Post by Hayate on Dec 18, 2008 20:32:54 GMT -5
.hax//WTF 2.0
Episode 10: Anthology of Randomness II
Scene 1: Hayate VS Kyoko
*Jack Russell walks over to the trashcan and throws some rotten leftovers away*
Trashcan: Hey! Watch where you’re throwing that!
Jack: Sorry. *walks away* … *stops walking* D-Did that trashcan just…say something…!? *looks at garbage can*
Trashcan: …Take a picture; it’ll last longer!
Jack: *gasp* TALKING TRASHCAN!!!!! *runs away*
Neon: *walks up to trashcan and opens lid* …Hayate?
Hayate: Go away, Neon!
Neon: What are you doing in there?
Hayate: Isn’t it obvious?!? I’m hiding!!!
Neon: …From who?
Hayate: From-- *gasp* She’s coming!!! *closes trashcan lid*
Kyoko: *enters* Hey, you!
Neon: Y-Yes, Kyoko?
Kyoko: Where’s that blond kid you’re always talking to?
Neon: You mean Hayate…?
Chibi-Usa: Hi, Hayate! Where’s Neo-niichan?
Hayate: *steps aside* …Right here.
Neon: Dammit, Hayate, that’s not cool!
Neon: … *opens trashcan lid* Right here.
Hayate: GO F**K YOURSELF, NEON!
Kyoko: There you are! *grabs Hayate by the collar and drags him away* I need your help with something!
Hayate: Damn you, Neon, I’ll get you back for this!!!
Neon: Payback’s a bitch, ain’t it, Hayate!? Hahaha!
Chibi-Usa: OH, NEO~NII~CHAN!!!
Neon: …Oh, hell… *hides in trashcan*
*a short time later, Hayate and Kyoko are in the girls’ kitchen*
Hayate: *groan* Alright, what is it THIS time?
Kyoko: It’s my turn to cook dinner, but no one wants to be my taste-tester.
Hayate: What are you making?
Kyoko: Miso stew!
Hayate: … *sigh* Alright, fine, I’ll try it.
*Hayate samples a small spoonful of Kyoko’s stew…*
Hayate: …
Kyoko: Well? How is it?
Hayate: …!!!
*…and falls over unconscious*
Kyoko: Hmm… Maybe too much chili pepper…
*later that day, Vyce and Gwen are having a Crimson VS battle while Hayate watches*
Hayate: I’m not kidding around, man! I think Kyoko’s seriously trying to kill me!
Vyce: …Trying to concentrate here… *places a card down*
Hayate: I mean, it’s one thing one minute, and another thing the next! SHE WON’T LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!
Gwen: *places a card down* Ha! I win again!
Vyce: *bashes head onto the table* …Hayate, if you don’t go away right now, I’m gonna kick your ass…
: HEY, BLONDIE!!!Hayate: Oh, crap! She’s back! *hides under table*
Kyoko: *enters* You guys seen the blond kid?
Vyce/Gwen: … *points under the table*
Kyoko: *pulls Hayate out from under the table by his feet* Gotcha!
Hayate: Dammit, you two are on my list! You hear me!? I’LL GET YOU BACK FOR THIS!!!
Gwen: …So…wanna play again?
Vyce: …I hate this place…
*Kyoko leads Hayate somewhere in the city*
Hayate: Where the hell are you leading me?
Kyoko: Just shut up and keep following. …Hey, you!
*Kyoko grabs the attention of a big, burly Flick Reaper PC*
Reaper: Huh? Oh, hey, babe. You change your mind?
Kyoko: I said you were gonna pay for disrespecting me, and now you are! My boyfriend here’s gonna beat the crap outta you!
Hayate: BOYFRIEND?!?
Reaper: Oh, he is, huh? *draws scythe* Well, let’s see ya try, pipsqueak!
Hayate: …Aw, jeez…
*Hayate and the Flick Reaper duke it out, but Hayate eventually comes out on top*
Hayate: *panting* …Okay, what the hell was that all about!?
Kyoko: This guy was hitting on me! I ran away before he could peek up my dress!
Hayate: SO WHY GET ME INVOLVED?!?!?
Kyoko: So you would’ve been okay with that guy having his way with me!?
Hayate: YES! …I-I mean, NO! …I-I mean… ARGH!!! Just…stay the hell away from me, alright!? *walks away*
Kyoko: …Hehehe!
*Hayate walks into his room and collapses in his bed*
Hayate: *sigh* …So tired…
*just then, rocks tap lightly as they’re thrown at his window*
Hayate: Hmm? What now? *opens window* …Ren? What’s up?
Ren: Have you seen Kyoko? No one’s seen her for hours.
Hayate: She hasn’t come back?
Ren: Uh-uh. The others are getting worried.
Hayate: *groan* Unbelievable…
*back in the city, Hayate searches for Kyoko; he eventually finds her on a bench in the Chaos Gate Square*
Kyoko: Well, it’s about time you got here!
Hayate: Kyoko, what the hell are you doing? The girls are worried sick about you!
Kyoko: I sprained my ankle on my way back. I couldn’t walk. It wasn’t all bad though; at least I had company.
*the cloaked man from Episode 1 enters*
Cloaked Man: OH ALMIGHTY TRI-EDGE, PURGE THE EVILS THAT PLAGUE THIS GIRL’S ANKLE!!!!!
Kyoko: …He’s been shouting that for the past 2 hours. But once you get past the fake God worship and schizophrenia, he’s not so bad.
Cloaked Man: MAY THE WILL OF TRI-EDGE BE DONE!!!
Hayate: …Let’s get the hell out of here.
Kyoko: Yeah, let’s.
*Hayate carries Kyoko to the house piggyback; several housemates wait outside the house for them*
Hanabi: Heh. Well, look who decided to show up.
Ciel: Hayate and Kyoko sitting in a tree…!
Hayate: You wanna get on my bad side, shortstop!? ‘Cuz it’s a good day to die!
*after Hayate lets Kyoko down, the girls help her inside the girls’ house, letting Hayate return to the boys’ house*
Gilgamesh: …So was the sex good?
Hayate: …Go die.
Scene 2: Manic Monday**
**pun on “Freaky Friday”
*while several housemates watch TV, Jack bursts in with a strange-looking idol in his hands*
Jack: Hey, guys! Look what I found!
Kyuzo: …Oh, great. More junk. For God’s sake, Jack, if you’re gonna bring stuff into the house, why not bring in hookers!?
Kaga: Hmm… Jack, where’d you find that idol?
Jack: In the backyard, where I find all my treasures!
Vyce: …That explains a lot…
Kaga: I have a bad feeling about that thing, Jack. You might’ve disturbed a sacred burial site when you dug it up. I think you should get rid of it.
Jack: …But…it’s cool…
Nue: …It’s junk.
Jack: Awww… I wanna keep it…
All: GET RID OF IT!!!
Jack: NO!!!
*the boys pounce on Jack simultaneously*
Gilgamesh: Shirou, get his arms! I’ll get his legs!
Kyuzo: …Got it! *runs over to the trashcan and tosses idol out*
Jack: WAAAAAH!!!
Neon: Aw, cheer up, Jack… You’ll forget all about that idol in, like, 5 seconds.
Jack: …What idol?
Vyce: Well! Looks like our work here is done!
*hours later, the boys go to sleep; in the trashcan, the idol’s eyes are seen glowing ominously; the next morning, Kyuzo(?) wakes up in his bed*
(Kyuzo): *loud yawn**when he goes to the bathroom, he washes his face and looks at himself in the mirror*
(Kyuzo): …Hmm? Hey, Ayliori, what are you doing in my bathroom? …Huh?*as he does several bodily movements, Kyuzo discovers…*
Ayliori (Kyuzo): HOLY F**KING ASS CRACKERS!!![/i]
*…that he was now in Ayliori’s body*
Ayliori (Kyuzo): *storms out of the bathroom* EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! WAKE THE F**K UP, Y’ALL!
*Jack(?) walks out into the hallway, rubbing his eyes*
(Jack): *yawn* What’s for breakfast?Ayliori (Kyuzo): Jack, I’m gonna freakin’ kick your ass!!!
(Gilgamesh): *pops in* What’s with all the damn noise!? I’m trying to sleep here!Ayliori (Kyuzo): Gilgamesh, look down!
(Gilgamesh): …Hmm?*Gilgamesh(?) looks down to discover he now had blue hair and breasts*
Maryn (Gilgamesh): …Whoa… I’m never eating week-old pizza before bed again…
*just then, the boys would hear a series of girly screams coming from next door*
Maryn (Gilgamesh): The hell was that!?
Ayliori (Kyuzo): My guess…? Our ‘other halves’ just woke up…
*several minutes later, the body-swapped housemates assemble in the boys’ living room; Kyuzo had switched bodies with Ayliori, Jack had switched bodies with Gwen, Gilgamesh with Maryn, Shirou with Saber, Neon with Chibi-Usa, Kaga with Ren, Vyce with Ciel, and Nue with Paris*
Jack (Gwen): Would anyone care to tell me what the f**k is going on?!?
Ayliori (Kyuzo): Duh! We switched bodies! What’s it look like!?
Jack (Gwen): Don’t screw with me today, Kyuzo! I’m boiling over with testosterone, and I’m NOT enjoying it!
Maryn (Gilgamesh): *playing with his breasts* Hehehe…
Gilgamesh (Maryn): Gilgamesh, you do anything with my body you might regret, I’ll make your life a living hell, so help me God!!!
Neon (Chibi-Usa): *glomps Neon* WAAAAAH!!! I’M SCARED, NEO-NIICHAN!!!
Chibi-Usa (Neon): Agh…! Usa-chan, your body has a small neck…! I can’t breathe…!
Ayliori (Kyuzo): *sigh* Alright, Kaga, start spouting smart crap before I strangle myself.
Ren (Kaga): Hmm… The only logical explanation for this is that when Jack dug up that idol, he incurred the wrath of some ancient curse, causing our bodies to switch.
Vyce (Ciel): Hey! Everyone else here got switched boy-to-girl! How come I’m still in a guy’s body!?
Ciel (Vyce): …Too easy.
Kyuzo (Ayliori): Well, alright then! We put the idol back where Jack found it, we return to our original bodies! Simple as that!
*when the group goes to the backyard, they find dozens of holes that Jack dug*
Shirou (Saber): …Jack, you have GOT to get a new hobby.
Paris (Nue): …Sacre bleu.
Nue (Paris): Oh, don’t you start!
Saber (Shirou): It’ll take all day to find the right hole!
Ren (Kaga): *sigh* I’ll help Jack find the correct burial site. The rest of you can go about your daily business for the time being.
Shirou (Saber): Very well. Good luck.
*the others go back inside, leaving Kaga alone with Jack*
Ren (Kaga): …Alright. Let’s get to work.
Gwen (Jack): Yay! More digging!
Ren (Kaga): …I hate my life…
*in the girls’ kitchen, Neon holds up a box of pancake mix*
Chibi-Usa (Neon): Okay… Pancakes… Easy enough.
*in under three minutes, Neon creates a stove fire*
Chibi-Usa (Neon): Aw, crap! Mary-- I mean, Gilgamesh! Come quick!
Maryn (Gilgamesh): *enters* …What’s up?
Chibi-Usa (Neon): Use your water magic to put out the fire!
Maryn (Gilgamesh): …I don’t know any--
Chibi-Usa (Neon): You’re in Maryn’s body! Of course you do!
Maryn (Gilgamesh): …Oh, yeah… Okay, stand back!
*Gilgamesh draws Maryn’s microphone, takes a deep breath…and starts screeching into the mic*
Chibi-Usa (Neon): *plugs ears* OH, DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN!!!!![/i]
*despite Gilgamesh’s horrible singing voice, the stove fire is put out*
Chibi-Usa (Neon): *sigh* You may have Maryn’s body, but you sure as hell don’t have her voice…
Maryn (Gilgamesh): Bite me.
*meanwhile, Ayliori enters Kyuzo’s room, where she’s met with a horrible odor*
Kyuzo (Ayliori): UGH!!! *plugs nostrils* What is that stench!? Look at all this! Rotten food! Dirty clothes! How can Kyuzo live like this!?
*Ayliori spends the next half hour cleaning Kyuzo’s room*
Kyuzo (Ayliori): *sprays air freshener* There! Much better!
Ayliori (Kyuzo): *enters* …My room… My room! WHAT’D YOU DO TO MY ROOM?!?
Kyuzo (Ayliori): I cleaned it! Duh!
Ayliori (Kyuzo): *collapses to knees* NOOOOO!!!!! You’ve soiled my ‘fortress of manly-tude’ with…feather dusters and Windex! And that! What’s that in the wall socket!? Is that a f**kin’ Air Wick!?
Kyuzo (Ayliori): Oh, come on! You’re overreact--
Ayliori (Kyuzo): GET OUT!!! GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!!
Kyuzo (Ayliori): …Whatever… Freak… *leaves*
Ayliori (Kyuzo): *sobs* It smells so…girly in here! The girly-ness must die!!!
*meanwhile, in the front yard…*
Shirou (Saber): Shirou, please! Control yourself!
Saber (Shirou): *wielding Excalibur* I gotta admit, I always imagined what it’d be like to wield your sword, Saber! It’s so cool!
Shirou (Saber): Shirou, stop! Don’t swing it so wildly!
Saber (Shirou): Oh, relax, would you? I know exactly what I’m--
*just then, Shirou knocks the Excalibur against a rock, causing it to snap*
Saber (Shirou): …doing?
Shirou (Saber): …
Saber (Shirou): D-Don’t worry, Saber! I can fix it!
*Shirou picks up Excalibur’s other piece and attempts to stick the two halves together…*
Saber (Shirou): I can fix it! I can fix it!
*…but because he was forcing them together so roughly, the two halves turn into three fragments and fall to the ground*
Saber (Shirou): …Okay, maybe I can’t fix it.
Shirou (Saber): …Shirou?
Saber (Shirou): Y-Yeah, Saber?
Shirou (Saber): …Run.
Saber (Shirou): *gulp* Uh-oh… *runs away*
Shirou (Saber): I’LL KILL YOU DEAD, YOU BASTARD!!! *chases after Shirou*
*back in the backyard, Jack drops the idol into a hole and Kaga covers it with soil; nothing happens*
Ren (Kaga): *sigh* That’s the wrong one too…
*just then, some of the other body-swapped housemates joins them outside*
Jack (Gwen): Dammit, Kaga! What’s taking so long!?
Vyce (Ciel): Yeah! How hard can it be to find a stupid hole!?
Ciel (Vyce): …That’s what she--
Vyce (Ciel): Finish that sentence and die.
Ren (Kaga): I’m sorry, guys. But we’ve tried every single hole out here, and nothing’s happened yet.
Ayliori (Kyuzo): Alright, let’s try it this way! *walks up to Jack* Where’d you dig up the idol, Jack!?
Gwen (Jack): In the backyard. *gets punched* OW! …That hurt…
Ayliori (Kyuzo): Where’d you dig up the idol, Jack?!?
Gwen (Jack): In the backyard, like I said! *gets punched* OW!!! You’re hurting me!!!
Ayliori (Kyuzo): WHERE’D YOU DIG UP THE F**KING IDOL, JACK?!?!?[/i]
Kaga (Ren): *sarcastically* …Well, this is working like a charm…
Gilgamesh (Maryn): *groan* Okay, this is getting us nowhere… Gilgamesh, kiss Jack.
Maryn (Gilgamesh): Excuse me!?
Gilgamesh (Maryn): My PC body’s kiss has healing properties. Jack’s having trouble remembering, so kissing him will fix his memory.
Maryn (Gilgamesh): Are you high, woman?!? No way in hell I’m kissing a dude!
Gilgamesh (Maryn): Oh, grow up, would you!? Just give him a little peck on the forehead!
Maryn (Gilgamesh): …Hmph. Fine, fine. But it’s only so I can get back into my own body. *walks up to Jack* And let’s be clear, alright? I only like you as a friend!
*as Gilgamesh kisses Jack’s forehead, a camera can be heard shuttering*
Ciel (Vyce): *holding camera* That’s one for the scrapbook!
Maryn (Gilgamesh): DAMMIT, VYCE!!!
Gwen (Jack): …Hey! I remember now! *points to a tree* It was behind that tree!
*Kaga picks up the idol and runs behind the tree Jack pointed to; on the ground behind it was a hole; Kaga drops the idol into the hole and covers it with soil; in a flash of light, all the body-swapped housemates return to normal*
Ren: Yay! I’m me again!
Ayliori: So am I! Hee-hee!
Neon: Well…after a day like today, I could use some sleep.
Shirou: Hear, hear.
*the next morning, Kyuzo(?) wakes up…*
(Kyuzo): *loud yawn**…goes to the bathroom, washes his face, looks at his reflection in the mirror…*
(Kyuzo): … *gasp**…and finds himself in Hanabi’s body*
Hanabi (Kyuzo): JAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!
Scene 3: Perchance to Dream
*Jack is seen soundly sleeping in his bed*
Jack: *snoring loudly*
*in his Jack’s dream, he’s seen zooming down a steep hill on a steam bike*
Jack: WHOOOOO!!!!! …Uh-oh…
*just then, Jack crashes into a rock, goes flying off the bike…*
Jack: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
*…and his dream self exits the dream and plops down on the bed*
Jack: …What happened? Where am I?
*as he looks at his sleeping self, Jack sees a thought bubble floating above his real self’s head*
Jack: Wow… This is just like that episode of SpongeBob I watched today… Cool!
*exiting his room, Jack wanders into Hayate’s room*
Hayate: *snoring lightly*
*as Hayate sleeps, a thought bubble floats above his head*
Jack: Ooh… Looks like Hayate’s having a dream too…
*hopping onto Hayate’s bed, Jack enters Hayate’s thought bubble and enters his dream; in Hayate’s dream, he’s seen speeding around a racetrack on a steam bike*
Announcer: He’s almost there, folks! Hayate, the fastest steam biker in The World, has almost reached the finish line!
Cheerleaders: HA-YA-TE! HA-YA-TE! HA-YA-TE!
Hayate: Hehehe!
*just then, Jack runs out onto the racetrack*
Hayate: What the f**k?!?
Jack: Hey, Hayate! What’s up?
*Jack being on the track causes Hayate to swerve off the track and crash into bales of hay*
Crowd: *gasp*
Announcer: S-Someone call a medic!
Jack: …Uh-oh… I’d better get out of here before I get in trouble…
*after leaving Hayate’s dream, Jack exits the room and wanders into Ciel’s room*
Ciel: *snoring lightly*
*as Ciel sleeps, a thought bubble floats above his head*
Jack: Ooh… This oughta be funny…
*hopping onto Ciel’s bed, Jack enters Ciel’s thought bubble and enters his dream; in Ciel’s dream, he’s seen as the center of attention in a parade; as Ciel walks through a crowd of people, he’s depicted as having a big, burly PC body with bulging muscles*
Ciel: *with a deep voice* Hey! How’s it goin’? Nice to see ya!
Girls: *sigh* He’s sooooo manly!
Boys: *sobs* …He’s sooooo manly…
Ciel: Hehehe!
Jack: *pops in* Hey, Ciel!
Ciel: Jack? What’re you doing here?
Jack: I’m in your dream! …Huh?
*on Ciel’s shirt, Jack sees a closed air nozzle*
Jack: Hey, Ciel, what’s this?
Ciel: W-Wait! Don’t touch that!
*when Jack tugs at the air nozzle, it opens up and Ciel’s PC body deflates like a balloon, reverting him to his real-life PC body*
Ciel: …Aw, man…
Boy 1: Hey! He’s not manly at all! He’s a GIRL!!!
Crowd: *laughs*
Ciel: … *glares at Jack* Grrrr…
Jack: *sweatdrop* Uh… Oops?
*Ciel draws his anchor and swings it at Jack like a baseball bat, sending him flying out of the dream*
Jack: …Ohhhh… Maybe the girls are having less painful dreams…
*exiting the house, Jack goes over to the girls’ house; the first room he enters is Hanabi’s room; as Hanabi sleeps, a thought bubble floats above her head*
Jack: I wonder what kind of dream Hanabi’s having…
*hopping onto Hanabi’s bed, Jack enters Hanabi’s thought bubble and enters her dream; in Hanabi’s dream, she’s seen fighting off hordes of PCs in the Azure Palace*
Hanabi: C’mon! Gimme a challenge!
Girl PC: She… She’s too strong! We can’t take her!
Jack: Ooh! Looks like a battle! I wanna fight too! *draws blade sword* HEY, HANABI!!!
Hanabi: Huh!?
*Hanabi turns to face Jack; as she does so, Jack runs her through with his blade*
Hanabi: Agh!!! *falls over dead*
Jack: YAY!!! I WIN!!!
*after Hanabi dies, the PCs standing around her start kicking her while she’s down*
Boy PC: Yeah! Aim for her face! Hahaha!
Jack: …Ooh… That’s gonna come back to bite me on the ass…
*after leaving Hanabi’s dream, Jack exits the room and wanders into Miharu’s room*
Miharu: *snoring lightly*
*as Miharu sleeps, a thought bubble floats above her head; hopping onto Miharu’s bed, Jack enters Miharu’s thought bubble and enters his dream; in Miharu’s dream, he’s seen surrounded by a harem of Neon duplicates*
Neons: ALL HAIL MISTRESS MIHARU![/i]
Miharu: Hohohohoho!
Jack: *sweatdrop* …Dozens of Neons? This girl’s got problems.
Miharu: Hey!
Jack: *gasp*
Miharu: Who let you in here!? Boys! *snaps fingers*
*at the snap of Miharu’s fingers, three Neons pick up Jack and toss him out*
Jack: Aah!
Miharu: Ahhh… It’s good to be loved…
*after being tossed out of the dream, Jack plops down onto Miharu’s bed*
Jack: Alright, that’s it! This is too exhausting!
*returning to his room next door, Jack climbs back into his own dream bubble*
Real Jack: *snoring loudly*
: …Jack?Jack: *still snoring*
: JACK, WAKE UP!!!Jack: *pops up* Aah! It’s the end of the world! …Huh?
*looking around him, Jack sees Hayate, Ciel, Hanabi, and Miharu standing around him*
Jack: Oh! Hey, guys! Are we having a sleepover!?
All: … *draws weapons*
Jack: …W-What are those for?
Ciel: You like disturbing our dreams, Jack?
Miharu: Well, once we’re done with you, you’re probably not gonna want to sleep for awhile.
Hanabi: You may want to close your eyes. Tightly.
Jack: … *gulp*
