Post by Hayate on Nov 27, 2008 22:03:13 GMT -5
.hax//WTF 2.0
Episode 8: Search for the Sign
*in her room, Miharu is seen sleeping soundly*
Miharu: *snoring silently*
*rolling over in her bed, she feels a large mass lying next to her*
Miharu: Ohhh… Huh? *opens eyes* …!!!
*opening her eyes, Miharu is shocked to find Neon in bed with her*
Neon: *snoring*
Miharu: … *blush* (Oh, my God! OhmyGod-ohmyGod-ohmyGod-ohmyGOD!!! Neon’s in my bed!!! W-What do I do?!?)
*just then, in his slumbering state, Neon wraps his arm around Miharu*
Miharu: *deep blush* (AAAHHH!!! I know I should be ecstatic about this, but it’s so sudden!!!)
Neon: *sigh*
Miharu: (Ohhhh… But he’s so freakin’ hot…) *gulp* (Maybe just…one kiss…)
*Miharu leans in slowly to kiss Neon, but suddenly…*
: AHA!!! GOTCHA!!!*…Chibi-Usa bursts into the room*
Miharu: Aah!
Neon: Aah!
Chibi-Usa: THOUGHT YOU COULD GET AWAY WITH IT, DID YA?!? WELL, NOW I GOT YOU!!!
Miharu/Neon: Usa-chan! I-It’s not what you think it is!
Chibi-Usa: NO EXCUSES!!! YOU NEED TO BE PUNISHED!!! *raises hand*
*Miharu shuts her eyes in fear that Chibi-Usa was going to strike her…*
Neon: OW!!! Usa-chan, that hurts!
Miharu: *opens eyes* Huh?
*…but instead, Chibi-Usa pulls Neon out of the bed by his ear*
Chibi-Usa: You’ve been a naughty boy, Neo-niichan!
Neon: Ow-ow-ow-ow!!! Stop; you’re gonna rip my ear off!!!
*as Chibi-Usa pulls Neon out of the room, Miharu is left alone in her bed*
Miharu: *sweatdrop* …I hate it here…
*later that morning, in the boys’ house, Nue makes breakfast in the kitchen while most of the male housemates watch TV*
Jack: Hahahaha! Ahhh… That Kramer always cracks me up…
Kaga: …Jack, we’re watching “House”. That’s not Michael Richards; that’s Hugh Laurie.
Jack: The Playboy guy?
Vyce: That’s Hugh Hefner.
Jack: The Australian actor?
Shirou: Hugh Jackman.
Jack: The guy in Music and Lyrics?
Kyuzo: Hugh Grant.
Jack: The guy on Jimmy Neutron?
Gilgamesh: Hugh Neutron.
Jack: ………The Playboy guy?
Ciel: OH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MAN, SHUT THE HELL UP!!!
*moments later, Hayate descends the stairs*
Hayate: *yawn* Mornin’, guys… Hmm? *sniffs* …Mmm… Something smells good…
Kyuzo: Must be Ciel’s perfume! Hahaha!
Ciel: I’m warning you, Kyuzo – one more girl joke, and I’m gonna…!
Kyuzo: Gonna what? Hit me with your tampon? Hahaha!
Ciel: THAT’S IT!!! *draws scythe*
*pouncing on Kyuzo, Ciel starts beating Kyuzo in a cartoony puff of smoke*
Kyuzo: Ow! Aah! Hey, watch the hair!
*just then, the front door swings open…*
All: Hmm?
*…and Saber is seen on the other side holding up Neon*
Saber: …Does this belong to you?
Neon: Hehehe… Hey, guys…
Gilgamesh: Jeez, Neon, again?!? Third time this week, man!
Neon: Yup! A new personal best! *is dropped on the floor* …Ow.
Saber: …Hayate, might I see you outside for a minute?
Hayate: Uh…sure, Saber.
*a few feet away from the house, Hayate and Saber converse*
Hayate: What’s up?
Saber: I talked to Haseo some time last night via video terminal, and he says he and the other admins still haven’t found a way to debug the corrupted data around the Lost Ground.
Hayate: They’re doing the best they can, Saber.
Saber: I realize this, but it’s been nearly a month now. The girls’ morale is wearing thin.
Hayate: So what do you suggest?
Saber: This is a Lost Ground, is it not? So I’d surmise that, besides from the Chaos Gate, there must be at least one or two back doors somewhere through which we can escape.
Hayate: You mean a “Sign”.
Saber: Correct. I propose we try to find this back door.
Hayate: Hmm… Yeah, that’s a good idea. Alright, today after lunch, we’ll head out and go look for it.
Kyuzo: HEY!!! YOU GUYS DONE MAKING OUT YET?!?
Hayate/Saber: SHUT THE F**K UP, KYUZO!!!!!
*later that day, the 19 housemates assemble outside the houses*
Maryn: …A back door?
Hayate: Right. If we find one, we might be able to finally get out of this place.
Ren: I’m not going out there!
Ayliori: Me neither! Rapists and sex fiends and pedophiles…!
Ren/Ayliori: OH, MY!!!
Gwen: Dammit to hell, would you two get a freakin’ grip?!? I swear, it’s like living with the anti-Hilton sisters!!!
Hanabi: So we find this Sign thing and get out of Dodge, huh? Sounds like a plan to me!
Paris: Oui-oui, ma Cherie! The sooner we leave, the sooner we can get back to playing Ze World ze right way, n’est-ce pas?
Hayate: Alright! Everyone split up into groups of two or three! As soon as you find anything that might remotely resemble a Sign, contact the others! Got it? Let’s go!
*with that, the group exits the area in search of the Sign; meanwhile, Jack is seen frantically leaving the house with his pants down*
Jack: H-Hey! Wait for me! *trips over* Ow! *stands up and pulls up pants* Can’t a guy go to the damn bathroom without being left behind!?
*a short time later, Kyuzo and Hanabi are seen looking for the Sign in the fountain plaza*
Hanabi: *looks in the fountain* …Nothing in here.
Kyuzo: Hmm… Check under that bench.
Hanabi: *walks over to park bench and looks underneath* …Nothing.
Kyuzo: Okay, check around those bushes.
Hanabi: Why am I doing all the work!?
Kyuzo: What? I’m helping too. I’m lending moral support.
Hanabi: Dammit, Kyuzo, quit being so high and mighty, and help me out here!
Kyuzo: *sigh* Fine. *kicks over a flat rock* Well, nothing there. Let’s move on, shall we?
Hanabi: … *draws blade halfway* …No, Hanabi. He ain’t worth it. Wait until after we get out of here to torch his ass. *puts blade away*
*meanwhile, with Jack and Gwen…*
Gwen: …I can’t freakin’ believe this…
Jack: Oh, quit being so negative! It’ll work; trust me!
*Jack Russell is seen talking to a Sleipnir*
Jack: *making pony sounds*
Sleipnir: *making pony sounds*
Jack: Ahhh… I see…
Gwen: …Anything?
Jack: …Nope.
Gwen: ARRRGGGHHH!!! What the hell is wrong with you, Jack?!? Are you brain-damaged or something?!?
Jack: At least I’m trying!!!
Gwen: Okay, that does it! *draws spear and kills Sleipnir*
Jack: *gasp* MURDERER!!!
Gwen: *points spear at Jack* Get your ass moving or you’re next!
Jack: Okay, okay!!! …Sheesh…
*meanwhile, Neon is seen searching for the Sign with Chibi-Usa and Ren*
Neon: R-Ren, I know you’re scared, but you don’t need to hold my hand so tightly!
Ren: I can’t help it! I keep thinking a pedophile’s gonna jump out and take me!
*just then, Chibi-Usa jumps out from behind a bush*
Chibi-Usa: BOO!!!
Ren: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Chibi-Usa: Hahahaha!
Ren: That’s not funny, Usa-chan!
Neon: G-Gah!! Ren, you’re cutting off the circulation to my arm!!
*elsewhere, Kaga searches for the Sign with Vyce and Nue; the trio eventually comes to a three-way fork in the road*
Kaga: *points to left path* That way.
Vyce: *points to right path* That way.
Nue: *points to middle path* That way.
All: …
Vyce: Well then…you realize what must be done, right?
Kaga: Yup.
Nue: Mm-hmm.
*the three leap away from each other and look as though they’re gonna draw their weapons*
Kaga: Ready…!
Nue: …Set…!
Vyce: …GO!!!
All: ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS, SHOOT!!!
*Vyce and Kaga each throw scissors, while Nue throws rock*
Nue: Hah! I win!
*following Nue’s victory, the group goes up the middle path…but comes back running and screaming as a mob of PCs chases them*
Mob: CHAAAAARGE!!!!![/i]
Kaga/Vyce: DAMMIT, NUE!!!
Nue: MY BAD!!!
*meanwhile, with Miharu, Ayliori, and Maryn…*
Ayliori: *groan* We’ve been looking for almost two hours now, and still no Sign!
Maryn: Don’t give up hope, Ayliori! I’m sure we’ll find it soon!
*as the two walk ahead, Miharu walks a short distance behind*
Miharu: (Tch! I had to get stuck with THESE two! The very two girls who are trying to steal Neon from me! Of all the rotten luck! …Well, it doesn’t matter! I’m not gonna lose to them no matter what!)
Maryn: …Hey, Miharu, you okay? You’re being really quiet.
Miharu: GET BENT, “BLUEY-LOCKS”!!!
Maryn: *sweatdrop* …W-What?
Miharu: …Huh!? O-Oh! …Hehehe… Did I say that out loud?
Ayliori: *smirk* What’s the matter, Miharu? Afraid one of us is gonna win Neon first?
Miharu: !!!
Ayliori: That’s right, I know all about your crush on him! And before you get any ideas, you can just forget it! Neon’s all mine, and there’s nothing you can do to change that!
Miharu: *grits teeth* Why, you…! NEON’S MINE, YOU HEAR ME?!? NO ONE ELSE CAN HAVE HIM!!! YOU TWO BIMBOS ARE GOING DOWN!!! *runs off ahead*
Ayliori: WE’LL SEE ABOUT THAT!!! *runs to catch up with Miharu*
Maryn: *sweatdrop* …But I don’t even want Neon…
*elsewhere, Gilgamesh searches with Ciel and Paris, but find themselves in an unfamiliar, poorly lit area*
Gilgamesh: …Okay, kid… Where the hell are we?
Ciel: Um… I’m not sure… I don’t see this area on my map display…
Paris: C’est effrayant! This place gives me ze…how you say? …Ze creeps.
Gilgamesh: *groan* (Perfect… I get stuck with the cross-dresser and the Frenchy, and look where it gets me.) Alright, let’s try to find a way out of here. Vak Don!
*Gilgamesh holds a bright flame in his hand to illuminate the area; as he holds the flame up, he and the others see a multitude of red eyes peering through the darkness…*
Gilgamesh: …Oh, crap.
*…the three are chased out of the area by a flock of bats*
All: AAAAHHHH!!!! BATS!!!![/i]
*as the bats fly away into the sky, the group catches their breath*
Gilgamesh: *panting* That is…the last time…I listen to you…for directions, kid!!!
Ciel: *panting* So…sue me…!!!
Paris: *panting* …Eh? Qu’est-ce que c’est?
Ciel: What’s up, Paris?
Paris: Regardez! In ze cave!
*Paris turns Ciel’s and Gilgamesh’s attention to a bright, red, triangular light in the cave they just ran out of*
All: …The Sign!
*meanwhile, Saber and Shirou’s search for the Sign leads them back to the Chaos Gate Square*
Shirou: We must’ve combed over the city three times now.
Saber: Let’s take a break.
Shirou: *sigh* …Hmm? Hey, isn’t that Hayate over there?
*Saber and Shirou spot Hayate standing in front of a video terminal; he was as rigid as a statue and had an expression of deep shock on his face*
Saber: …Hayate? *waves hand in front of Hayate’s face*
Shirou: *knocks on Hayate’s head* Yoo-hoo! Anybody home?
Saber: …Strange… He must’ve just been using this video terminal.
Shirou: Try playing back the last call made.
*Saber hacks into the terminal’s CPU and plays back the very last call made; an image of Izumi appears*
Hayate’s Voice: Hey, Izumi. Sorry I haven’t come back yet. But don’t worry; we’re working on it right now. I’ll be back before you know it.
Izumi: …
Hayate’s Voice: …Izumi? What’s wrong?
Izumi: …Hayate… I have something to tell you… You see--
*just then, a black-haired PC pops in*
PC: Hey, Izumi, baby! What’s takin’ so long?
Izumi: H-Hiro! I don’t want him finding out like this!
Hayate’s Voice: …Izumi…who’s that next to you…?
Izumi: Um… Well…
Hiro: Who are you talkin’ to anyway, babe?
Hayate’s Voice: …Wait… Izumi, is that…?
Izumi: …Hayate… I don’t think we should…see each other anymore…
Hayate’s Voice: W-What?
Izumi: I’m sorry… It’s just that…I didn’t know how much longer I could wait for you… Then I met Hiroyuki here a couple weeks ago, and we just…hit it off…
Hayate’s Voice: …You’re…breaking up with me…?
Izumi: …I’m so sorry, Hayate… There aren’t enough words to express how sorry I am…
Hiro: Whew… Tough break there, bud…
Izumi: …Bye, Hayate… I gotta be going now…
*finally, the played-back message ends*
Shirou: …Wow. That sucks.
Saber: Guess she couldn’t wait for Hayate anymore.
*just then, Gwen pops in momentarily to call out to the three*
Gwen: Yo, Hayate! Saber! Shirou! Gilgamesh and the others found the Sign!
Shirou: …What do we do with him?
Hayate: …
Saber: …Grab his legs.
*a short time later, the 19 housemates assemble in the cave with the glowing Sign*
Maryn: So…this is a “Sign”…
Ayliori: Right behind this wall is the way home…
Neon: Yeah…
Kyuzo: …Hmm? *sees Hayate on the floor* What’s wrong with him?
Saber: Izumi broke up with him.
Kyuzo: …Oh. …Bummer.
Gilgamesh: Yeah, yeah, let’s mourn over lost loves later. How do we activate this thing?
Nue: …Touch it?
Shirou: Probably. …You first, Gwen.
Gwen: Hell no! You touch it!
Saber: *groan* …I’ll handle this.
*Saber approaches the glowing Sign and reaches out to touch it, when all of a sudden…*
: DON’T TOUCH THAT SIGN!!!All: …Hmm?
*the group looks back at the cave entrance to see Kaeion standing there*
Chibi-Usa: Kaeion!
Ciel: What are you talking about, man!? This is our ticket out of here!
Kaeion: Trust me! Touch that Sign, and you’ll regret it!
*just then, the cave begins to quake*
All: …
*looking towards the wall, the group sees Jack touching the Sign*
All: …JACK!!!
Jack: What!? I have a natural curiosity!
*suddenly, a Data Bug materializes before the group*
Data Bug: *roars*
All: DATA BUG!!!!![/i]
Kaeion: GET DOWN, ALL OF YOU!!!
*the party ducks down, and Kaeion leaps forward to slay the Data Bug in an instant*
Kaeion: *sigh* So Ovan was right. It’s a “Fake Sign”.
Ren: “Fake Sign”?
Kaeion: A “Sign” that generates Data Bugs. They’ve been popping up all The World lately. …Hmm? *sees Hayate on the floor* What’s wrong with him?
All: Izumi broke up with him.
Kaeion: …Oh. …Bummer. …Well, have a good one! *gates out*
Vyce: Wow… “Fake Signs”… Hey, wait! That means we’re still stuck here! GODDAMMIT!!!
*before long, the housemates return to their houses, defeated*
Kyuzo: Well, that was an utter waste of time… Let’s see what on the tube!
Jack: I call the remote!
Kaga: Over my rotting carcass!
*meanwhile, in the girls’ house…*
Chibi-Usa: *collapses on the couch* Awww… And here I thought we could finally go home…
Miharu: Yeah… I miss the outside world…
Ayliori: Well, at least you got Neon, right? Oh, wait, that’s right! He only has eyes for me! Hahaha!
Miharu: Okay, Ayliori, you’re asking for it now!
Ayliori: BRING IT ON, BLONDIE!!!
*as Miharu and Ayliori duke it out, Paris walks over to Maryn, who’s standing by the window*
Paris: What is ze matter, Maryn?
Maryn: I dunno… I just can’t help but feel like we forgot something…
*back inside the cave with the Fake-Sign-scarred wall, Hayate is seen on the floor, still shocked out of his mind*
Hayate: …
*moments later, a Two-Tailed Fox approaches him*
Fox: … *sniffs Hayate* …?
Hayate: …
Fox: … *pisses on Hayate*
