Post by Hayate on Nov 4, 2008 23:34:52 GMT -5
.hax//WTF 2.0
Episode 7: Back in the Day, Part 2
*Hayate and company are seen assembled outside the WTF house*
Hayate: Okay, guys, here’s the situation. I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but through some way or another, we’ve traveled back in time to the year 2017.
Miharu: …Where pretty much EVERYONE is on drugs.
Kyuzo: I was chased around the house for an hour by my own father wielding a flamethrower! Freud calls it metaphorical; I call it messed-up!
Shirou: So, how are we gonna get home?
Hayate: Fortunately, they don’t seem to know about the time portal in their basement.
Vyce: Even though we brought it up, like, ten times.
Hanabi: Are you kidding? These guys seem so brain-dead, they don’t even know who they are half the time.
*just then, Arkyron is seen running off the nearby cliff*
Arkyron: SHAKA ZULU!!!!![/b][/i]
Hanabi: …See?
Hayate: Anyway, we need to wait for an opening long enough for us to sneak back into the basement and return to 2037. If they find out what we’re doing, they might follow us.
Gwen: Yeah, and waking up with one of those guys in bed next to me definitely wouldn’t be a pretty sight!
Saber: So what’s our plan of action?
Hayate: We mingle with them for now and get them distracted long enough for us to make our getaway.
Chibi-Usa: You mean we have to TALK to those retards!?
Neon: Would you rather talk to them for one day, or be forced to live with them back home?
Chibi-Usa: …Good point.
Hayate: Don’t worry. If these guys are as mental as they seem, we shouldn’t be here for longer than 3 hours.
Maryn: *sigh* If you say so.
Kyuzo: Well, alright then!
*just then, the front door is kicked in*
Kyuzo: Rise and shine, boys and girls! Kyuzo’s on the scene!
Nue: …Can I kill him now?
Gilgamesh: Wait ‘til we’re out of the beast’s belly.
*a short time later, Ovan shows Hayate and Saber around the house*
Hayate: So, this…“.hax//WTF”… You’ve been doing this for how long?
Ovan: We’re into our second season.
Saber: And you…enjoy it?
Ovan: Pffff! Are you kidding? It’s all I can do is keep from killing myself! …Of course, even if I do, the Voice just brings me back to life.
Hayate: What’s it like living with all these people?
Ovan: *opens door to Dekar’s room* …You tell me.
*inside the room, Dekar is seen practicing necromancy in front of Ren and Paris*
Dekar: O dwellers of the afterlife, hear my call! Bequeath unto me thy unholy blessing!
Paris: …Ren?
Ren: …Yeah?
Paris: Your father’s a weirdo.
Ren: …I know.
Dekar: *gasp* I can hear them! I can hear the spirits’ cries of anguish! What is it you wish to tell me, o honorable spirits!?
Ren: …How about “get a real job”?
Ovan: …But…it’s not all bad. At least for the time we’re living here, the Voice has given us all the necessary accommodations.
*just then, Jack Russell and Haseo dash past the group, a cereal box in Jack’s hands*
Jack Russell: *mockingly* Nya-nya, nya-nya-nya!
Haseo: GET BACK HERE WITH MY COCOA PUFFS, YOU BASTARD!!!
Hayate/Saber: …
*meanwhile, Atoli leads Ciel and Ayliori into her room*
Atoli: And this is my room!
Ayliori: …There are pictures of Haseo everywhere.
Atoli: I know! Isn’t he cute!?
Ciel: …Hahahaha!!! Your mom’s mental, Ayliori!
Ayliori: Yeah, well, at least I’m not the son of a raving madman!
Ciel: He’s not a madman!
Ayliori: Oh, yeah? Watch this. *deep breath* HEY, HASEO!!! KYUZO HAS YOUR COCOA PUFFS!!!
Haseo: WHAT?!? *cries like an Iraqi terrorist*
Kyuzo: GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU PSYCHO!!!
Ciel: …I hate you.
*elsewhere, Ciege runs in circles around Maryn while on fire*
Ciege: WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?!?
Maryn: … *sigh*
*drawing her microphone, Maryn sings a short melody and douses Ciege with water, putting the flames out*
Ciege: Ahhhhhh… Thanks.
Maryn: *smiles* You’re welcome.
*just then, he’s suddenly set on fire again*
Ciege: OH, COME ON!!!!!
Maryn: … *looks at Lawliet* …Why do you do that?
Lawliet: *holding flamethrower* …Do what?
*in the kitchen, Kaga predicts the future through a crystal ball while Kite, Marche, and Mia listen*
Kaga: In the future…The World will be overrun by…ANIME CHARACTERS!!!
Kite: Is that the best you got? I’m swarmed by lame Sailor-Moon-lookalikes all the time!
Kaga: Okay… Then how about this? In the future…SAKAKI WILL RISE INTO POWER AND DESTROY EVERYTHING!!!
Mia: Sakaki of Moon Tree? Pffff! That’s stupid!
Kaga: Grrrr… Oh, yeah!? Well, how about this?!? In the future, Ovan and Atoli get married…
Kite: *gasp*
Kaga: …Endrance will give birth to Vyce…
Mia: *gasp*
Kaga: …Lawliet will go all the way with Ovan’s sister…
Marche: *gasp*
Kaga: …AND…the entire game will be owned by…DEKAR!!!!!
Kite/Mia/Marche: NOOOOOOO!!!!!
*in the living room, Endrance and Slade enter*
Endrance: Did you find them yet?
Slade: Nope.
Endrance: Awww… Where’d those two hottie-hot-hotties disappear to?
Slade: Hey, Endrance, let’s get one thing straight! The blue-haired one’s mine!
Endrance: Yeah, yeah, whatever. All I’m interested in is that curvy girl with the purple hair.
Slade: Okay! You go that way, I’ll go this way!
*as Endrance and Slade split up again, Ren and Ayliori are seen hiding behind the couch*
Ren: … *sigh* Okay, I think they’re gone.
Ayliori: Oh, this is SO gross! Those two have been trying to get in our pants all day! I WANNA GO HOME!!!
Ren: Shhh! Keep your voice down, or they’ll find us!
Ayliori: …Ren, there’s something on your foot.
Ren: Hmm?
*looking down, Ren sees the pink blob from her attic curled around her foot*
Blob: …Fooooooooooood…
Ren: …Ah… Ahhh… *shrieks loudly*
*swinging her foot up, Ren kicks the blob off and causes it to stick to the ceiling*
Ren: I thought your cousin killed that thing!!!
Ayliori: It must’ve lived and ended up following us!!!
Slade: Hey, I heard their voices in here!
Ren/Ayliori: Eeeep!
*a short time later, Hayate and company meet up again in the living room*
Neon: I can’t take this anymore! I’ll surely kill myself if I stay here any longer!
Hayate: I told you, we need them distracted!
Neon: NO! Screw you, and screw the plan! You wanna know what I spent the last 2 hours doing!? TRYING TO GET THE TRI-EDGE LOVER TO STOP HUMPING MY LEG!!!!!
Shirou: At least you weren’t almost stabbed to death by Haseo the Cocoa Puffs addict!
Hanabi: Hey, you wanna talk bad afternoons! Try having your own brother shouting “DEMON, BEGONE!!!” into your ear for 2 hours straight!
Hayate: Okay, fine! This place sucks! I get it!
???: Enjoying yourselves?
All: Hmm?
*behind the group, the Voice is seen*
Voice: YO!
Gilgamesh: Oh, great… Him again…
Gwen: For the last time, we’re not doing your stupid show!
Voice: Like I said, your opinion doesn’t matter. *snaps fingers*
*with the snap of his fingers, the original 13 housemates appear*
Voice: You’re gonna do my show, and you’re gonna like it… You ain’t ever leaving…
Housemates: One of us… One of us… One of us…
Kyuzo: Alright, that does it! Everyone, cover your eyes!
*as the group shields their eyes, Kyuzo puts on a pair of sunglasses and takes out an MIB-style neuralizer, wiping the memories of Voice and the housemates*
Voice/Housemates: Uhhhhhh…
Ciel: … *blinks* You wait until NOW to do that!?
Kyuzo: *shrugs* I’m a sucker for the suspense.
Hayate: …Remind me to hurt you later. Everyone, to the portal!
Ren: W-Wait! *points to pink blob on the ceiling* What about that thing!?
Jack: THERE’S NO TIME!!! *picks up Ren and runs into the basement*
*moments later, Hayate and the others return to the basement in the girls’ house*
Hayate: Saber! The portal!
Saber: I’m on it!
*surging energy into her sword, Saber thrusts it into the portal and closes it*
Saber: … *sigh* It’s done.
Chibi-Usa: We’re home! Good old 2037! *kisses ground* …Eww! Dusty!
*a short time later, the party returns to their respective homes and life returns to normal*
Hayate: *closes door* So, guys…maybe after a day like today, you’ll learn to respect each other’s differences and not get into so many meaningless fights? You don’t want to end up like those guys back in 2017, do you? …Guys?
*turning around, Hayate notices that the others have gone right back to arguing and fighting*
Hayate: … *sweatdrop* …Oh, why do I bother?
*in the girls’ house, Miharu drops herself onto the couch*
Miharu: Ahhh… It’s good to be home!
Gwen: So, you think us going back in time will have any effect on the present? You know, the whole space-time continuum thing.
Ren: Who cares? I’m just glad to be out of that hellhole.
Hanabi: Amen to that!
???: AAAHHH!!!
*just then, Chibi-Usa dashes out of the basement*
Maryn: Usa-chan!? What’s the matter!?
Chibi-Usa: There’s something in the basement!
*seconds later, Marche emerges from the basement; he had lost most of his hair and he was covered in dirt*
Marche: *panting* I did it! I found you! It’s taken me 20 years, but I’ve finally found you!
Paris: Hey…you’re Monsieur Marche from the WTF house.
Marche: Yup!
Maryn: …You’ve spent 20 years looking for us?
Marche: Uh-huh! The spoon I was digging with broke about five minutes after I started, so I mostly used my hands! I lost all the feeling in my fingers about 7 years ago! Hehehe!
Ayliori: I see… Take ‘im out.
*just then, the girls all draw their weapons*
Marche: o.0 …Oh, crap…
