.hax//WTF 2.0 Pilot

[Hayate]

By popular demand, here's the two-part series pilot of ".hax//WTF 2.0". Granted, it's a little tame starting out, but I guarantee things'll start flying (both figuratively and literally) once the series kicks off. Also, bear in mind that I won't be focusing too much on 2.0 until my other series, "Power of Love", is completed. Enjoy.

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.hax//WTF 2.0

Episode 1: The Arrival, Part 1

*in a large Lost Ground, Hayate is seen being chased by an angry mob*

Hayate: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

Mob Member 1: Get him!!!

Mob Member 2: He’s in cahoots with that Kaeion guy!!!

Mob Member 3: He’s the reason we’re stuck here!!!

Mob Member 4: PRAISE TRI-EDGE!!!!!

Hayate: How the hell did I get into this mess?!?

*five hours ago…*

*Hayate logs into Mac Anu*

Hayate: Okay, let’s see… What was it I needed to--?

: HEY, HAYATE!!!

Hayate: *sigh*

*Hayate steps to the side just in time to avoid Yahiko’s crash into the Chaos Gate*

Yahiko: Hehehe… You’re getting good at that.

Hayate: …Hey, Yahiko. Sorry, I can’t talk right now. I need to take care of some things here in The World before meeting up with Aya for our date. Later. *walks away*

Yahiko: Oh… Okay. See ya later.

*Hayate walks through Mac Anu’s Central District, until…*

: HAYATE!!! HELP!!!

Hayate: What the hell!?

*moments later, Neon pops in and jumps behind Hayate, looking for a place to hide*

Hayate: N-Neon!? What are you doing!?

Neon: Hiding!

Hayate: Hiding? From who?

: NEO-NIICHAN!!!!![/i]

Hayate: …That voice…

Neon: CRAP! She found me!

*Chibi-Usa pops in*

Chibi-Usa: Hi, Hayate! Where’s Neo-niichan?

Hayate: *steps aside* …Right here.

Neon: Dammit, Hayate, that’s not cool!!!

Chibi-Usa: NEO-NIICHAN!

Neon: You’ll never take me alive!

*Neon attempts to run away, but Chibi-Usa tases him to the ground*

Neon: GAH!!! *falls over and twitches violently*

Chibi-Usa: Now I’ve got you! *drags Neon away by the foot* Hahaha!

Neon: *looks up at Hayate* …Please help me…

Hayate: …Note to self: Never visit Xion household…

*a half hour later, Hayate returns to Mac Anu dome*

Hayate: There! All done! Now to--

: HEY, HAYATE!!!

Hayate: Oh, now what!?

*Hayate turns around and sees Miharu approaching him*

Hayate: …Oh. It’s only you, Miharu.

Miharu: You going to check out the Lost Ground that was just discovered?

Hayate: Hmm? A new Lost Ground?

Miharu: Yeah! Come on, let’s go check it out!

Hayate: Maybe later, I’m gonna be late for my--

Miharu: NO EXCUSES! *turns Hayate around and shoves him towards the Chaos Gate* C’mon, no dilly-dallying now!

Hayate: (…“Dilly-dallying”…?) H-Hey! Quit shoving, Miharu!

*Δ Hidden Forbidden Lunacy ~ Lost City of Nephthet Iiwan Osvelicas*

*upon arrival, Hayate and Miharu are treated to the sight of a large citywide Lost Ground*

Hayate: WHOA! This Lost Ground is freakin’ huge! They could make a whole Root Town out of this place!

Miharu: …I just hope they clean it first. This place is filthy. Everything’s covered in dust.

: Why, that’s just the ambience, my dear.

Miharu: …Hmm?

*Hayate and Miharu turn to see a cloaked man standing behind them*

Hayate: Who are you?

: Oh, I’m no one important. But you’re exactly right about this city. It IS filthy. Only despair blankets its streets. That’s why, in times such as this… *pulls out Tri-Edge pamphlets* …PEOPLE SEEK GUIDANCE!!!

Miharu: W-What!?

: BELIEVE IN THE ALMIGHTY TRI-EDGE AND YOU SHALL BE SAVED FROM THE CLUTCHES OF DESPAIR!!!

Hayate: …I think we should go…

Miharu: …Right behind you…

: MAY THE GLORY OF THE AZURE FLAME BE WITH YOU ALWAYS, MY CHILDREN!!! …God, I’m lonely…

*a short time later, Hayate and Miharu walk through a fountain plaza*

Hayate: …This fountain is bone dry.

Miharu: I wonder how long this Lost Ground’s been here.

: W-Who’s there!?

Hayate: Hmm? Someone there?

*from inside the dried-up fountain, Ayliori and Ren emerge*

Miharu: Ayliori! Ren!

Ayliori: Miharu! Hayate!

Hayate: Why are you two hiding?

Ren: This Lost Ground is messed up! Everyone we run into either tries to kill us or feel us up! MY INNOCENCE WAS ALMOST TAKEN TODAY!!!

Miharu: *sweatdrop* …Ooooooooooooooooookay…

Hayate: Come on. If we’re gonna survive this place’s craziness, we should stick together.

Ayliori: Good idea.

*meanwhile…*

Gwen: …Are you done yet?

Jack: Almost! I think I’m getting something!

*Jack Russell is seen talking to a cat-like Lucky Animal*

Jack: *making cat sounds*

Animal: *making cat sounds*

Jack: Ahhh… I see…

Gwen: …Well?

Jack: …I got nothin’.

Gwen: ARRGH!!! You’re a complete and total nutcase! Asking a freakin’ Lucky Animal for directions!?

Jack: Well, I’d like to see you come up with something better!

Gwen: Alright! How’s this for starters!? *kicks Lucky Animal into the distance*

Jack: NOOO!!! We were just starting to bond! I even named him “Pablo”!

Gwen: *grabs Jack by the collar* Shut up and let’s go!

: Jack?

Gwen: Hmm?

*looking ahead, Gwen and Jack see Kyuzo approaching*

Kyuzo: …What are you two doing?

Gwen: Our “Gate Out” functions aren’t working, so we’re trying to find a way out of this place. My “Mr. Sleipnir Whisperer” of a brother here thought it’d be a good idea to ask a Lucky Animal for directions.

Jack: I’M DOING MY BEST!!!

Gwen: YOUR BEST IS AN IDIOT!!!

Kyuzo: …Hmm… You’re right. My “Gate Out” function isn’t working either. Alright, guess it’s up to me to come to the rescue. Follow me. I know the way.

Gwen: …Try to flirt with me, and I’ll kick your teeth in…

*meanwhile…*

Neon: …Usa-chan?

Chibi-Usa: …Yes?

Neon: Do you see the symbol I carved into this wall?

Chibi-Usa: …Yes.

Neon: You know what I see when I look at this symbol?

Chibi-Usa: …What?

Neon: …THAT WE’RE FREAKIN’ LOST!!! THIS IS THE THIRD TIME WE PASSED THIS SYMBOL!!! WHY’D WE EVEN COME HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?!?

Chibi-Usa: *sobbing* I’m sorry, Neo-niichan!

Neon: … *sigh* Alright, let’s just retrace our steps…

: Um… Excuse me?

*Neon turns to meet eyes with a beautiful Flowing Melodist with long blue hair and a curvaceous body*

Neon: WHOA! WHAT A KNOCKOUT! *gets shot* …Ow…

Chibi-Usa: *puts pistol away* …Can we help you, miss?

Melodist: Um, well… I came to this Lost Ground to see if the hype was worth the trip, but shortly after I arrived, I… *blush* …got lost. Hehehe.

Chibi-Usa: Oh. Well, do you wanna come along with us? We’re trying to find our way out of here too.

Melodist: Can I really come with you?

Chibi-Usa: Sure! The more, the merrier! My name’s Chibi-Usa! You can call me Usa-chan!

Maryn: And I’m Marynna. But my friends call me Maryn.

Neon: *hops up and takes Maryn by the hand* And you, my dear, may call me Neon.

*Neon moves in to kiss Maryn’s hand, but Chibi-Usa shoots him to the ground before he could*

Neon: …Ow…

Chibi-Usa: *puts pistol away* …So! Shall we go?

Maryn: Um… S-Sure.

*a short time later, Hayate, Miharu, Ayliori, Ren, Gwen, Jack, Kyuzo, Neon, Chibi-Usa, and Maryn all meet near the Chaos Gate*

Hayate: I guess word of this new Lost Ground traveled fast.

Ren: I’ll say.

Kyuzo: …Heh. That’s a cute new friend you’ve got there, Neo-boy.

Neon/Maryn: Hehehe…

Miharu: Grrrr… (DAMMIT!!! EVERYWHERE I TURN, IT’S MORE AND MORE COMPETITION!!! WHY CAN’T EVERYONE JUST LEAVE NEON AND ME ALONE?!?)

Ayliori: …Uh, Miharu? Your ears are steaming…

Miharu: BACK OFF, PUKE FACE!!!

Ayliori: Eeeep!

Jack: Hey! It’s the Chaos Gate!

Gwen: Thank God… I’ve had just about enough of this place…

*Hayate attempts to use the Chaos Gate, but it fizzles*

Hayate: …Huh? That’s weird. The Chaos Gate isn’t working.

Chibi-Usa: Well, try again!

Hayate: I am! Nothing’s happening!

Ren: …That’s…not the only thing that’s weird…

Maryn: What do you mean?

Ren: Guys, try to move your arms.

Kyuzo: You mean, around you? Hehehe…

Ren: Just do it!

*the group moves their arms and discovers that their PC bodies were now their own bodies*

Neon: …Wha…What the hell’s going on here!?

*just then, a large screen-like display appears above the Chaos Gate and a fuzzy image is shown*

: Hello… Can anyone there hear me?

Hayate: Haseo? Is that you?

Haseo: Oh, good. I was able to patch through. Are you all alright?

Kyuzo: Oh, sure…if you call being inside in The World itself alright…

Haseo: You’re inside of…? …Oh, man. I was afraid of that.

Chibi-Usa: Why?

Haseo: Shortly after the Lost Ground was discovered, we picked up some highly corrupted data coming from it. Several admins we sent in haven’t returned. By the time the decision was made to close the Lost Ground off, it was already too late. I’m afraid that, until this situation is fixed…you’re all trapped in The World.

All: …

: PRAISE TRI-EDGE!!!!!

All: *sweatdrop*

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Episode 2: The Arrival, Part 2

*Lost City of Nephthet Iiwan Osvelicas: Chaos Gate Square*

Jack: …What the hell do you mean “trapped”!? You mean we’re stuck in this place for good?!?

Haseo: We at the Serpent of Lore are doing everything we possibly can. We’ll find a solution to this soon, I promise.

Chibi-Usa: How many people are already stuck here like us?

Haseo: According to my scan readings, roughly one thousand.

Maryn: Oh, my…

Haseo: Like I said, we’re doing everything we possibly can. We’ll set up video terminals around the city for you so you can stay in touch with your loved ones in Mac Anu. I’ll contact you soon with any developments. …Stay safe. *beep*

Kyuzo: Great! Just freakin’ great! I’m stuck in an online game with a bunch of losers and a senile old man in a cloak!

: ALL HAIL TRI--!

Kyuzo: SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

: …‘Kay…

Gwen: So what do we do now?

Neon: I guess we…look for a place to stay?

Miharu: A place to stay!? Have you seen this city!? Everything’s corroded! And with the other 990-something PCs in a state of panic, it won’t be long before everything’s completely destroyed!

Kyuzo: …That’s a nice way to look on the bright side…

Miharu: DON’T SCREW WITH ME, KYUZO! I’VE HAD A LONG DAY!

Hayate: What we need is a leader. Someone to guide the other players through the heart of darkness…

Jack: Like me!?

Hayate: …Hell no.

*a couple of hours later, Hayate addresses a crowd of players from atop the dried-up fountain*

Hayate: …And as long as we stick together, as long as we act as one mind, one body, one soul, we’ll be able to endure even the greatest of adversities! WHO’S WITH ME?!?

Crowd: …

Random PC: YOU SUCK!

*with that, the crowd goes back to panicking and rioting*

Hayate: … *sweatdrop*

Gwen: Nice speech there, “Prez”.

Hayate: OH, SHUT UP, GWEN!

Kyuzo: Well, this is boring. If you’ll all excuse me… *draws guitar and runs off singing* Oh, a looting I will go… A looting I will go…

Maryn: So now what?

Hayate: *leaps off the fountain* We go back to Neon’s plan. Neon, you, Ayliori, Maryn, and Miharu go look for a place for us to stay. Gwen, you, Jack, Usa-chan, and Ren try to rally as many players as you can. The more allies we have, the safer we’ll be in this city.

Chibi-Usa: But… But… I WANNA GO WITH NEO-NIICHAN!!!

Neon: …Please don’t make her go with me…

Hayate: *sigh* Alright, Usa-chan, you go with Neon’s group. Ayliori, you go with Gwen’s group.

Chibi-Usa: EEEEEEE!!!

Neon: DAMMIT, HAYATE, NOT COOL!!!!!

Ren: What are you gonna do, Hayate?

Hayate: …I need to make a phone call.

Maryn: *bows to Miharu* I look forward to working with you!

Miharu: Y-Yeah! Same here! (…So help me, if this bitch gets close to Neon, I’m taking her down…)

*a short while later, Hayate is seen using a video terminal to talk with Izumi*

Hayate: …I’m really sorry I couldn’t make our date.

Izumi: That’s okay. It takes a village to save The World, after all. …So, will you be back soon?

Hayate: …I dunno. But I’ll come back as soon as I can. Not even The World can keep us apart.

: CHEEEEEEEEEESY!!!!!

Hayate: I HEARD THAT!!!

Izumi: Hehehe… Anyway…stay well, Hayate. See ya soon.

Hayate: …Yeah.

Izumi: …

Kyuzo: …Hey, if you’re done having phone sex, I need to make some calls too.

Hayate: DAMMIT, KYUZO, MUST YOU RUIN THE MOMENT ALL THE TIME?!?

Kyuzo: …Yes.

*meanwhile, on a desolate street…*

Chibi-Usa: Oh! How about that place!?

Neon: …No.

Chibi-Usa: Ooh! That place looks good!

Neon: …No.

Chibi-Usa: Or maybe this one!

Neon: …No.

Chibi-Usa: Oh, come on, Neo-niichan, you’re not even trying!

Neon: Usa-chan, you just pointed to a lamppost, a tree, and a rock!

Chibi-Usa: …Oh… I kinda liked that rock…

Maryn: …Is it always like this between those two?

Miharu: Not always. Sometimes, Chibi-Usa acts stupid.

Maryn: …You mean she’s NOT acting stupid right now?

Miharu: Not even close.

*meanwhile, in the western plaza…*

Ren: Anyone else find it weird that, even though there are nearly 1000 PCs in this city, we haven’t encountered a single one?

Ayliori: Hey, whatever it is that’s keeping those groping perverts away, I’m not complaining.

Jack: I’m gonna scout over here for a second. *runs off*

*Jack goes off to scout near an open clearing, when suddenly…*

: HYAAAAAH!!!!

*…a blond Edge Punisher and red-haired Assault Ace jump out to confront him*

Jack: AAAHHH!!! *falls back*

Punisher: Who are you!?

Jack: Um… J-Jack Russell.

Ace: What’s your business here!?

Jack: Uh… I, uh…

Both: WELL?!?

Jack: I DON’T KNOW!!! I’M NOT GOOD AT GAME SHOWS!!! *crying*

Both: … *sweatdrop*

Gwen: Wait!

Both: Hmm?

*just then, Gwen, Ayliori, and Ren join*

Gwen: Don’t hurt him. He’s just my idiot of a brother.

Jack: Yeah, yeah, what she said! …HEY!

Ren: If this area is your territory, we’re sorry for trespassing.

Punisher: Hmm… You seem sane enough… *puts broadsword away*

Ace: Our apologies. We thought you were another of those groups of raving lunatics that are overrunning this city.

Ayliori: Are you guys trapped in the game like we are?

Saber: Afraid so. …My name is Saber.

Shirou: And I’m Shirou. So… *points to Jack* …is he gonna be okay?

Jack: *rocking back and forth in a fetal position* …Make the bad people go away, mommy…

Gwen: …He’s fine.

*…Chaos Gate Square…*

Hayate: …Well?

Kyuzo: Relax, would you? I’ve got it under control. Hyah!

Hayate: You’ve been at that for 15 minutes now! Hitting the Chaos Gate over and over with your guitar isn’t gonna make it work!

Kyuzo: …I could try using your head.

Hayate: …

Kyuzo: …Yeah, that’s what I thought. Hyah!

*as soon as Kyuzo strikes the Chaos Gate for the 392nd time, a PC is seen gating in*

Kyuzo: There! See? What’d I tell ya?

*the PC who gated in is shown to be Kaeion*

Kyuzo: …Oh. It’s just him.

Hayate: Kaeion? What are you doing here? I thought Haseo closed this place off.

Kaeion: The Epitaph Knights altered my PC data so I can travel back and forth between this city and Mac Anu.

Hayate: Really? Great! Then can you get us out of here?

Kaeion: Unfortunately, my power doesn’t allow for that. I was merely sent to monitor your progress. So…how are you faring?

Hayate: *shrugs shoulders* We’re managing.

Kaeion: …I see. …Well, I guess I should be going now.

Hayate: W-What? You’re leaving already!?

Kaeion: Yeah. I’m not your babysitter, you know. Later. *gates out*

Hayate: …DAMMIT!!!

Kyuzo: It’s a wonder that guy has any friends.

: HEY!!!

Hayate: Huh?

*just then, Hayate and Kyuzo are approached by a small crowd of players*

PC1: Did that Kaeion guy you were talking to just gate out!?

Hayate: Uh…yeah, he did, but you see--

PC2: So there IS a way out of here!?

Hayate: W-Well, you see, the thing is--

PC3: TELL US!!!

Hayate: I-I don’t know!!!

PC1: THAT’S IT! EVERYONE, ANGRY MOB FORMATION!

*just then, the crowd draws torches and pitchforks*

Hayate: …Where’d you guys get those?

Kyuzo: *whistles* Damn. You’re on your own, buddy. *vanishes*

Hayate: H-Hey, wait! Kyuzo, don’t leave me here by myself! …Uh-oh…

Crowd: GET HIM!!!!!

Hayate: Crap!!! *runs away*

*all over the city, the angry mob of players chases Hayate*

Mob Member 1: Come back here!!!

Mob Member 2: This is all your fault!!!

Mob Member 3: Random cry of displaced rage!!!

Hayate: YOU’VE ALL GONE FREAKIN’ CRAZY!!!!!

*just then, a hand reaches out from a dark alley, grabs Hayate, and pulls him aside, while the angry mob continues forward*

Hayate: H-Huh? What just…? …Hanabi?

Hanabi: Shhh! Come with me if you want to live!

Hayate: *sweatdrop* …‘Kay…

*Hanabi and Hayate creep down the narrow alleyway*

Hanabi: The others found this alleyway a little while ago. We’re the only ones who know about it.

Hayate: So the others are here already?

Hanabi: Yup. And you’ll never guess what else they found.

*as the two exit out through the other side of the alleyway, Hayate finds himself in a small cul-de-sac with two grand houses*

Hayate: Whoa…

Neon: Hayate! Hanabi! Over here!

*Hayate and Hanabi walk over to meet with the others, now joined by Kaga, Ciel, Vyce, Gilgamesh, and two unfamiliar PCs*

Hayate: Wow. Can’t believe there are this many familiar faces here. …Hmm? Who are you two?

Paris: *in a French accent* Call me Paris, love. ‘Tis a…how you say? …A pleasure.

Nue: …Nue.

Hayate: …So you guys found two houses, eh? They look to be in pretty good condition. Okay…since we’re gonna be stuck here for a while, we might as well crash. And at least it’s in an undisclosed spot so no one can find us. Now then…which one should we stay in?

Vyce: I say the left!

Paris: I say the right!

*eventually, an argument breaks out*

Hayate: … *groan* SHUT UP!!![/size]

All: …

Hayate: This is getting us nowhere. How about a free-for-all? Wherever you want to stay, stay there.

Ren: And get groped in my sleep by one of these pervs!? No way!!!

Kyuzo: Oh, get a life, Ren! Like any one of us would even consider touching that flat body of yours!

Jack: …I would.

Kyuzo: …He doesn’t count.

Ciel: Well, what about you girls!? You could…like…give us makeovers or…braid our hair!

Gwen: First off, shorty, we’re not that immature! Second, you couldn’t look anymore like a girl than you already do!

Ciel: HEY!!!

*just then, another argument breaks out*

Hayate: *deep breath* ALL OF YOU, SHUT THE F**K UP!!!!![/i]

All: … *blink*

Hayate: Alright, look. There’s a simple and effortless solution to this problem. The guys will stay in the house on the left, while the girls stay in the house on the right.

All: …Fine.

Kaga: I have a question.

Kyuzo: Oh, great. The know-it-all has a question. Everyone, cover your ears or else your brain’ll melt.

Kaga: Shouldn’t each house be assigned a leader to make sure everything’s kept in line? A “housemaster”, if you will?

Hayate: Hmm… That’s not a bad idea. Alright then. I’ll be the Housemaster of the guys’ house…

Kaga: What!? But it was my idea!!! …Son of a…

Hayate: …and I guess Saber will be the girls’ Housemaster.

Saber: *nod* Very well.

Hayate: *looks up* The sun’s going down. We should probably get some sleep.

*with that, each group retires to their respective temporary homes; meanwhile, in the city plaza…*

Mob Member 1: Where’d he go!?

Mob Member 2: I told you we should’ve gone left!

Mob Member 3: TRI-EDGE IS DISPLEASED!!!

All: SHUT THE F**K UP!!!!![/i]

[Prinny Ramza]

Its just great. Hilarious!

[Lunar Knite]

       ROFL:ROFL:ROFL:ROFL
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L O L===___             |  
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               I      I
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[BlackEcho]

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

[Zexion]

Finally one of my characters is displays XD but lol some how this reminds me of Total Drama Island XDD