Post by Hayate on Sept 6, 2008 18:55:14 GMT -5
.hax//WTF 2.0
Episode 3: Settling In
*in the girls’ house, Paris is seen serving breakfast to the others; Miharu takes a bite of her French toast*
Miharu: Mmmm! This is delicious, Paris!
Paris: Merci! Cooking is one of my many passions in ze real world! *hands a plate to Hanabi* Bon appétit!
Hanabi: Thanks, Paris!
*Hanabi is about to chow down, but before she could, an explosion shakes the house’s foundation, causing the plate to jump up and land on Hanabi’s head; maple syrup trickles down her forehead*
Hanabi: Grrrr…
Chibi-Usa: …You gonna eat that?
*in the boys’ house, smoke emanates from the kitchen; inside the kitchen, Kyuzo, Neon, Ciel, Shirou, and Nue are seen covered in soot; moments later, Hayate dashes in*
Hayate: What happened!?
*the soot-covered boys all point at Jack Russell, who’s holding a pan and spatula*
Jack: …Hehehe…
Hayate: DAMMIT, JACK! That’s the third time this week you blew up the kitchen!
Ciel: And it was just eggs and bacon!!!
Shirou: …At least it wasn’t as bad as yesterday…
*the day before, Jack is seen making pancakes*
Jack: Okay, let’s see… Flour!
*he reaches for a bag of flour, but grabs the yeast instead*
Kaga: …Uh, Jack? That’s not the--
Jack: Quiet! I know what I’m doing!
*he pours the yeast onto the pancake batter; moments later, the kitchen explodes and pancake batter is seen oozing out all of the house windows*
Neon: GAH!!!
Vyce: CAN’T BREATHE!!!
Jack: MY BAD!!!
Kyuzo: …Or the day before that…
*on the morning before yesterday, an omelet monster chases the boys up and down the halls*
Monster: *roars*
Gilgamesh: Why the hell would you use Vak Kruz to heat the food?!?
Jack: MY BAD!!!
Jack: Okay, fine! So my cooking skills aren’t that great! At least I’m trying!
*moments later, Jack is chased out of the kitchen by flying pots and pans*
Jack: Aah! My bad!! My bad!!!
Hayate: *sigh* …Alright, can any of you cook?
Nue: … *raises hand*
Hayate: Okay, Nue, you take care of breakfast. The rest of you get cleaned up. I gotta go take care of something.
*Hayate knocks on the door of the girls’ house; Hanabi -- still covered in food -- answers*
Hayate: …Hehehe…
Hanabi: …Grrrr…
*a short while later, Ren and Maryn use the magic of their singing voices to restore the boys’ kitchen to working order*
Ren: …There! All done!
Hayate: Thanks a lot, you two.
Maryn: Sure, no problem!
*just then, Neon takes Maryn’s hand*
Neon: It most certainly wasn’t “no problem”! We are forever indebted to you! Perhaps I can repay your kindness with…a kiss?
Maryn: *sweatdrop* Uh…
Ren: …Usa-chan?
Chibi-Usa: *loads dual pistol* …Gotcha.
Saber: …Hayate.
Hayate: Yeah?
Saber: From one Housemaster to another, might I request a favor of you in return for our services?
Hayate: Sure, what?
Saber: We require some assistance in clearing out our attic.
Hayate: Hmm… *looks at Kyuzo and the others*
Kyuzo: …Aw, crap.
Chibi-Usa: NEO-NIICHAN, GET BACK HERE!!!
Neon: THEN QUIT SHOOTING ME ALREADY!!!
*later that morning, Ayliori leads Kyuzo, Kaga, Vyce, and Gilgamesh up to the girls’ house attic*
Gilgamesh: Ugh. It smells like Grunty crotch up here.
Vyce: …I’m not even gonna comment on that.
Ayliori: As you can see, there’s a lot of junk up here. …Oh! Kyu-chan, be careful of the cobwebs!
Kyuzo: *covered in cobwebs* …Thanks for the warning.
Kaga: *flips light-switch, but nothing happens* …The lights don’t work.
Gilgamesh: *sarcastically* Well, that’ll make things easier, won’t it?
Ayliori: And…there’s something else.
Vyce: Hmm?
Ayliori: For the past couple days, we’ve been hearing weird noises coming from up here. Kind of a…squishy noise.
All: Squishy?
Ayliori: Hehehe… I know it sounds silly…
Kyuzo: …We’ll keep our eyes open.
Ayliori: ‘Kay. Thanks. *goes down the stairs*
Kyuzo: *ruffles through a box…* …Huh? Hey! *…pulls out a CD case* It’s one of my first singles! Whoever lived here before had good taste in music!
Vyce: *cough*
Kyuzo: I heard that, “cat ears”!
Vyce: What? It’s the dust.
Kyuzo: …Yeah, right…
Vyce: … *cough*
*Gilgamesh stacks some boxes on top of each other, when suddenly he hears a sound*
: *squish*Gilgamesh: Huh? …What was that?
Kaga: What’s wrong, Gil?
Gilgamesh: …Nothing.
*as Vyce brushes some cobwebs away, he feels something slimy touch his leg*
Vyce: Aah! *materializes bayonet and aims it at Kyuzo*
Kyuzo: Holy freakin’…! Dude, what’s your problem!? You nearly gave me a heart attack!
Vyce: MY problem!? You’re the one who touched me!
Kyuzo: Oh, please! I wouldn’t touch you with a 50-foot pole!
Vyce: Huh? …Aah! *fires bayonet*
Kyuzo: GAH! What the hell, man!? That almost hit my freakin’ ear!
Vyce: There’s something on the wall!
*Kyuzo turns to face the wall behind him, but there was nothing*
Kyuzo: …You afraid of the dark or something, whitey?
Vyce: I’m telling you, there was something there! It looked like a big…pink…blob!
Kyuzo: …Uh-huh…
Kaga: Alright, that’s it! I’ll take care of this! Vak Kruz!
*Kaga holds a flame in his hands and illuminates the room*
Kaga: There, see? There’s nothing here!
Gilgamesh: …Uh, Kaga? There’s something on your head.
Kaga: Hmm?
*Kaga looks up to see a large pink mass looking back at him with tiny eyes*
Kaga: Ah… Ahhh… *shrieks like a little girl*
*Miharu and Gwen are seen walking towards the attic…*
Miharu: Let’s go see how the boys are doing. They’ve been pretty quiet.
Gwen: Hehehe. Maybe they’re pleasuring themselves with a bunch of old dirty magazines.
Miharu: …You have a strange mind, Gwen…
*…when suddenly, Kaga dashes past them*
Kaga: MONSTERS!!!!! FLESHY, PINK MONSTERS!!!!![/i]
Miharu: …Huh… Maybe you were right…
*meanwhile, Kyuzo, Vyce, and Gilgamesh look at the pink blob on the floor*
Vyce: …What do you think it is?
Kyuzo: Dunno…
Gilgamesh: …Poke it with a stick.
*Vyce pokes the pink blob with a stick a couple of times, and it looks up at the three with tiny eyes*
Vyce: Aah! It’s looking at us!
Blob: …Fooooooooooood…
*just then, Kyuzo whacks the blob with his guitar, killing it*
Vyce/Gilgamesh: …
Kyuzo: …What?
*hours later, Kyuzo carries the last dust-covered box outside*
Hanabi: Thanks for the help, boys!
Kyuzo: …Whatever…
Shirou: So, what are you gonna do with this stuff?
Miharu: What else? VAK DON!!!
*Miharu suddenly sets the junk on fire, reducing it to cinders*
Vyce: …Couldn’t you have done that in the beginning?!?
Miharu: And risk setting the house on fire? Are you nuts? Hah!
Ayliori: Thanks again!
*with that, the girls go inside their house and close the door*
Jack: Hehehe! They got you good!
Kyuzo/Vyce/Gilgamesh: …
Jack: …Uh, guys? Why are you looking at me like that?
*as the boys return to their house, Nue steps outside with a pan of scrambled eggs*
Nue: …Hungry?
*just then, Vyce takes the pan and shoves it in Nue’s face before walking inside with Kyuzo and Gilgamesh*
Nue: …Guess not.
*as they enter, Hayate confronts them*
Hayate: What the hell did you guys do to Kaga!? He’s been sitting in the corner mumbling about pink monsters for the past two hours!
Kaga: *rocking back and forth* Monsters… Pink, blobby monsters with little beady eyes… Aah! They’re coming closer! No! Go away!
Kyuzo: *shrug* I think it’s an improvement.
*meanwhile, on the house’s front lawn is a single box -- nailed shut*
Jack: *inside the box* Guys!? This isn’t funny anymore! Let me out of here! I’m claustrophobic!
Miharu: …Hey, I missed one. VAK DON!!!
Jack: …Oh, crap.
*meanwhile, in the girls’ attic, the pink blob Kyuzo supposedly killed is seen squirming*
Blob: …Fooooooooooood… Fooooooooooood…
