Post by Hayate on Oct 8, 2008 15:52:15 GMT -5
.hax//WTF 2.0
Episode 5: Anthology of Randomness I
Scene 1: Jackass, WTF Version
*Ciel, Gilgamesh, and Vyce walk outside and see Kyuzo and Jack Russell setting up some sort of stunt between the two houses; Kyuzo connects both houses with a giant rubber band while Jack sets up a video camera on a tripod*
Ciel: …What the hell are Kyuzo and Jack doing now?
Hayate: Kyuzo dared Jack to do some stupid stunt. He’s gonna prop himself up on a broken steam bike and launch it into the air with the rubber band.
Gilgamesh: …100 bucks says Jack bites it.
Vyce: You’re on.
Jack: *speaking into the camera* I’m Jack Russell, and this is the “Rocket Sling”!
*Jack puts on a pair of goggles and gets onto the steam bike positioned near the rubber band*
Jack: READY, KYUZO!!!
Kyuzo: Hehehe… This is gonna be so awesome.
*Kyuzo triggers the mechanism stretching the rubber band back, and as it ricochets forward, it shoves the steam bike far into the air*
Jack: WHOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
All: Daaaaaaaamn!
Jack: I’M THE KING OF THE SKY--!!!!!
*just then, the steam bike crashes into a tree and bursts into flames*
All: …
Kyuzo: …We never speak of this again.
All: …Agreed.
~*~*~*~*~
Scene 2: Sweet Dreams
*Neon is seen sleeping on the couch*
Neon: *snores loudly*
*in Neon’s dream, he’s sitting on a living room couch in a different house*
Neon: …Huh? Where am I?
: Oh, ho~ney…Neon: …“Honey”?
*just then, Saber walks in carrying a tray of food; she was wearing nothing but an apron*
Saber: I made your favorite today… *wink*
Neon: o.0 *jaw drops to the floor*
*as Saber sets the tray down in front of Neon, she exposes her cleavage to him*
Neon: …It’s official… I’ve died and gone to heaven!
Saber: Hee-hee! And when you’re finished eating, I’ll run your bath for you. ‘Kay?
Neon: …‘Kay.
*in the next scene of Neon’s dream, he’s seen sitting in a bathtub filled with water; suddenly, there’s a knock at the door*
Saber: Oh, ho~ney… You want me to scrub your back…?
Neon: HELL YEAH!!!
*Saber enters, wearing nothing but a towel*
Saber: Okay then… Here I come… Hee-hee!
*outside of Neon’s dream, he drools onto the couch cushions*
Neon: Hehehe…
*Saber, Chibi-Usa, Hanabi, and Maryn stand around him*
Hanabi: …I don’t believe this… This is the fifth time this week he’s fallen asleep in the wrong house!
Saber: …Maryn, if you please.
Maryn: Right.
*singing into her microphone, Maryn conjures a small rush of water to splash onto Neon, causing him to jerk awake*
Neon: Aah! Cold!
Chibi-Usa: Morning, sleepyhead.
Neon: Sleepyhead…? *gasp* You mean, that was a dream!? NO!!!
*just then, Neon puts his hands on Saber’s shoulders*
Saber: !!!
Neon: I don’t wanna wake up yet! Saber, quick! Take your clothes off!
Saber: … *eye twitches, draws broadsword*
Neon: …I’ll take that as a no?
Saber: Ex…CALIBUR!!!!![/b][/i]
Neon: GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
~*~*~*~*~
Scene 3: Jackass, WTF Version (Part 2)
Jack: *speaking into the camera* I’m Jack Russell, and this is the “Mad Grunty Dash”!
*as Jack covers himself with heavy protective padding, a small herd of angry Grunties is seen a few yards behind him*
Shirou: …I thought you said he died in a fiery steam bike crash.
Vyce: I thought he did. But still…it’s gonna totally be worth it to see him die a second time.
Miharu: …I wish I had popcorn.
Jack: READY, KYUZO!!!
*Kyuzo opens the gate keeping the Grunties in, and the Grunties dash madly towards Jack*
Jack: …
*as they come within range, the Grunties pounce onto Jack, tearing his body apart*
Jack: AAAAHHHH!!!! OH, GOD!!!! MY SPLEEN IS TOUCHING MY SPINE!!!!
All: …Eww…
Miharu: That’s gotta hurt.
Jack: IT DOES!!!!!
Shirou: Ooh… I didn’t think knees could bend that way…
~*~*~*~*~
Scene 4: Nue Snaps
*Nue is seen staring out his room window*
Nue: …
*suddenly, Kaga bursts in*
Kaga: Hey, Nue! Can I borrow your blade sword for a minute?
Nue: …Uh…
Kaga: Thanks, buddy! *leaves with Nue’s blade sword*
Nue: … *sweatdrop*
*later on, Nue walks outside the house and is approached by Paris*
Paris: Monsieur Nue! A moment of your time, s’il vous plait!
Nue: …What is it?
*a few minutes later, Nue is seen wearing a dress*
Nue: …You wanted me to model this dress for you?
Paris: Forgive me, but everyone else was busy.
Nue: … *sigh*
*just then, Ren and Ayliori walk in*
Ren: …
Ayliori: …
Nue: …
Ren/Ayliori: …HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Nue: … *sweatdrop*
*later on, Nue exits the girls’ house and Gwen walks by him*
Gwen: Outta the way, “Nu-emo”.
*as she walked by to enter the house, Gwen shoves Nue into the mud*
Nue: … *eye twitch*
*later returning to his room, Nue wipes the rest of the mud off his face; suddenly, Kaga bursts in*
Kaga: Hey, Nue! Came by to return your blade sword! It broke in two! Hope that’s okay! Alright, see ya later! *leaves*
Nue: *looks at broken blade sword* … *eye twitches violently*
*after the sun sets, Nue stands outside the two houses; in his hand was a detonator*
Nue: …
*pressing the button on the detonator, Nue blows up the houses with everyone still inside them*
All: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Nue: …Hehe… Hahaha… HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
*just then, Nue wakes up in his bed*
Nue: *gasp* …Just a dream…?
*getting up out of bed, Nue opens his window and stares at the sky; suddenly, Kaga bursts in*
Nue: Huh?
Kaga: Hey, Nue! Can I borrow your blade sword for a minute?
Nue: …Uh…
Kaga: Thanks, buddy! *leaves with Nue’s blade sword*
Nue: … *eye twitches violently*
~*~*~*~*~
Scene 5: Jackass, WTF Version (Part 3)
Hayate: …Oh, you have GOTTA be kidding me.
*Hayate looks up at Jack, who is standing on a tree branch dressed like some kind of bird*
Jack: *yelling* I’m Jack Russell, and this is the “Ultimate Flight”! Kyuzo, are you getting this!?
Kyuzo: *holding video camera* Damn right I am!
Hayate: …There are no words to describe how stupid this is…
Jack: REMEMBER THE ALAMO!!!!!
*Jack jumps off the tree branch and tries to fly by flapping his arms, but fails miserably and crashes into the ground on his head*
Jack: …
Hayate: …Jack?
Jack: …
Hayate: …He’s dead, Kyuzo. You can stop filming now.
Kyuzo: Well…I think there’s a lesson to be learned here. Perseverance… Determination… And… And that big beanbag chair Jack has? That’s mine. I called it.
