Post by Hayate on Oct 10, 2008 22:26:45 GMT -5
I present to you all the unholy union between .hack and Robot Chicken. Enjoy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scientist 1: Does this go here?
Scientist 2: No, that goes there.
Scientist 1: You sure?
Scientist 2: *slaps Scientist 1* Don’t question me!
Scientist 1: Ow! …Asshole…
Scientist 2: …Okay! That should do it! Flip the switch!
Scientist 1: ‘Kay. …But you’d better not slap me again…
*Scientist 1 flips a breaker switch, causing an electrical surge to be fed into a dead Grunty with robot parts; the half-robot Grunty jerks awake and its robot eye glows bright red*
Scientist 2: It’s alive… IT’S ALIVE!!!
*inside a Beast Temple, Haseo is cornered by IYOTEN and Asta*
IYOTEN: Hehehe… Killing n00bs is so much fun…
Haseo: … *gulp*
Asta: Hey, you said I could have this one! After all… *draws broadsword* …this is MY reward!
Haseo: !!!
*Asta attempts to rev up her broadsword’s chainsaw option…but it fails*
Asta: Hmm? Wait, hold on… *pulls broadsword’s ripcord* …Dammit, it’s jammed.
IYOTEN: Again? Goddammit…
Asta: Tch. Must be a GP coin stuck in it.
IYOTEN: You’re probably doing it wrong. Here, let me try.
Haseo: … *sweatdrop*
IYOTEN: Dammit, what’s with this thing? Work, damn you!
Asta: Careful! You’ll break it!
Haseo: …Okay…I’ll just be going now. *exits Beast Temple*
Asta: Ah! There we go! Okay, n00b, prepare to… Where’d he go?
~ Hulle Granz Cathedral ~
Ovan: You must play this game under the assumption that it does exist. That is why we are called the Twilight Brigade.
*just then, a PC pops in and points his finger at Ovan*
PC: NEEEEEEEEEEEERD!!!!!
~ Arche Koeln Waterfall ~
Tabby: *looks over the edge of the platform* Wow! It’s so amazing!
Sakisaka: … *kicks Tabby over the edge*
Tabby: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Shino: …
Sakisaka: …What!?
Haseo & Piros the 3rd: *singing* It’s guy love! That’s all it is! Guy love! He’s mine, I’m his! There’s nothing gay about it in our eyes!
Narrator: February 15, 2017. A time for joy. A time for peace. A time…for murder.
Haseo: SHIIIIINOOOOO!!!!!
Unsolved Case Files: The Shino Mystery
Narrator: It was the February that made everyone cry. …Okay, not everyone. But when all signs pointed to murder, the question on everyone’s mind became, “Who killed the Twilight Brigade?” Perhaps no one could shed more light on the subject than the victim’s closest acquaintances of the disbanded guild.
Tabby: Shino was a saint! Why anyone would want to kill her is beyond me! She was sweet, kind, pretty… And I’ll hurt anyone who’d talk bad about her!
Sakisaka: Shino? Tch. She was a slave-driver, plain and simple. “Pinky” would have us work for hours on end looking for something that doesn’t exist. I had my doubts about this Key of the Twilight thing since the beginning, but NOOOOOO! No one listens to Sakisaka! No one EVER listens to the guy with the freakin’ goggles! Hey, Shino! If you’re up there listening, you can suck it!
Narrator: Since the time of the murder, the former members of the Brigade have kept a low profile. Meanwhile, emotional unrest arises amongst the rest of the victim’s friends.
Phyllo: Yeah, Haseo took Shino’s death pretty hard. I doubt he gets any sleep nowadays. …In fact, there he is right now.
Haseo: *runs up to random PC* WHERE’S TRI-EDGE?!?
PC1: Say what!?
Haseo: *runs up to another random PC* WHERE’S TRI-EDGE?!?
PC2: Back off, crack-head!
Cameraman: Mr. Haseo! Could we get a statement?
Haseo: GET THAT F**KING CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE!!!
Narrator: But perhaps the people who’d most benefit from Shino’s death were the Twilight Brigade’s rivals of five months, TaN.
Yata: Shino? Please. We never cared about Shino. It was Ovan and his PC body we were interested in.
Cameraman: Isn’t it true you secretly harbored feelings for Shino? A Mr. Tawaraya quoted you as saying, “Why does Shino hang out with that one-armed freak when she can hang with a real man like me?”
Yata: …No comment.
Narrator: Who killed Shino Nanao? Resentful guildmates? Rivaling organizations? An emo Adept Rogue? We may never know who killed Shino, but whoever did is still out there, watching, waiting. Who’s next? Taihaku? Zelkova? That retard lion man Gabi? Who’s to say? But when it does happen, “Unsolved Case Files” will be there to make a buck. Next time on “Unsolved Case Files”, Player Killing: a The World pastime…or something more? One individual seems to think so.
Cameraman: And then what did the PKer do?
Gaspard: He… He…raped me! *crying*
~ Kestrel HQ ~
Gabi: I’M GABI!!!!!
Kestrel: ALRIGHT ALREADY, WE HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME!!!
~ Demon Palace Arena ~
Endrance: Are you ready, “Mia”?
“Mia”: *meow*
Endrance: Wha…? Why are you bringing that up now!?
“Mia”: *meow!*
Endrance: Do we have to talk about this here!? Can’t it wait until later!?
“Mia”: *meow, meow!*
Endrance: I told you, she means nothing to me! Let it go!
“Mia”: *meow!*
Endrance: Oh, you would bring that up! You just can’t let the past be, can you!? Look, if you’re gonna act like this, I’m not even gonna speak with you! Hmph!
“Mia”: *…meow*
Endrance: OH, NOW YOU’RE BRINGING MY MOTHER INTO THIS?!? REAL MATURE!!!
~ Hy Brasail, the Isle of Kings ~
Announcer: And now, ladies and gentlemen…I give you…your new Emperor of the Demon Palace… TEAM HASEO!!!
*spotlights shine on the top of the staircase, showing Alkaid*
Crowd: *murmurs of confusion*
Alkaid: Hey, everyone! Haseo couldn’t be here to accept his award, so I’m accepting it on his behalf! …Hehehe…
*meanwhile, Haseo, Silabus, and Gaspard are seen tied up below the deck of the Mac Anu boat*
Haseo: GRAAAAHHHH!!!! ALKAID, IF I EVER GET OUT OF HERE, YOU’RE DEAD MEAT!!!
Gaspard: …I taste blood…
Haseo/Silabus: SHUT THE F**K UP, GASPARD!!!!!
Haseo & Piros the 3rd: *singing* It’s guy love! Don’t compromise the feeling of some other guy! Holding up your heart into the sky…!
~ Hulle Granz Cathedral ~
Haseo: BASTAAAAAARD!!!!!
*Haseo dashes up to Azure Kite; once within range, Haseo and Kite throw their hands at each other*
Kite: Hah! Scissors cuts paper!
Haseo: DAMMIT! BEST 2 OUT OF 3!
*backing off from Kite, Haseo pauses and dashes forward again; once within range, the two throw their hands at each other a second time*
Kite: Rock beats scissors!
Haseo: GODDAMMIT! 3 OUT OF 5! IT’S NOT OVER YET!
Kite: Hmm… Nah, this is boring. *Data Drains Haseo*
Haseo: GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
*in a field-type area, Haseo and Matsu are surrounded by hard-shelled monsters*
Haseo: This looks bad… Matsu, quick! Use your broadsword!
Matsu: No! I’ve renounced my PKing ways!
Haseo: Dammit, Matsu, your broadsword is the only way we’ll get out of here alive!
Matsu: Never!
*as they argue, the monsters attack and kill them; as the monsters leave, Haseo and Matsu are left on the ground with grayscale PC bodies*
Haseo’s Voice: …You are SO off my friends list.
~ World of Sins Ran Badhi ~
Negimaru: *panting* I…did it… I finally…reached the…100th floor… Huh?
*Negimaru looks up and sees a giant monster towering above him*
Monster: *roars*
Negimaru: …Oh, f**k me.
~ Briona Gwydion the Dragonbein Range ~
Ovan: Look closely, Haseo! This is…the truth you’ve been searching for!
*Ovan undoes the locks on his left arm while Haseo, Atoli, and Pi watch*
Haseo: !!!
Ovan: BURN THIS INTO YOUR EYES!!!
*Ovan removes the cylinder from his left arm to reveal his deformed conjoined twin*
All: EWWW!!!
Ovan: LOOK AT IT!!! LOOK AT IT!!! IT BURNS TO LOOK, DOESN’T IT?!?
~ Hulle Granz Cathedral ~
*Haseo talks with Atoli at the conclusion of Reminisce*
Atoli: …Haseo…I want to say… *gasp*
Haseo: …What? What is it?
*turning to his left, Haseo sees Ovan looking over his shoulder*
Haseo: *gasp*
Ovan: RAPE!!! RAPE!!!
~ Eternal City of Mac Anu ~
Haseo: *flailing arms wildly* HELBA AND ZELKOVA ARE THE SAME PERSON!!! WAKE UP, PEOPLE!!!
PC1: …Who the hell’s Helba?
PC2: Beats me.
Haseo: HELBA WAS THE QUEEN OF THE NET SLUM IN REVISION 1!!! ZELKOVA’S THE MASTER OF THE NET SLUM TODAY!!! THEREFORE, HELBA = ZELKOVA!!! EMBRACE THE TRUTH!!!
Zelkova: He knows too much! Get him!
*just then, Haseo is tackled to the ground by members of the Council of Seven*
Haseo: GAH!!! …Okay, which one of you just farted?
Zelkova: Sorry about the roughness, Haseo, but The World isn’t ready to know the truth yet.
PC: Zelkova? What are you doing here? What’s going on?
Zelkova: *waves hand in front of the PC’s face* Forget everything you saw here today…
PC: …I’m…sorry?
Zelkova: Forget… Forget… Forget…
PC: …What are you doing, Zelkova?
Zelkova: …Dammit! Those Jedi PCs tricked me! Council of Seven!
PC: Huh? *is tackled to the ground* GAH!!!
Haseo & Piros the 3rd: *singing* It’s guy love between two guys…!
*just then, Kuhn enters*
Kuhn: GUYS!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SHUT UP ALREADY!!! THIS IS GAY, ALRIGHT?!? I DON’T CARE IF THE LYRICS SAY OTHERWISE, IT’S GAY!!! NOW PLEASE!!! IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, STOP SINGING!!! GAWD!!! *leaves*
Haseo & Piros the 3rd: … *singing* It’s guy love…between…two…guys…!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scientist 1: Does this go here?
Scientist 2: No, that goes there.
Scientist 1: You sure?
Scientist 2: *slaps Scientist 1* Don’t question me!
Scientist 1: Ow! …Asshole…
Scientist 2: …Okay! That should do it! Flip the switch!
Scientist 1: ‘Kay. …But you’d better not slap me again…
*Scientist 1 flips a breaker switch, causing an electrical surge to be fed into a dead Grunty with robot parts; the half-robot Grunty jerks awake and its robot eye glows bright red*
Scientist 2: It’s alive… IT’S ALIVE!!!
Robot Grunty
~#~#~#~#~#~
~#~#~#~#~#~
*inside a Beast Temple, Haseo is cornered by IYOTEN and Asta*
IYOTEN: Hehehe… Killing n00bs is so much fun…
Haseo: … *gulp*
Asta: Hey, you said I could have this one! After all… *draws broadsword* …this is MY reward!
Haseo: !!!
*Asta attempts to rev up her broadsword’s chainsaw option…but it fails*
Asta: Hmm? Wait, hold on… *pulls broadsword’s ripcord* …Dammit, it’s jammed.
IYOTEN: Again? Goddammit…
Asta: Tch. Must be a GP coin stuck in it.
IYOTEN: You’re probably doing it wrong. Here, let me try.
Haseo: … *sweatdrop*
IYOTEN: Dammit, what’s with this thing? Work, damn you!
Asta: Careful! You’ll break it!
Haseo: …Okay…I’ll just be going now. *exits Beast Temple*
Asta: Ah! There we go! Okay, n00b, prepare to… Where’d he go?
~#~#~#~#~#~
~ Hulle Granz Cathedral ~
Ovan: You must play this game under the assumption that it does exist. That is why we are called the Twilight Brigade.
*just then, a PC pops in and points his finger at Ovan*
PC: NEEEEEEEEEEEERD!!!!!
~#~#~#~#~#~
~ Arche Koeln Waterfall ~
Tabby: *looks over the edge of the platform* Wow! It’s so amazing!
Sakisaka: … *kicks Tabby over the edge*
Tabby: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Shino: …
Sakisaka: …What!?
~#~#~#~#~#~
Haseo & Piros the 3rd: *singing* It’s guy love! That’s all it is! Guy love! He’s mine, I’m his! There’s nothing gay about it in our eyes!
~#~#~#~#~#~
Narrator: February 15, 2017. A time for joy. A time for peace. A time…for murder.
Haseo: SHIIIIINOOOOO!!!!!
Unsolved Case Files: The Shino Mystery
Narrator: It was the February that made everyone cry. …Okay, not everyone. But when all signs pointed to murder, the question on everyone’s mind became, “Who killed the Twilight Brigade?” Perhaps no one could shed more light on the subject than the victim’s closest acquaintances of the disbanded guild.
Tabby: Shino was a saint! Why anyone would want to kill her is beyond me! She was sweet, kind, pretty… And I’ll hurt anyone who’d talk bad about her!
Sakisaka: Shino? Tch. She was a slave-driver, plain and simple. “Pinky” would have us work for hours on end looking for something that doesn’t exist. I had my doubts about this Key of the Twilight thing since the beginning, but NOOOOOO! No one listens to Sakisaka! No one EVER listens to the guy with the freakin’ goggles! Hey, Shino! If you’re up there listening, you can suck it!
Narrator: Since the time of the murder, the former members of the Brigade have kept a low profile. Meanwhile, emotional unrest arises amongst the rest of the victim’s friends.
Phyllo: Yeah, Haseo took Shino’s death pretty hard. I doubt he gets any sleep nowadays. …In fact, there he is right now.
Haseo: *runs up to random PC* WHERE’S TRI-EDGE?!?
PC1: Say what!?
Haseo: *runs up to another random PC* WHERE’S TRI-EDGE?!?
PC2: Back off, crack-head!
Cameraman: Mr. Haseo! Could we get a statement?
Haseo: GET THAT F**KING CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE!!!
Narrator: But perhaps the people who’d most benefit from Shino’s death were the Twilight Brigade’s rivals of five months, TaN.
Yata: Shino? Please. We never cared about Shino. It was Ovan and his PC body we were interested in.
Cameraman: Isn’t it true you secretly harbored feelings for Shino? A Mr. Tawaraya quoted you as saying, “Why does Shino hang out with that one-armed freak when she can hang with a real man like me?”
Yata: …No comment.
Narrator: Who killed Shino Nanao? Resentful guildmates? Rivaling organizations? An emo Adept Rogue? We may never know who killed Shino, but whoever did is still out there, watching, waiting. Who’s next? Taihaku? Zelkova? That retard lion man Gabi? Who’s to say? But when it does happen, “Unsolved Case Files” will be there to make a buck. Next time on “Unsolved Case Files”, Player Killing: a The World pastime…or something more? One individual seems to think so.
Cameraman: And then what did the PKer do?
Gaspard: He… He…raped me! *crying*
~#~#~#~#~#~
~ Kestrel HQ ~
Gabi: I’M GABI!!!!!
Kestrel: ALRIGHT ALREADY, WE HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME!!!
~#~#~#~#~#~
~ Demon Palace Arena ~
Endrance: Are you ready, “Mia”?
“Mia”: *meow*
Endrance: Wha…? Why are you bringing that up now!?
“Mia”: *meow!*
Endrance: Do we have to talk about this here!? Can’t it wait until later!?
“Mia”: *meow, meow!*
Endrance: I told you, she means nothing to me! Let it go!
“Mia”: *meow!*
Endrance: Oh, you would bring that up! You just can’t let the past be, can you!? Look, if you’re gonna act like this, I’m not even gonna speak with you! Hmph!
“Mia”: *…meow*
Endrance: OH, NOW YOU’RE BRINGING MY MOTHER INTO THIS?!? REAL MATURE!!!
~#~#~#~#~#~
~ Hy Brasail, the Isle of Kings ~
Announcer: And now, ladies and gentlemen…I give you…your new Emperor of the Demon Palace… TEAM HASEO!!!
*spotlights shine on the top of the staircase, showing Alkaid*
Crowd: *murmurs of confusion*
Alkaid: Hey, everyone! Haseo couldn’t be here to accept his award, so I’m accepting it on his behalf! …Hehehe…
*meanwhile, Haseo, Silabus, and Gaspard are seen tied up below the deck of the Mac Anu boat*
Haseo: GRAAAAHHHH!!!! ALKAID, IF I EVER GET OUT OF HERE, YOU’RE DEAD MEAT!!!
Gaspard: …I taste blood…
Haseo/Silabus: SHUT THE F**K UP, GASPARD!!!!!
~#~#~#~#~#~
Haseo & Piros the 3rd: *singing* It’s guy love! Don’t compromise the feeling of some other guy! Holding up your heart into the sky…!
~#~#~#~#~#~
~ Hulle Granz Cathedral ~
Haseo: BASTAAAAAARD!!!!!
*Haseo dashes up to Azure Kite; once within range, Haseo and Kite throw their hands at each other*
Kite: Hah! Scissors cuts paper!
Haseo: DAMMIT! BEST 2 OUT OF 3!
*backing off from Kite, Haseo pauses and dashes forward again; once within range, the two throw their hands at each other a second time*
Kite: Rock beats scissors!
Haseo: GODDAMMIT! 3 OUT OF 5! IT’S NOT OVER YET!
Kite: Hmm… Nah, this is boring. *Data Drains Haseo*
Haseo: GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
~#~#~#~#~#~
*in a field-type area, Haseo and Matsu are surrounded by hard-shelled monsters*
Haseo: This looks bad… Matsu, quick! Use your broadsword!
Matsu: No! I’ve renounced my PKing ways!
Haseo: Dammit, Matsu, your broadsword is the only way we’ll get out of here alive!
Matsu: Never!
*as they argue, the monsters attack and kill them; as the monsters leave, Haseo and Matsu are left on the ground with grayscale PC bodies*
Haseo’s Voice: …You are SO off my friends list.
~#~#~#~#~#~
~ World of Sins Ran Badhi ~
Negimaru: *panting* I…did it… I finally…reached the…100th floor… Huh?
*Negimaru looks up and sees a giant monster towering above him*
Monster: *roars*
Negimaru: …Oh, f**k me.
~#~#~#~#~#~
~ Briona Gwydion the Dragonbein Range ~
Ovan: Look closely, Haseo! This is…the truth you’ve been searching for!
*Ovan undoes the locks on his left arm while Haseo, Atoli, and Pi watch*
Haseo: !!!
Ovan: BURN THIS INTO YOUR EYES!!!
*Ovan removes the cylinder from his left arm to reveal his deformed conjoined twin*
All: EWWW!!!
Ovan: LOOK AT IT!!! LOOK AT IT!!! IT BURNS TO LOOK, DOESN’T IT?!?
~#~#~#~#~#~
~ Hulle Granz Cathedral ~
*Haseo talks with Atoli at the conclusion of Reminisce*
Atoli: …Haseo…I want to say… *gasp*
Haseo: …What? What is it?
*turning to his left, Haseo sees Ovan looking over his shoulder*
Haseo: *gasp*
Ovan: RAPE!!! RAPE!!!
~#~#~#~#~#~
~ Eternal City of Mac Anu ~
Haseo: *flailing arms wildly* HELBA AND ZELKOVA ARE THE SAME PERSON!!! WAKE UP, PEOPLE!!!
PC1: …Who the hell’s Helba?
PC2: Beats me.
Haseo: HELBA WAS THE QUEEN OF THE NET SLUM IN REVISION 1!!! ZELKOVA’S THE MASTER OF THE NET SLUM TODAY!!! THEREFORE, HELBA = ZELKOVA!!! EMBRACE THE TRUTH!!!
Zelkova: He knows too much! Get him!
*just then, Haseo is tackled to the ground by members of the Council of Seven*
Haseo: GAH!!! …Okay, which one of you just farted?
Zelkova: Sorry about the roughness, Haseo, but The World isn’t ready to know the truth yet.
PC: Zelkova? What are you doing here? What’s going on?
Zelkova: *waves hand in front of the PC’s face* Forget everything you saw here today…
PC: …I’m…sorry?
Zelkova: Forget… Forget… Forget…
PC: …What are you doing, Zelkova?
Zelkova: …Dammit! Those Jedi PCs tricked me! Council of Seven!
PC: Huh? *is tackled to the ground* GAH!!!
~#~#~#~#~#~
Haseo & Piros the 3rd: *singing* It’s guy love between two guys…!
*just then, Kuhn enters*
Kuhn: GUYS!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SHUT UP ALREADY!!! THIS IS GAY, ALRIGHT?!? I DON’T CARE IF THE LYRICS SAY OTHERWISE, IT’S GAY!!! NOW PLEASE!!! IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, STOP SINGING!!! GAWD!!! *leaves*
Haseo & Piros the 3rd: … *singing* It’s guy love…between…two…guys…!
