Post by Hayate on Sept 17, 2008 15:28:13 GMT -5
.hax//WTF 2.0
Episode 4: Lights Out!
*in his assigned room, Shirou is seen sleeping*
Shirou: *snoring loudly*
*as he slumbers, Kyuzo peers into his room*
Kyuzo: … *whispering* Okay! He’s fast asleep! Move in!
*moments later, he, Jack Russell, and Ciel sneak in; Ciel is seen holding a bowl of hot water*
Ciel: *whispering* Are you sure this is gonna work?
Kyuzo: *whispering* Of course! I’ve seen it work dozens of times! Jack, you be the lookout!
Jack: *whispering* Roger that! *motions a salute*
*as Jack keeps a look out from the corner of the door, Kyuzo and Ciel sneak over to Shirou’s bedside*
Kyuzo: *whispering* Okay, now put the bowl next to the bed.
*Ciel sets the bowl down while Kyuzo slowly picks up Shirou’s hand and places it in the bowl*
Kyuzo: *whispering* There! Now we just leave and let the magic take care of itself! Hehehe!
Shirou: *snoring* …
*just then, Shirou’s eyes jerk open and he hops up*
Shirou: AAAHHH!!! HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT!!![/b]
Ciel: Whoa! He’s up! Is that supposed to happen!?
Kyuzo: *touches the hot water* Ah! Dammit, Jack, you made the water too hot!!!
Jack: You said “fill the bowl with hot water”, so that’s what I did! Don’t go dumping all the blame on me!
Shirou: HEY!!!
Kyuzo/Jack/Ciel: Huh?
Shirou: *draws dual swords* What are you doing in my room?!?
Kyuzo: …CHEESE IT!!!
*Kyuzo, Jack Russell, and Ciel suddenly bolt out of the room*
Shirou: Get back here!
*Shirou hops off the bed and attempts to give chase, but his foot connects with the edge of the hot water bowl…*
Shirou: Aah!
*…causing Shirou to fall over onto the ground, and the hot water to fly up and onto Shirou’s face*
Shirou: AAAAHHHH!!!! IT BURNS!!!! IT BURNS!!!!
Kyuzo: …Huh. That went rather well, wouldn’t you say?
Jack: Yup! Mission accomplished!
Ciel: What mission!? That wasn’t part of the plan!
Kyuzo: Wasn’t it though, Ciel? Wasn’t it though? *wink*
Ciel: NO, IT WASN’T!!!
Kyuzo: …Oh.
Ciel: *face-palm* Why the hell do I hang out with you two…?
Shirou: OH, GOD, IT’S MELTING MY SKIN!!!!
*the next morning, Hayate groggily descends the stairs and sees the others sitting around the living room watching TV*
Hayate: *yawn* Morning, guys… Huh? Where’d the TV come from?
Vyce: Neon and I found it in the basement!
Neon: …Among other things… *opens adult magazine* …Hehehe…
Hayate: …‘Kaaaaaaaaaay…
Vyce: Check it out! Over 500 channels!
Gilgamesh: …Kinda makes you wonder who owned this house before we came along… I mean, a television in an online game?
Kaga: Sometimes it’s best not to question fate, Gilgamesh… *picks up remote* I wonder if this thing gets HBO…
Kyuzo: *grabs remote* Screw HBO! We’re watching Lifetime!
All: …
Kyuzo: …What!?
Vyce: Hand over the remote! I wanna watch “Heroes”!
Ciel: “Heroes” sucks!!!
Vyce: *gasp* BLASPHEMER!!!!!
Jack: I DEMAND “THE FOOD CHANNEL”!!!
Neon: How about you take your “Food Channel” and shove it up your ass!? I want “Sailor Moon”!
Kyuzo: Why, so you can stare at her panties all day!?
*eventually, the argument escalates into a living room brawl*
Hayate: … *groan*
*just then, all of the lights in the house go out*
All: …Huh?
Vyce: Hey! The TV isn’t working!
All: AAAAHHHH!!!!
Nue: *walks in* …Power’s out.
All: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
*just then, Shirou descends the stairs…with no face*
Shirou: …Hey.
All: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!
Shirou: Oh, come on! It’s not that bad!
All: IT’S THAT BAD!!!!!!!
*a short time later, Hayate knocks on the door of the girls’ house; Miharu answers*
Miharu: Let me guess… Power’s out at your place?
Hayate: Uh…yeah. How’d you know that?
Chibi-Usa: *from inside the house* COME ON, YOU STUPID TOASTER!!!!! WORK ALREADY!!!!!
Miharu: …Lucky guess.
*later that morning, the 20 PCs all meet on the front lawn of the two houses*
Hayate: Alright, you all know the situation. The power’s gone out at both of our houses.
Jack: I require my digital window to the outside world!
Hayate: …Jack, shut up and eat a cookie or something…
Jack: Gotcha! Hanabi, go get me a cookie!
Hanabi: Screw you! Go get your own damn cookie!
Hayate: Somewhere in the city, there’s probably a blown transformer.
Chibi-Usa: Transformer?!? Where?!? *dashes inside the house* YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, OPTIMUS PRIME!!!!!
All: … *sweatdrop*
Hayate: …As I was saying, a few of us will need to go into the city, find the transformer, and fix it.
Ren: The city!? Are you mental!? There’s a bunch of perverts and rapists running around out there!
Ayliori: Yeah! Ren-chan and I are staying here!
Hayate: …Okay… Body-conscious girls aside, any volunteers?
Ciel: I’ll go! If those rioting PCs cause any trouble, I’ll split their skulls wide open!
Kaga: …Thank you, Ciel, I really needed that mental image…
Vyce: I’m in!
Hanabi: *shrugs shoulders* I guess I’ll come along…
Miharu: You can count me in too!
Hayate: *nod* Alright, I think that’ll do. Saber, you’re in charge of everyone until we get back.
Saber: Understood.
Ciel: Alright! Let’s do it! DO OR DIE!!!
Hanabi: Kid, if you don’t wanna be left behind, I suggest you shut the hell up.
*as Hayate, Ciel, Vyce, Hanabi, and Miharu leave, Saber turns to face the others*
Saber: Alright! For the duration of time Hayate and his party are out, you will all do as I say!
Kyuzo: *sarcastically* Ooh, I’m shaking in my 3000-GP boots. What are you gonna do if I misbehave -- spank me?
Saber: …Yes… *draws Caliburn* …with my sword.
Kyuzo: Hehehe… I’m always open to experimentation.
Saber: SILENCE!!!
Kyuzo: … *gulp*
Saber: Hayate left me in charge during his absence, and I expect complete obedience!
Gwen: … *whispering to Paris* Ten bucks says Saber and Hayate are sleeping together…
Paris: *laughs* Ooh-la-la…
Saber: I HEARD THAT! 100 laps around both houses, Gwendolyn! Right now!
Gwen: …You’re joking, right?
Saber: *strikes the ground with Caliburn* I SAID, RIGHT NOW!!!
Gwen: *gulp* Y-Yes, ma’am! *runs away*
Saber: …Be forewarned, the lot of you. Before this day is over, I promise you that you will not like me. Hehehe.
Neon: …I have a bad feeling about this…
Chibi-Usa: *from inside the house* IS OPTIMUS PRIME GONE YET?!?
*in the center of the city, Hayate and company is seen sneaking around, avoiding the other rioting PCs*
PCs: *rioting madly*
Hayate: …Okay! Coast is clear! Let’s move!
*Hayate and company continues to sneak around and eventually locate the blown transformer in a clearing*
Hanabi: Okay… Anybody know how to fix a broken transformer?
Vyce: Nope.
Ciel: No clue.
Miharu: Pffff. I can barely work my VCR.
Hanabi: …This plan blows.
???: Need some help?
*Hayate and company turn to see Kaeion*
Ciel: Oh, great. The Ace with the tight ass-cheeks is back.
Kaeion: Ignoring that. So you need this transformer fixed?
Hayate: Yeah. Are you offering to help?
Kaeion: Depends. Are you asking for it?
Vyce: DAMMIT, QUIT YOUR FREAKIN’ MIND GAMES AND MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL!!!
Kaeion: *sigh* Fine. Stand aside.
*Kaeion walks up to the transformer and starts making repairs*
Hanabi: So what now?
Vyce: …Wanna make out?
Hanabi: … *backs away from Vyce*
???: Hey, did you hear that!?
???: Yeah! Sounded like voices!
???: They’re coming from over here!
Ciel: CRAP!!! Busted!
*meanwhile, in the boys’ house, Saber opens the door to Jack’s room*
Saber: Ugh! This room is filthy! …Hmm? *picks up helmet* Why is there yogurt in this helmet?
Jack: Huh… That’s funny. That used to be milk.
Saber: … *dumps spoiled milk on Jack’s head* Clean up this mess! If it’s not spotless in 10 minutes, I’ll run you through with my sword!
Jack: Y-Yes, ma’am!
Neon: Hey, Saber, don’t you think you’re going a bit overboard?
Saber: You’re in no position to question me, Neon. Your room is next.
Neon: Fine, go ahead. I’ve got nothing to hide.
*Saber opens the door to Neon’s room; dozens of posters of female PCs are put up on the walls*
Saber: … *looks at Neon*
Neon: …I can explain…
Saber: I’d prefer you didn’t.
*back near the transformer, a small army of PCs surrounds Hayate and his friends*
PC1: It’s that guy that got us stuck here!
PC2: These guys are in cahoots with him!
Hayate: The hell is wrong with you people!? You’re letting the fact you’re stuck in an online game turn you into mindless savages!
PC3: GET ‘EM!!!
Vyce: Here they come!
*the PC army closes in on the group, when all of a sudden, a wide array of red lightning eradicates them*
Hanabi: *blinks* …What just happened?
*the group turns to face Kaeion, whose hand was glowing red*
Kaeion: Heh. Weaklings.
Ciel: Pffff! We could’ve done that!
Kaeion: …Transformer’s fixed.
Hayate: *sigh* Let’s get the hell out of here.
*Hayate and company puts their weapons and walks back towards the house*
Kaeion: You’re welcome!!! …Jackasses…
*back in the cul-de-sac, Hayate, Vyce, Ciel, Hanabi, and Miharu return to their respective homes; Hayate opens the door to the house and Gilgamesh falls out into the open, half-dead*
Gilgamesh: *convulsing* The horror… The horror…
Hayate: …You okay, Gil?
Gilgamesh: *stands up and grabs Hayate by the collar* Never…leave Saber…in charge…again…!!!
Hayate: *gulp* G-Got it…
*walking into the house, Hayate notices the others guys already back to watching TV*
Hayate: Good. Power’s back. Maybe now you guys can learn not to take technology for granted.
Kyuzo: Yeah, I’ll learn to do that AFTER Gilmore Girls. Now shut up!
Hayate: … *sigh* I hate this place…
*in the girls’ house…*
Maryn: Come on, Usa-chan, open the door!
Miharu: What’s up?
Maryn: Usa-chan’s been in her room all day. She won’t come out.
Chibi-Usa: *from inside the room* AAH!!! MEGATRON’S COMING TO GET ME!!! HELP ME, NEO-NIICHAN!!!
Miharu: *sweatdrop* Oh, hell no. I want nothing to do with this.
*a few minutes later, in the boys’ house, Vyce walks into his room*
Vyce: Ugh… I’m freakin’ exhausted…
*just then, the room door closes, and Nue is seen standing behind it*
Vyce: Huh? What do you want, Nue?
Nue: …
Nue: …Hungry?
*just then, Vyce takes the pan and shoves it in Nue’s face before walking inside with Kyuzo and Gilgamesh*
Nue: …Guess not.
Nue: … *draws blade sword*
Vyce: o.0 …Oh, crap.
