12 Days of Christmas (.hack)

[Hayate]

A short songfic I wrote about a week before Christmas, but forgot to put up. Threw it together in, like, an hour's time.

The 12 Days of Christmas
~ The .hack Version ~

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On the 12th day of Christmas, <The World> gave to me
12 Grunties grunting…
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*a pair of players is seen being chased through a grassy field by a herd of Grunties*

PC1: I told you we shouldn’t have picked up that Grunty-nip!

PC2: Why would CC Corp. even MAKE that item?!?

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…11 quests for questing…
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*a female player leads a male player around town*

Boy PC: No more… Can’t go on… Can’t feel fingers…

Girl PC: C’mon! The next quest’s a-waiting!

Boy PC: Can’t we take a break!?

Girl PC: *takes out slip of paper* You see this ticket? Huh? It says “good for up to 11 free quests”!

Boy PC: THAT DOESN’T MEAN WE HAVE TO DO THEM ALL AT ONCE!

Girl PC: Quit being such a baby and walk! We still have 5 more quests to go!

Boy PC: …I’m gonna kill you…

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…10 PKers killing…
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*a group of PKers surrounds a pair of players at Atrum Neux’s @home*

PC1: …You just had to piss Beatrice off, didn’t you?

PC2: I didn’t do anything!

PC1: You told her she had a nice rack!

PC2: It was a compliment!!!

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…9 bogus weddings…
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*two PCs take part in the marriage event at Hy Brasail*

Girl PC: *crying* This is the happiest day of my life!

Boy PC: …Somebody shoot me…

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…8 Phases lurking…
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*the Eight Phases of Morganna are seen sitting in a hospital-like waiting room*

Clerk: *holding sign-in sheet* Okay, let’s see… “Magus the Propagator”?

Magus: *stands up* That’s me.

Innis: Good luck, buddy. You’re gonna need it.

Skeith: *shudders* I can still feel the kid’s knife in my eye socket…

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…7 Job Extensions…
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PC1: Check it! *draws weapon* BAM! Scythe, bitch!

PC2: Okay, let me see if I got this straight… Twin Blade, Tribal Grappler, Valiant Archer, Lord Partizan, Steam Gunner, AND Flick Reaper?

PC1: Yup!

PC2: …How has your account not been suspended yet?

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…6 steam bike tune-ups…
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Mechanic: *groan* There! All finished! Happy now!?

PC: Hmm… On second thought, let me see it with that chassis over there.

Mechanic: ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

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…5 Twilight Rings…
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Orca: Soooooooo…it’s a bracelet?

Kite: Yup!

Balmung: …Does it come with matching earrings?

Orca: Hehe… And a handbag?

Balmung: And high-heeled stiletto boots!?

Orca/Balmung: Hahahaha!

Kite: … *raises bracelet*

Orca: Hahahaha…haha…ha… We should start running now, shouldn’t we?

Kite: Oh, yeah.

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…4 keyword sets…
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PC1: Let’s see… Do I go with this Keyword…or this one?

PC2: In the name of all that is holy, just PICK ONE!!!

PC1: Shhh! I’m pondering here!

PC3: …As soon as we get to the field, I say we jump him.

PC2: Agreed.

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…3 Azure Knights…
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Azure Kite: …

Azure Orca: …

Azure Kite: …

Azure Orca: …

Azure Kite: … *blink*

Azure Orca: HAH! I win again!

Azure Kite: DAMMIT!!!

Azure Balmung: That’s 10 wins in a row. What’s your secret?

Azure Orca: Months of practice, “B”! Months of practice! Hahaha!

Azure Balmung: …You lost the ability to blink, didn’t you?

Azure Orca: Yes, and my eyes burn like hell.

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…2 bladed guns…
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Haseo (Xth Form): Haw-haw! I got two guns, and you only got one!

Kuhn: At least I don’t have BUTT PLATES!!!

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…and a guest pass into Moon Tree!
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*a player gates into Moon Tree and meets with Atoli*

Atoli: WELCOME TO MOON TREE!

*10 seconds later…*

PC: …Okay. This place sucks. Leaving now.