Post by Hayate on Nov 1, 2008 15:28:32 GMT -5
.hax//WTF 2.0
Episode 6: Back in the Day, Part 1
*one morning, Chibi-Usa is seen in the basement of the girls’ house, rummaging through junk*
Chibi-Usa: Neo-niichan and the others have a TV! I want a TV too! *throws pieces of junk everywhere* TV, TV, TV!!! …Huh?
*during her search, Chibi-Usa happens upon a strange swirling vortex in the ground*
Chibi-Usa: Ooh… Pretty colors…
*meanwhile, at the boys’ house, the doorbell rings*
Ciel: *long yawn* I’m comin’, I’m comin…
*answering the door, Ciel sees a pair of Asian men standing on the other side; one was holding out a Wii-mote*
Asian Guy: “Wii” would like to play!
Ciel: …
Asian Guy: …
*after a few seconds of silence, Ciel slams the door in their faces*
Asian Guy: …Awww… *walks away*
Ciel: ARRRGGGHHH!!! I freakin’ hate living here! I wanna go back to the real world!
Gilgamesh: Yeah, well, good luck. Until Haseo and the others figure something out, we’re stuck here. *flips through channels on TV* …ARRRGGGHHH!!! Basic cable sucks ass!
Ciel: Hehehe… Not so “easy living” anymore, is it? *is hit in the head with the remote* OW!
*just then, Jack Russell walks in holding a pair of frying pans*
Jack: Breakfast is served!
Kyuzo: Finally! I’m freakin’ starving! *looks at food in the frying pans* …Jack, these eggs are green.
Jack: Why, thank you!
Kyuzo: …
*Kyuzo suddenly takes the pan and shoves it in Jack’s face*
Kyuzo: *sarcastically* Great work as usual, Jack…
Jack: Why, thank you!
Kyuzo: ARRRGGGHHH!!! I’m gonna totally off someone if I don’t get some goddamn food!
*just then, Nue walks in holding a single frying pan*
Nue: …Waffles?
*Kyuzo then takes the pan and shoves it in Nue’s face*
Kyuzo: YOU KNOW I ONLY EAT PANCAKES!!!
Nue: … *draws blade sword*
Kyuzo: Oh, you wanna throw down!? Bring it, bitch!
*as Gilgamesh and Ciel argue to his left and Kyuzo and Nue brawl to his right, Hayate sits in the middle of it all*
Hayate: *sigh* …I’m surrounded by idiots…
*meanwhile, back at the girls’ house, a group consisting of Saber, Chibi-Usa, Ren, Miharu, and Paris gazes at the vortex in their basement*
Miharu: Whoa… Where do you think it leads?
Paris: Perhaps to ze…how you say? …Netherworld.
Chibi-Usa: …Stick your head in it, Ren.
Ren: What!? Hell no! There could be a bunch of dirty pedophiles waiting for me on the other side!
Saber: Oh, for the love of… Fine. I’ll do it.
*Saber bends down towards the ground and sticks her head through the vortex; the other side appears to be a similar basement but with a different setup*
Saber: Hmm… Huh?
*near the staircase, Saber sees a blond-haired boy*
Blond: …
Saber: …Um…hello?
Blond: … *dashes upstairs* AAAAAHHHHH!!!!! TALKING HEAD!!!!!
Saber: *sweatdrop*
*removing her head from the vortex, Saber stands back up*
Miharu: So what’d ya see?
Saber: It leads into a basement similar to ours. …And…
Paris: “And”?
Saber: …There was someone there. A blond boy.
Ren: There! See!? I knew it! Nothing but sex-driven animals on the other side!
Saber: No, he seemed harmless enough. …A little on the dim side, however.
All: …Hmm…
Chibi-Usa: …ME FIRST!
*back at the boys’ house, the arguments from before have escalated into a full-blown brawl, now including Neon, Kaga, Vyce, and Shirou*
Shirou: YOUR FATHER HAS SEX WITH CATS!!!
Vyce: YOUR MOTHER DROPPED YOU ON YOUR HEAD AS A CHILD!!! FIVE TIMES!!! INTENTIONALLY!!!
Neon: TAKE BACK WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT LUCHIA!!!
Kaga: WHY?!? CAN’T HANDLE THE FACT THAT YOUR COUSIN’S A FISH-LOVER?!?
Hayate: *deep breath, blows harshly into whistle*
*at the sound of the whistle, the brawl freezes in place*
Hayate: What the HELL is wrong with you people!? We’ve only been here for a week and a half and you’ve devolved into mindless lunatics! Can’t you be as calm and civilized as the girls next door!?
*just then, Chibi-Usa kicks the front door in*
Chibi-Usa: FREAKY SWIRLY POOL OF DOOM!!!!!
All: …
Hayate: …That’s it! Someone kill me now!
*a short time later, all 19 housemates assemble in the girls’ basement to gaze at the vortex*
Kyuzo: Okay! The girls are here, the guys are here -- time for “Spin the Bottle”!
Maryn: Spin the what!?
Hanabi: For the last time, Kyuzo, that’s not why we’re here!
Neon: *looks down at vortex* I assume this is Usa-chan’s so-called “pool of doom”?
Gwen: Yup.
Vyce: So…who’s first?
Ayliori: Are you nuts? We have no idea where it goes. And what if it’s a one-way trip?
Gilgamesh: Only one way to find out… *shoves Ayliori into the vortex*
Ayliori: AAAHHH!!!
All: … *glares at Gilgamesh*
Gilgamesh: What!? You were all thinking the same thing!
*one-by-one, the housemates leap into the vortex and land in the similar basement Saber saw earlier*
Shirou: …Where are we now?
Hayate: Hmm… According to my menu screen, we’re still at Hidden Forbidden Lunacy.
Nue: …We went around in circles?
Saber: That’s not possible. There was a blond-haired boy by that staircase I’d never seen before.
Ciel: Then I guess it’s up the stairs we go.
*as the housemates climb the stairs, another entity is seen coming through the vortex: the pink blob from the girls’ attic*
Blob: …Fooooooooooood…
*opening the door at the top of the stairs, the housemates peer into what looks like a living room, where several people could be seen, including the blond Saber encountered*
Blond (Boy 1): I’m telling ya!!! This blond girl’s head was looking back at me in the basement!!!
Boy 2: Seriously, dude, back off or I’m going El Kabong on your ass.
Hayate: *whispering* What is this place?
Jack: *whispering* Come on, Hayate, move! I can’t see!
Hayate: *whispering* Gah! Quit shoving, Jack!
Jack: *whispering* But I wanna see!
Boy 3: Did you hear something?
Hayate/Jack: !!!
Boy 4: Only thing I hear is your annoying ass.
Boy 3: I’m serious! It came from the basement!
All: *whispering* Uh-oh…!
*on the other side of the door, someone pulls the door open, causing the housemates to spill out onto the floor*
Hayate: Uh… Hehehe… H-Hey. What’s up?
Boy 4: …Nothin’. You?
Hayate: …Nothin’.
Boy 4: Cool. *looks at Boy 3* …Take ‘em out.
Hayate: o.0 …Oh, crap.
*a short while later, the 19 housemates meet with the 13 housemates inhabiting the house they warped into; among them were some familiar faces, such as Haseo, Atoli, Endrance, and Ovan*
Ovan: …You came out of a hole in our basement?
Vyce: Pretty much.
Atoli: YAY!!! New friends!!! Isn’t that cool, Haseo?
Haseo: …Go away…
Arkyron: LIES!!! THEY’VE BEEN SENT FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL TO DO AWAY WITH US!!! WE MUST FLEE!!! *is hit in the head with a brick*
Kite: Anyway…where’d you come from?
Maryn: Well, it was a house just like this one actually…except…bigger.
Slade: So they’re doing “WTF” on your end too, huh? Tch! Voice must be so hungry for ratings, he’s resorted to doing the show in other dimensions.
Nue: …“WTF”?
Chibi-Usa: “Voice”?
Jack: “The”?
Saber: …Hayate. Come here a moment.
Hayate: Hmm? *walks over to Saber* What is it?
Saber: Something strange has happened since we came through the vortex. Look at your game clock.
Hayate: …What about it?
Saber: Look at today’s date.
Hayate: Let’s see… “July 19…2017”? That can’t be right. Must be a glitch.
Saber: I thought so at first too. But look around you. The graphics of this “The World” are outdated. And just look at Haseo, Atoli, and Ovan over there. They look at least 20 years younger.
Hayate: But…it’s impossible. We’ve…gone back in time…?
Saber: It’s the only logical explanation.
Hayate: …I dunno…
Mia: …You don’t know what “.hax//WTF” is?
Gilgamesh: No, and I don’t think I want to know.
: Heh. Too late for that, buddy.Gilgamesh: …Hmm?
*looking to his left, Gilgamesh sees The Voice standing at his side*
Voice: ‘Sup, homey?
Gilgamesh: AAH!!! *falls over*
Voice: HA!!! Works every time!
*just then, Lawliet comes down the stairs*
Lawliet: Is that the Voice!? *looks at Voice* It IS you!!! Yo, where’s the 100 bucks you owe me-- Aah!!!
*in his absentmindedness, Lawliet tumbles down the stairs*
All: … *muffles laugh*
Lawliet: So help me, anyone who laughs is getting a face full of guitar!
Kaga: Hey, Kyuzo, isn’t that your old man?
Kyuzo: …Oh, you’ve gotta be shitting me…
Saber: …There, Hayate. Do you need any more proof?
Hayate: …Whoa…
Voice: So! Who’s the fresh meat?
Marche: THEY CAME THROUGH A HOLE IN THE FLOOR!
Voice: …Ooooooooooooooooookay… Well, whatever! That just means more ratings for me!
Ren: Ratings?
Voice: Bingo, sweet-cheeks! Welcome to showbiz!
Gwen: Showbiz!? We didn’t come here to do no stupid show!
Voice: Hah! As if your opinion matters! I’m “The Voice From Above”, bitches! I’m the authority around here! And as the authority, I say…ACTION!!!!! Toodles! *vanishes*
Hanabi: …Does he always do that?
Kite: Yup.
Arkyron: MAY THE WILL OF TRI-EDGE BE DONE!!!
Lawliet/Kyuzo: DAMMIT, MAN, SHUT THE F**K UP ALREADY!!![/size]
Arkyron: …‘Kay…
Miharu: Hehehe. Like father, like son.
TO BE CONTINUED…
