mia were charging at each other? Well, just before their two blades could connect, Mia cast a spell – a Gan Bolg, to be exact. A small rock pillar rose up from the ground in BlackEcho’s path, causing him to stumble. Not expecting this, BlackEcho swung his blade too early, allowing Mia to strike him effortlessly.
Destaros: Wow…
Kite: Know-it-all… *gets shot*
Ovan: Why don’t you lie down, Kite? It’ll do you good…
Marche: *sobbing* …Pixi Stix…
Ciege: Marche, would you PLEASE shut the hell up!?
Marche: Pixi Stix… *sobbing*
Ciege: That’s it! I’m getting the bat!
*Mia returns to the waiting room*
Mia: Well, that was easy…
*Voice returns to the announcer’s booth*
Voice: Ugh… Huh? HEY!! I said you could take over, not sit in my chair!!
Balmung: Tough luck, sucka! My seat now!!
Orca: Ooh! Buuuuurn!!
Voice: *eye twitches* *snaps fingers*
*Lawliet appears in the announcer’s booth*
Voice: They’re all yours…
Lawliet: WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! BLOODSHED!!!!!
Balmung/Orca: OH, SNAP!!!
Voice: This scene may be a bit graphic for you folks at home, so…
~CENSORED~
Lawliet: KABONG!!!!!!
Balmung: IT HURTS LIKE A THOUSAND NEEDLES!!!!!
Orca: I’M BEING BEATEN WITH MY OWN SPINE!!!!!
~CENSORED~
Voice: …Thank you…
Lawliet: I live to please!! …And to kill…
Voice: Well then, since I’m back in control of the booth, let’s move on to the last fight of Round 2!!
*Dekar and Slade appear in the arena*
Slade: YES!!! I finally get to battle!!
Dekar: Yeah, too bad it won’t be for long!!
Voice: Ready… FIGHT!!!
Slade: KYAAAAAA!!!!!
*Slade charges in at Dekar*
Dekar: Pffff! I’ve seen this tired strategy before!!
*with a motion of his hand, Dekar summons undead PCs*
Slade: I thought you’d do that! So, I came prepared!!
*in a short burst of light, Slade generates a clone of himself*
Dekar: What the F**K?!?
*at the house…*
Marche: *with a bat wedged in his head* Since when could Slade multiply!?
Ovan: He didn’t multiply…
Ciege: What do you mean?
Ovan: It’s a good thing we have TiVo… Arkyron, rewind!
*Slade’s technique is played back in slow motion*
*in one frame, Slade stands in one spot; in another frame, Slade stands in another spot*
Ovan: You see? That’s not a clone. Slade’s just moving at lightning speed.
Kite: Arky!! I wanna change my bet!! Put my 2000 on Slade!!
*Slade strikes the PCs down one-by-one and draws closer to Dekar*
Dekar: AAAHHH!!!
*Dekar summons more PCs, but they’re destroyed even before they rise out of the ground*
Dekar: Dammit!! I can’t summon fast enough-- GAAHH!!
*Slade and his “double” slash through Dekar and he falls to his knees*
Slade: Is that all you’ve got!?!? I expected a challenge out of you!
Dekar: I’m…not done… HAH!!!
*Dekar summons an undead PC larger than the others*
PC: GRAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Slade: Still got some tricks left, huh? Well, so do I!
*the PC swings its Edge Punisher broadsword downward at Slade*
Slade: Too slow!
*Slade jumps away and comes back, thrusting his sword through the PC’s stomach*
PC: GRRAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!
*the PC disintegrates to dust*
Slade: Anything else!?
Dekar: Grrrr… Alright, fine! If that’s the way you want it…!
*Dekar slits his wrists*
Slade: Dammit, Dekar!! Now’s not the time to show off your emo-ness!!
Dekar: Hehehehe… Who’s showing off?
Slade: Huh?
*Dekar waves his arms in front of him, splattering his wrist blood on the ground*
Slade: Oh, what now!?
Dekar: Just watch!!
*Dekar then takes out the Scythe of Woton*
Slade: That’s…definitely
not a table knife on a stick…
Dekar: SHAAAAAAA!!!!
*with the scythe, Dekar punctures the ground where his blood was splattered*
Dekar: O GODDESS OF THE UNDERWORLD, ACCEPT THIS BLOOD OFFERING AND TAKE THIS WRETCHED SOUL INTO THY UNHOLY EMBRACE!!!
*the ground around the hole where Dekar’s scythe struck starts to crack and the earth begins to tremble*
Dekar: You thought my Duskcrawler was scary!? You haven’t seen “scary”! Behold…
*a giant grotesque humanoid emerges from the ground, letting out a shrill shriek*
Dekar: …the mighty Queen of the Dead!! BLOOD CELESTE!!!
*Blood Celeste looks down upon Slade*
Celeste:
Blood… Give me…your blood…*at the house…*
Kite: Arky!! 2000 on Dekar!!
Arkyron: MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND, KITE!!!
Slade: Tch!
*Blood Celeste bears her fangs at Slade and attempts to devour him*
Celeste:
BLOOD!!!*upon jumping away from Celeste’s attempt, Slade runs away*
Slade: Catch me if you can, you ugly sleeper!!
Celeste:
BLOOD!!!!*with her snake-like body, Celeste chases Slade around the arena*
Dekar: There is no escape from the Queen of the Dead!!!
*Celeste corners Slade*
Celeste:
GIVE ME YOUR BLOOD!!!Slade: Yeah… That’s it… A little closer…
*behind his back, Slade sets his sword on fire with a Vak Don spell*
Celeste:
GRRAAAAHHH!!!Slade: You hungry!? Then eat THIS!!!
*Slade throws the fiery sword into Celeste’s mouth*
Celeste: *choking*
KKKKKAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! *disintegrates into dust*
Slade: Heh…
*crowd cheers*
Voice: Can you believe this, folks!? Dekar’s mightiest summon spell was brought down by a flaming blade!!! What an upset!!
Dekar: B-Blood Celeste… Destroyed… It can’t be… *falls to his knees*
*Dekar looks up when Slade rests his blade on Dekar’s shoulder*
Slade: Hey, D… What do you say?
Dekar: Grrrr… I surrender…
Voice: WINNER: SLADE!!!
*crowd cheers even louder*
Kite: Dammit!! I’m out 2000 GP!!
Arkyron: Haha!! Pay up, bitch!!
Kite: Uh… I’ll have it tomorrow?
Arkyron: *takes out crowbar* Care to repeat that…?
Kite: Eeeep!
Voice: That brings us to the end of Round 2!! We’ll now take a 45-minute intermission before the start of the Semifinals!!
*Atoli, BlackEcho, and Dekar are transported to the WTF house*
BlackEcho: Hey…
Dekar: We’re back…
Atoli: *still out cold*
BlackEcho: *carrying Atoli* What do I do with this thing?
Ciege: Oh, that? Just dump it outside.
BlackEcho: Meh… *drops Atoli outside and walks into the house*
Dekar: Marche… Why do you have a bat lodged in your head?
Marche: ‘Cuz life’s a bitch, Dekar…
*in the waiting room…*
Voice: Well done, bitches! We’ve reached the Semifinals!
Haseo: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Who’re we facing?
Voice: Hmph. *snaps fingers*
Haseo: So now I face Mia, huh? Don’t expect me to go easy on you!
Mia: Oh, please! You’d be lucky to even touch me!
Lawliet: …
Slade: What’s the matter, Lawliet? You scared to fight me?
Lawliet: No… I was just wondering which of your organs I should rip out first…
Voice: Ooh, I just love pre-fight trash talk!!
*45 minutes later…*
Voice: AAAAAAAAAND we’re back, folks!!! We now take you to the Semifinal Round!! In arena 1, we have the notorious Terror of Death, Haseo, facing off against the battle diva herself, Mia!!!
Haseo: Heh!
Mia: “Battle Diva”… I like that…
Voice: And in arena 2, it’s the PKer-turned-performer Lawliet versus the king of velocity, Slade!!!
Lawliet: *strums guitar* Ku…
*girls in the crowd scream*
Slade: Ever the ladies’ man, eh, L?
Voice: LET THE SEMIFINAL ROUND BEGIN!!!!
*Arena 1*
Haseo: Watch! This is gonna be over in a second!
Mia: Just try it!!
Haseo: HYAAAAAAAA!!!! *dashes at Mia at full speed*
Mia: Typical male brute force…! Gan Bolg!
*Mia creates a rock pillar on the ground like she did with BlackEcho, but instead of stumbling, Haseo uses the pillar as a stepping stone to leap into the air*
Haseo: Take this!!
Mia: Uh-oh…!
*Arena 2*
*Lawliet fends off “five” Slades simultaneously*
Slade 1: Getting tired, Lawliet?
Slade 2: Huh, Lawliet?
Slade 3: Well?
Slade 4: You’re lookin’ pretty tuckered out there, L…
Slade 5: Am I right, Lawliet?
Lawliet: You talk too much…
*Lawliet spins around rapidly, blowing Slade away*
Slade: Tch! Lucky shot!
Lawliet: *sarcastically* Uh-huh…
Slade: Rue Rom! *generates a waterfall to drop onto Lawliet*
Lawliet: Haha… *vanishes in the waterfall*
Slade: Huh!? Where’d you go?!?
Lawliet: As Ovan would say, I’m closer than you think…
Slade: *gasp*
*Slade spins around to his rear, but there was no one there*
Slade: Come out of hiding, L!!!
Lawliet: …You asked for it…!
*Slade looks up, but there was no one there; instead, Slade is caged by giant guitar strings*
Slade: W-What is this!?
*Lawliet reappears in front of Slade outside the cage*
Lawliet: Just a little something I call “Slade’s Demise in F-minor”.
*Lawliet plays a guitar riff; the riff resonates with the cage strings, creating a high-pitched sound*
Slade: *covers his ears* AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!
*Arena 1*
*Haseo and Mia clash swords furiously*
Haseo: CHA!! *backs away to replace dual swords with broadsword*
Mia: Oh, Haseo, you’re making this too easy for me!!
Haseo: Sure, Mia! Keep telling yourself that! *slams broadsword on the ground, making a shockwave*
Mia: Huh? *gets blown away* AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Haseo: Haha!
Mia: Damn…! That shockwave was really fast!
Haseo: Thanks… I try…
Mia: Hmph! *leaps back to her feet* It’s not over yet!!
Haseo: (Huh…Where’ve I heard
that before?)
Mia: YAAAAAAAAAAA--
*Arena 2*
Slade: --AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
*Slade drops down onto Lawliet from above*
Lawliet: Pathetic…
*Lawliet steps to the side and swings his guitar, striking Slade seconds before he hit the ground*
Slade: AAAAAHHHHH!!!! *slams into the arena wall* Oof!!
Lawliet: Had enough yet?
Slade: Not…even…close…!
Lawliet: How disappointing…
Slade: Grrrr… I’ll show you “disappointing”! *vanishes*
Lawliet: Hmm?
Slade: *reappears behind Lawliet* HYAAAAA!!!!
*Lawliet is forced to defend with his guitar; Slade cuts through all the guitar’s strings*
Lawliet: *drops to his knees* Carmelita!!!
Slade: …You named your guitar “Carmelita”?
Lawliet: Yes! For example, I called my Lord Partizan lances “Ebony” and “Ivory”!
Slade: …That’s more information than I need… Anyway, looks like you won’t be able to play any more music!! Hah!!
*girls in the crowd start to boo and hiss at Slade*
Slade: What!? WHAT?!? This is an arena, not a f**king concert hall!!
*girls in the crowd continue to boo and hiss*
Slade: Oh, forget it! It’s time I finished this anyway! …Huh?
*Lawliet glares at Slade with Tri-Edge-like eyes*
Slade: …L?
*at the house…*
Ciege: Uh-oh…
BlackEcho: “Uh-oh”? What “uh-oh”?
Ciege: That look in Lawliet’s eyes… I’ve only seen it once before…
Marche: When was that?
Ciege: It was a while ago, when he was still the Sin of Shadows… I don’t know what happened that made him so pissed, but when it happened, he PKed over 100 players in under an hour…
Dekar: Damn…
Slade: Uh… Lawliet?
Lawliet: *low-pitched groan* …Kabong…
Slade: I don’t like the looks of this!
*Arena 1*
*Haseo and Mia continue their blade clash*
Haseo: Heh!
*Haseo uses his foot to trip Mia, then knock her to the ground*
Mia: Oof!
Haseo: *backing off* Give up already!
Mia: Never…!
*Mia stands up and shakes her blade several times*
Haseo: What are you doing…?
*Mia’s blade eventually breaks up into several fragments, each fragment connected by a thin chain*
Haseo: What the hell!?
Mia: Did I forget to mention my class change to Whiplash Breeder?
Haseo: Tch!
Mia: TAKE THIS!!!
*Arena 2*
Slade: Calm down, Lawliet!!!
Lawliet: Kabong…
*Lawliet chases Slade around the arena; every time he strikes with his guitar, it leaves a small crater*
Slade: Ah, jeez!!
*Lawliet swings his guitar again*
Slade: (There!) Rue Zot!!
*Slade uses an icy water spell to freeze Lawliet’s guitar in place*
Slade: Hah!! Now you’re unarmed!!
Lawliet: … *glaring at Slade*
Slade: Hmm?
Lawliet: …Se…phi…
*Lawliet creates a blinding light similar to that of a summon spell; Slade catches a brief glimpse of a long blade*
Slade: Wha… WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU!?!?
*before Slade knew it, his HP dropped to zero in an instant and the strange monster Lawliet summoned had vanished*
Voice: UNBELIEVABLE!!! Just when Slade had Lawliet on the ropes, Lawliet comes back with a mystery spell and completely wipes him out!! This fight is over!!
*crowd cheers loudly; at the house*
Marche: What the hell was that just now!?!?
Ciege: I don’t know!! I’ve never seen anything like that!!
Dekar: Did you guys see that blade!? It was huge!!
Ovan: Hmm?
BlackEcho: What’s up, Ovan?
Ovan: For a second… I could’ve sworn I saw…long white hair…
*Arena 1*
*Mia’s whip-blade is tangled around Haseo’s broadsword*
Haseo: Grrrr…
Mia: Heh… I gotcha now…
Haseo: Tch! I don’t think so!
*Haseo pulls on the sword, drawing Mia in*
Mia: AAAAHHHH!!!!
Haseo: YAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
*Haseo drops his sword and jabs Mia square in the face when she gets close*
Mia: Oof!! *passes out on the ground*
Haseo: *sigh*
Voice: Looks like the second battle is over as well, with Haseo as the victor!! That brings us to the end of the Semifinal Round!!
*crowd cheers loudly*
Voice: We will now take a one-hour intermission as we set up the arena for the FINAL ROUND!!! Stay tuned!!
*at the house*
Arkyron: SO!! Haseo VS Lawliet!! Any final bets?
Kite: 5000 on Haseo!!
Arkyron: You said you had no money left!!
Kite: I don’t… But if Haseo wins, I can pay you back 2000 GP
and get 3000 GP in the process!!
Marche: …What if Haseo loses?
Kite: Marche, don’t ruin my moment…
Ovan: (Hmm… Now you face off against Lawliet… Time to prove your worth, Haseo…)
Destaros: …Guys! Ovan’s doing it again!! *gets shot*
Ovan: That’s REALLY getting old…!
*in the waiting room…*
Haseo: So… It’s you and me, huh?
Lawliet: Yup…
Haseo: Well… Good luck, L!
Lawliet: Tch! Luck is for fools without hope…
Haseo: … (Great… Now’s Lawliet’s becoming emo too…)
Voice: Haseo! Lawliet! Isn’t this momentous!? The final round!!
Haseo: Voice, could you fix Lawliet’s guitar before he bursts a synapse?
Voice: … *snaps fingers*
*the strings on “Carmelita” are repaired*
Lawliet: CARMELITA!!! You’ve returned to your former beauty!!
Haseo: …Music freak…
Voice: I hope you two are well-prepared, ‘cuz now… *snaps fingers*
*Haseo and Lawliet appear in the renovated arena; Voice appears in the announcer’s booth*
Voice: …it’s time for the final round of “Clash of the Housemates”!
*crowd cheers very loudly*
Voice: First up, we have the dark-robed Player Character, Haseo the PKK, also known as the dreaded Terror of Death!! Then we have the ladies’-man-music-man combo known simply as Lawliet, the Flowing Melodist!! These two skilled warriors have endured much to make it this far, but now only one of them shall emerge the champion!! WHO WILL IT BE!?!?
*in the arena*
Haseo: Hey, Lawliet… Try not to cry when I beat your ass, okay?
Lawliet: Hey, Haseo… Why don’t you go f**k yourself?
Voice: Let the final battle begin at last!! Ready? ……FIGHT!!!!
